Sunday, 30 June 2013


yeah man
I got an OCD 
kinda personality 
it's probably not that hard to see
that I gotta go cold turkey
but man, will that make me
understand more clearly? 
yeah I'm not nearly
convinced, yeah I've rinsed
this of everything
so let me just sink,
into sweet anonymity

make it back

for if I never make it back 
let me tell you the truth
I probably never would have made it back 
-yeah I still haven't much improved-
yeah I still lack the courage to face you 
yeah, it's true, I wish I said it all then 
maybe then, 
I wouldn't spend the nights 
wishing I could mend you
and take back all the hurt I put you through,
or maybe even undo
everything that passed. Gosh
the past, when will it disappear
when will I no longer care
about it, about stuff that's come and gone
how does one cease to prolong,
the inevitable
yeah I wish I could forget things
yeah I wish I could grow a set of wings
glorious ones gold ones 
and fly away (not runaway)
I pray to one day
know and understand

rough terrain

hiking up the rough terrain
in fairlight,
he was trying to attain
he was trying to dissociate
with the lies that he
had substituted for truth
 the truth he never claimed 
he needed the rough terrain  
like a poet needs pain
like a naturist dreads the coming rain
on a cold winters night
-at the beach in fairlight-
it's not fair, like.
why couldn't he just 
come back

Saturday, 29 June 2013

dark places/ we share

still behind bars
still covered in scars
who knew we'd last
this long
so now, 
let's continue to endure
let's some how, some way, ensure 
that when we get out of here
we'll never return
-these dark places-

too small earth/ too big world

yeah my wallet, it got jacked
-lost track, of where I was-
but I sort of wish 
my phone had been too
then maybe I wouldn't 
have to listen to you
nah, I wouldn't have to listen to you
instead I could just be
lost in a sea 
of tourists, Lord it's 
too early in the day
for the hours to stray
to go back home
to go back to sleep
if only i could keep
dreaming the right dreams


hmm maybe she's right
maybe I am a waste
maybe I do just like the chase
but what am I chasing 
really? and he's the brother
of an old friend, a robber actually
who went round the bend
he served his time, and the eldest is
a cowboy, he didn't comit a crime
but why did you tell me
his name
why did you tell me 
the worlds too small 
for I already knew
for I've been telling you this
from the very first second
man, days like this
when I feel so shit
when they're people everywhere
all I want is to disappear
instead let me just go to my room
and close the door behind me

Friday, 28 June 2013

hoover building

hanger lane
a right pain
in the backside yeah
ah to tear 
across the grey sea
the grey sky split
the rain came down on me
hanger lane
how can I remain
here I waited 
and a bus arrived 
it didn't stop
just keep driving
it went through me
then I was on it
the bus
kind of like in a movie
a sci-fi one
hanger lane
what a pain
cross roads
to just be relieved 
of the heavy load
that presses against your shoulders
hoover building
i'm still building
stuff up and waiting and waiting 
and the board about donors
of the life source on the tube
man don't force
looking at that view
wandering what to do
hoover building/ westgate house
hanger lane
wandering in circles 
wandering in pain


sort of a trail
along with the pictures
I hope they won't fail 
to tell the story
or at least part of it
when I finally wake up
when I can finally sit
and take it all in 
everything that I missed
then I'll be brisk, 
then I'll take a tour 
of these expressions
images and letters that I store
the pages
if they exist still
I'll try to work through them
the obscure stages
a hundred thousand words
a hundred thousand pictures
and yet I still haven't 
soaked in 
not a second of reality
not a moment of truth


It got so bad
I'd use pre-pay 
never bought a weekly
I never knew if I'd last you see
another day
-of my job? nah mate, 
it ran 
so much deeper than that
I never knew if I'd last
the universe
this given curse
yeah even now
it's hard to explain
just how
hard its been
living life
 in this techni-colour dream


host to a demon
since the first day
of a new year 
I woke up shaking and proper dazed yeah
since that night
nothings been right
since the first of jan 
since the hand 
slipped away from this minds eye
yeah reality
it's stranger then fiction
mine encompasses both
and i'm still dying inside
and the process of this death is still
trying to derive
something something something
from me

Thursday, 27 June 2013

the MAX

pissed off to the max
pretty unusual for a girl 
who's usually pretty lax
man I'm at my wits end
and I need to vent
before they cement
my thoughts, my ill feelings
see I've hit another glass ceiling
and you don't get it, do you
I've given my life
my heart, my soul 
my everything to this
even though 
it's been a roller coaster
even though I got back nothing
most of the 
time, yeah s'been hard 
so hard, to teach myself
everything I now know
and everytime I get close
BAAAM! another blow
It's been a ride, the crazy kind
man I wouldn't mind
but shit if only you knew
what I been through 
to get here
how much I had to give
how much I had to bare
and I know, Lord I know 
I've achieved excellence
against all odds!
with nothing to go on 
but I could achieve so much more
if I just had the space
the time, the support
I know I could and
man I'm just so pissed 
that they missed
all the advice I gave
and now we're in this grave
shit, I can't formulate
the words that will make
work work for me
and its so goddamn frustrating,
can't you see!
can't you see
 we could be
so much more that this
I've said my piece, 
yeah I've vented
now I just need to send it
some place constructive
-all these ideas-

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

box man, boss fam

remember smosh man
the box man 
I placed a box over my head fam
nah, it wasn't part of da plan,
I just went
and made faces in da box
and on da box 
and it was part of me
with da box over my head
I could be
da box man 
I could be da boss, fam
I don't give a toss man
 about dem tings


know your worth

never take kindness for granted
for one day you'll be without 
then you'll remember
the meaning of it 
of kindness, leaving this place
yeah i never felt more displaced 
with the past, contrast it, 
and you won't believe you lasted
the duration, what with everything 
faith, yeah but yours didn't last
yeah man, I never been made to feel
this much of an outcast
I never been made to feel so low
so lacking, so caught in the undertow
and if this is what they're like,
I'll go back to my silly childish-ness
humanity, to just be 
not so far behind
yeah I admit I tried to remind myself 
tried to convince myself that 
I worked through so much
on every goddamn level 
achieved so much 
within and without
but the world is such 
that they'll never notice the good
and yeah I don't care so much about that
cos if i did, if I was a quitter
I'd be gone, man I'd have walked
 a hundred times over
but you see 
its not about me or you or anyone else
even if you mean well and maybe you do
but its about the cause, nothing more
yeah it's why I'm still here
i'm here for the cause and 
yeah until I fulfil 
my duty 
I will not leave 
no matter how hard you treat 
me. I know my worth
and it's more than this 
so much more that this.
but until its fulfilled, I will
not disappear
-love you all, every last one of you, 
for the sake of God-
(even now) 

not a quitter

not all of us can afford
the luxury of insanity 
hmm do you think I planned to be
this way?'
do you not wonder why I pray
each and every day for my return 
listen, don't turn 
this around on me
you know I never planned to be
this way, 
I never planned for my life
to fray
to fall apart at the seams
and it seems
you've blamed
the wrong entity
a bit of a no-brainer? 
I lost mine
get lost, yeah.

tooting couple

the weirdest couple I ever saw
yeah I saw them 
waiting for the green man
to appear outside the station, 
a tooting pair
they looked proper strange, I swear 
they looked like they were from another world
he: blond dreadlocks, a raggedy bum
she: beside him with a definitive bump
she kept stroking it, her unborn
her frizzy black hair swayed wildly 
in the background
and she didn't wait for the green man
no, she crossed the road without him
without green man, without blond dreadlocks
and he was in too much of a daze to realise
until she called him from the other side
a strange tooting couple
a couple,
 of interesting human folk
...dying breed, perhaps not...

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

don't geddit

why do you love me 
so much 
when I'm nothing
yeah I'm not nearly enough
not nearly worthy
of your love
and it worries me 
that I worry you
because it must mean
it must mean that I've been 
slipping again
I don't want you to 
worry about me 
I'm tougher than nails 
I'm a fighter 
you know me well enough to know
that I'll burn brighter
with every set back
with every blow
I'll never stay down
I'll never stay low
-my God is close-
but still 
it worries me 
that I worry you 
and it confounds me 
that you love me so much
when I can never be certain stuff
like good or whatever

whatever mister

sort of, kind of, miss
mister e, even though
he surely can't miss me
sort of, kind of, miss 
questions and answers
cos well maybe
I never got to ask the big ones
the scary ones, the really airy fairy ones
like what's keeping you up
what's knocking you down, 
like what's making you frown,
in that way
like I don't know
what are you doing
with your one precious life
like, what's wrong with me
why do I still drive
people away
like, yeah both taciturn,
but I wish I had learnt
a way to better deal 
with the way I am
the way you have.
I don't know man, whatever
maybe I'm just bored again
been thinking maybe I should send 
myself away somewhere
like Soufease,
yeah to be at ease in soufease

a poem to a friend

what I'll miss the most
about you, about me
about us
is the truth
that encompassed
the fact that you knew 
but nothing too
I'll miss everything about you
girl I'll miss our shared lunches
outside the British Museum under the sun, 
in such a short space of time, you've become
one of my closest and dearest friends
and I can't believe we're fast approaching the end
of an era. I'm going to miss you girl
I'll miss your cusses, your compliments
I'll miss Primarks
yeah I did just say that, I think I meant it too  
I'll miss hanging out in Primarks with you 
after work. 
I'll miss that you call it primarks
I'll miss buying you food
I'll miss you buying me food
our long conversations
our jokes 
lugging around boxes
and getting into cabs
I'll miss being dragged
to some place boring like the bank or post office
girl you're a true novice
I'll miss running errands, 
yours and mine
I'll miss listening to you when you whine
I'll miss all your questions 
and you asking me how to spell stuff
and yeah girl
I'm just really going to miss you
I'll miss ice-cream after work in Maccy D's
I'll miss those countless trips to KFC
I'll miss Diwan
the way to make me feel calm
when you give me a hug
I'll miss the faith you have in me
when I have none in myself
I'll miss your strength, your kindness
shared prayers, the drama, your layers
the walls you build around yourself
hard, I know you are, 
but you've got a heart of gold 
see I know you like they don't
the way you know me like they don't
whatever you do, I won't 
let you, do nothing.
you can be anything/ so be it
girl I'm going to miss you something fierce
-real friendship-

Monday, 24 June 2013

best friends in monochrome

so far away still 
just when I thought I was
getting somewhere
so far away still 
but with you beside me
looking at the eye
turn, slowly
ever so slowly, upwards
and around 
and around
a single gaze
that's all it took
melancholic/ monochrome 
lamenting, for we've both grown 
weary as we both lie 
on the same old
black and white
listening to the beautiful grey tunes
-long long long last-
how soon is too soon
to dismantle this aging and tiresome room
to throw it all away
girl, we're the same 
of course we are
but I didn't know we shared
the same scar
in the same place
let's face
grey pelican 
grey building
grey coconut shake
together let's make a break 
for it, deep joy, comfort 
girl, will we ever learn
will we ever grow up
will we ever move from here
we share the the same conversation
year on year
and year on year
nothing changes
yeah, nothing ever changes
every year 
yeah, it rearranges
 its hues, but it remains the same
and we know which road to take, 
but we never do. 
lets take it now, together
let's walk the path

Sunday, 23 June 2013

cornflakes factory

'Oh for Pete's sake 
who let the cornflakes
get stuck behind 
the oven conveyor belt!?'
-a moment of silence-
'You know I smelt 
the burning corn
from over a mile off'
said Joe, who had just arrived
he could barely suppress a scoff
the others just looked down
-the silence resumed-
it had been a while
since the fire crew had 
tackled the fire
no one had owned up
Tim didn't know who to fire
ah hell, maybe it's about time 
I just retire
he thought
creases all over his face
deepening, as he spoke again, 
I've had about enough of this place
the drama of this makeshift workspace
-the cornflakes factory-
working here is no longer
and this fire
has made me see
that I'm not supposed to be
here any more
so thank you guys 
and dislodged cornflakes
thanks for helping me to make
my decision
-and he left-

the stake

burned at the stake 
for a mistake 
he never dared to make
yeah he paid
the price
for eternity's vice
not beloved A, no
not somebody 
we've collectively
come to know
just somebody who was
a ghost
not a witch
a human ghost
did he make the switch?
who knows, all I know
is that he was burned at the stake 
for a mistake 
that he never made
the human ghost
he never weighed 
up the consequences 
for taking the heat 
the heat of a fire
that burned right through
though his spirit lives on
in lieu, in a memory 
that resides within us
the one we can't quite place
his presence, imbued with grace
debasement, he was effaced
on the face of it
burned at the stake 
burnt off the earth
for a chance 
he didn't take 
for human eternity's mistake
he spent time, all of it
with the fire
but he never said a word
not a single word
he just burned
in silence
silence is gold
silence burns/ silence earns
collective guilt
-rip ashes-

true heart

how to go back
when your true heart
has been shrouded in crap
for so long
when it's been covered 
in a thousand particles 
of black
how to go back 
when you're stuck
when your hearts 
it's hard to feel
 when the heart is sealed;
the eyes can't see
when the heart is sealed;
it's hard to believe 
anything, any tiny thing
it's hard to understand
it's hard to stand 
firm/ it's hard to learn 
anything, any tiny thing
it's hard to remember
do you remember
your true heart? 
It still exists
it just requires
-       work       -
so seek it out 
so don't go about 
ignoring it: your true heart
forgiveness/ repentance/ penance
there for the taking

scruffy gentleman

you sat there
in front of your board
on it
written in scruffy handwriting
'anything will do'
 a hug, or even a smile;
he taught us, hundreds of years ago 
this is charity
and so I smiled 
and you smiled back 
slightly taken aback
 -by an alien emotion-
but it wasn't enough
I didn't feel 
like it was enough
so I rummaged
so I retrieved 
so I gave 
to you
scruffy gentleman
keep your spirit true

spark words

a flame
in the rain
in death


they left

they departed from 
the fire

of meaning
of being 


-to write

i write
for myself
to preserve my mental health

i write 
to compensate
for things that I never say

i write
to recognise
the things I might otherwise

Friday, 21 June 2013

a hundred reasons

a hundred reasons to stay
a hundred why I'm more than okay
to be here right now
a hundred reasons
to not bow
out: black cabs, jokes wherever
praying and being able to,
helping and being able to 
make a difference
and giving up the indifference
and watching them laugh
and finishing each task
and knowing that there's so much more
to come
from me, from them 
we can work it out yeah
and my sidekick, 
no wait, she's my sidekick
and I like it. This. 
and the blue dirc 
and the water wells in Juba
and the shabelle river
and their smiling faces
and Somali kindness
and getting closer to my dusty punjab dream
yeah, I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be

Thursday, 20 June 2013

sick of it

man, I'm so sick of it
of saying goodbye 
of slowly, so slowly

/cutting each tie/

of losing touch
yeah I admit 
it doesn't hurt so much
any more, but it still hurts. 
yeah it still hurts

man, I'm so sick of it
I'm so sick of drifting
and being drawn to other drifters
drifters who drift
away from me
drifters who leave
to seek out something better.
(does something better even exist?)

yeah man, I'm so sick 
of the earth being so big
and friends being so far away 
across the globe, 
and so am I
 are there so many oceans
so many land forms
so many gaps between us
gaps; they've formed

-impenetrable barriers-

family, friends,
pieces of my soul
ones I love most
ones that make me feel whole
they're never here
I'm trying to figure out still
why they disappear

the people I most care 

about in the world
she said to me 

one day I'm going to see you on TV
and I'm going to breathe a sigh of relief
and say 
'well it's about time'
 I'm going to say
'what took you so long?'

girl, if only you knew
how talented you are
how far,
you're bound to go
me going away,
it won't make a difference
it won't make you stay


if I never met you
it would have been far worse
and you'll see me again
and I'll be on your case/ I'll reimburse
and you'll baby sit my kids

when I have them
and you'll teach them about the world

I love you
so do I
she said,
as we chewed on fries

girl you're going away 
what's keeping me here
why am I still here
when I'm supposed to be
by now. Shit I still don't know how
to live. 


to slump in a chair 
to look out of a window
to wish you were there
but in that silly swivel chair
ahh to spend your 
remaining youth 
in truth, with them,
where did they go?

idle in trinidad

sort of wish 
I was in Trinidad right now
sitting by the beach
sipping on juice
hanging out 
with my one and only muse
you ever wish you could just lose
so you'd no longer fear losing
so you could cut your loses
(no/ not so/ not loses, maybe
they're actually wins)
ever wish you could just swim
and hang out by the shore 
and not work for 
any cause or any one or anything
ever wish you couldn't think 
but just sit by the beach all day
and not say/
anything/ to breathe/ to just be

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

rio to aldgate

brazilian girl 
from the big issue
sorry I dashed off, had I only
 stuck around to wish you 
good luck and happy days 
sitting with you there
on the green grass 
it was waaay 

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

the outward

so you trimmed your beard 
so you traded in your scarf 
for a woolly hat, girl,
didn't it mean more to you than that? 
boy it wasn't your beard 
that they feared
never mind
me yeah, 
I'ma hold my head up high, 
I'ma defy 
their empty command (to feel guilt)
I'ma demand so much more 
than what they tell me is possible 
me yeah, 
i'ma not afraid
I've already laid 
down my defences, 
I've already weighed 
up them rights and wrongs
them pro's and con's 
 we already been conned 
so many times before 
me, yeah 
I'ma keep doing what I do 
I'ma keep walkin' 
I'ma keep talking 
cos somebody needs to 
words: disarming
they're less harming 
than the ones they use 
the ones they abuse 
words, words that can't 
speak for themselves
so let me speak 
and if I ever end in jail 
or dead, for speaking truth 
at least I'll have lead 
the life for me, 
at least I'll have said 
the things that I believe 
and really I believe in peace
-not so taciturn-

Monday, 17 June 2013

I do give a damn

so I realised I can't be 
the friend that you want me to be
I'm sorry that I constantly 
disappoint you 
sorry if it seems 
like I just don't care
cos I do, it's just that, 
well this whole wacked out year
has been one massive head trip
and I'm still tryna get to grips 
with so much, yeah and as such 
I been forced
to take a step back 
(a hundred thousand steps back)
I know none of this means jack 
to you, but try to understand
I'm just tryna understand
see the truth is,
I really do give a damn
and I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry
for being a shit friend.

uncertain lives

hmm t'was a strange 
kind of hell 
but if I were well 
it could've been heaven
for around quarter past eleven
we shared krispy kremes
and our not so dusty dreams
I wonder why the future before us 
still seems
so uncertain, 
she said to me
it's hard for people like us to be  
certain about anything 
for we've always lived life
in and within the confines
of certain uncertainties
but I'm certain about this
you were the best thing
that came out of it
of course, I believe the same
you know, I believe the same

Sunday, 16 June 2013


to be consigned to a role 
to be continually told
who are you 
what you believe 
man, let me tell you
it will force you to dig deep 
to try to retrieve 
your true self, 
to be branded
to be reprimaded
to be told who you are
now we're leaving you 
your terminology,
your assumptions
so far so far so far
see, what we're tryna find
-is proper deep-
yeah, so you just keep 
doing what your doing, 
keep tryna brand
for you'll never truly understand
what we're about
'cause well, you don't wanta
-peace out-

human worth

all them dreams I had
it was them dreams 
that drove me mad
but boy was I glad 
when you came into
the picture, I never
pictured it happening 
and of course now 
its just another thing
a fading memory 
a barrier between you 
and me and everyone 
else on this earth
-more than inexplicable-
our human worth


lady I will miss you 
something fierce
though really we're just strangers
I could see us being so much more 
I wonder why; I never saw
this coming

dirt and a flower

she saw him again
looking so lowly 
crossing Waterloo Bridge
for I think he must've 
really really really liked her
yeah he must have, 
'cause he gave her a flower
and when he dug up the trench
he threw dirt her way
and a bit of Roman brick
a homeless man in his mid
-twenties, yeah he was 
broken a bit
but she couldn't sit 
down and talk to him
 and try to make him whole
for there were too many holes
black ones, scary ones
deep ones, 
the man from Holland
he won't give up, 
not on you, my dear
(and I don't blame him)

floating words

floating words
it's time, 
I think to bring them back 
because the words I hear, 
man they be truly whack! 
They be out of this world
man them words, they swirled 
like cosmos, 
like galaxies on fire, 
like deep and dark hollows
the words swallow and consume
 the afterthought looms, for longer than a while.
yeah, the conversations I share with you 
and you and you and you, 
those conversations
man swear down they blew
my mind and I get it now
I get it, its not about understanding 
it's about not reprimanding
it's about space
physical and mental: inner and outer
it's about space!

orientalist fantasies

mate, you can keep 
your orientalist fantasies
to yourself, yeah cos we be
so sick of you 
yeah, we'll give you
till the count of ten
to disappear
to get out of here
to get out of dis place
if you don't, prepare to face
the wrath of the sisterhood
yeah, the sisterhood
you never could 
understand it, 
lemme break it down for you
what you see
is what you'll never get
ma sisters and I 
we'll never let
you anywhere near
d'you hear? 
so do yourself a favour
and just disappear
-keepin' it real-
(muslim real)


Go down Moses
Way down to Egypt land
tell old Pharaoh
to let my people go!
Back then Moses didn't quite know
how to proceed
and before he took his leave
he uttered 'Lord open up my 
chest and remove all imperfections
so that when I speak 
they may understand me'
little did Moses know then 
he would one day arrive at a sea
and lay down his staff 
and the sea would split into two halves
and he would lead
the children of Israel 
to the promised land/ to freedom
before he would leave them 
to seek out the Lord again. 
Moses a shepherd
he led the herd
the lessons he learnt 
then, made him the great prophet
he became. Moses you gained
so much more than you believed possible
for with the One nothing is im-

a hospital reverie/ it was real

the strangest situations
I don't quite know 
how I come to find myself 
in the strangest situations
(though they're not strange at all)
naaah, I feel right at home
in a hospital ward 
in a room full 
of beautiful somali women
all fierce, and with each a shared 
some stranger then others
in Hammersmith 
and thunder and lightning 
and fat drops of rain, nordic rain
not here, not in Hammersmith
the smell of earth,
yeah I caught a whiff 
we all agree, we all laugh like we
are real sisters, like none of that 
distance and animosity exists
but it does, sadly, but we're here for you,
queen, infected blood
the queen 
she's still smiling 
despite her trials
it will be a long while 
before she stops/ smiling, inshAllah
love, we're here for you
of course we are
just look how far
we've some
oh I don't quite know how to 
take it
a hug, some flowers-
shared hours, to be part of the Diaspora 
to know Hergaisa, to feel like you belong
to the land of poets and in a room
with beautiful somali sisters
oh and the river and the rain 
and the bus and my brain 
it's melting again tonight
and in alternate world
we would be clowning around
in china town
by the wetlands, the museum too 
I had a dream about you
I had a dream about you
(was it in the hospital?)

to and fro/ nobody will ever know

to and fro
but do you really know
what they mean 
-are you able- 
are you really able to read
between the lines,
between the lines
if only you could say 
what you really had to say
to keep them raging feelings at bay 
to keep her from leaving
from going so far away 
 so so so so so inadequate
so so so so so so much of the time
I hope you pluck up the courage girl
to say what's on your mind
don't worry about the consequences
for the truth shall set you free
you gotta do it for yourself girl 
you can't rely on me
you can't rely on me
but I'm here for you, forever. 

abide by me

Lord, abide by me
I'd like to confide in Thee
-everything/ ness-
the whole beautiful mess
Lord, these days I feel less 
troubled and more alive
it's because I've arrived 
at a conclusion. 
Lord I been living life 
inside of a delusion
for the past six months 
but enough is enough
and You already know why
but it confounds me still
I ain't gonna lie
Lord, I still don't understand 
the sweetness of pain
if only through it I could gain
-something-/ if only I could gain
closeness with You

growing closer

growing closer each day
it's hard for me to come to terms 
with the fact 
that you won't be around
yeah, 'course I wanta see you happy
but you were a source of mine
look ignore me,
ignore me when I whine
look love, go your own way
I know we'll meet again some day
I know this isn't the end of us
so lets just enjoy our remaining time


Joseph said 
the devil sowed discord 
between my brothers and I
despite the fact that they had told 
the gravest of lies
despite the fact they 
threw him in a well
despite the fact 
he spent years in a cell
-no bitterness/ none-
just real knowledge
understanding: forgiveness
the devil sowed discord
between my brothers and I 
man, it gets me every time.

one final ode to the museum

-to go back-
to write it down/ to go back
for it's gotta be found
to go back/ before i forget
to go back/ before I let
it slide and keep moving on
yeah I got it all pictured in my head
I'll go back, hand in my out-dated ID
-hood over head, I'll go see dippy
real quick and exchange a few words
get lost in a crowd, try to figure it out,
whether or not I was
actually ever there, yeah 
and I'll see blue whale too
and man, to go back
one last time, to fulfil 
a dumb poetic prophecy/
a strange outdated philosophy 
this picture in my head
yeah I'll avoid them shops
yeah I'll stand at the top
(where I used to stand)
and look down at the dots
the dots that are people
ima still waiting for it to come to me

how she rolls

she couldn't decide 
whether to go 
as a ghostbuster 
or bob marly the rasta
in the end she donned
a plastic paint suit 
and a piece of a hoover
dis be da newer 
80's stylio
-and rolled on out-

so much more than I am

coming to terms 
with the fact
that I never really cared
I was just trying to fill the emptiness, 
the emptiness
 I feared
it would never disappear 
I feared
it would always be there
why am I bothered 
when I never was when it mattered
as a matter of fact, 
I didn't care
why is it, that now I bare 
the brunt of that not-caring 
yeah, trying still 
to figure out
why I am 
the way I am 
when I know I can 
be so much more 
than this

H is for a Halima

H is for Happiness
H is for you
H is for hanging out 
in the prayer room
first there 
and now here
yeah we've prayed 
pretty much everywhere
H is for our Hikes, 
avril lavigne and fearless 
yeah and don't forget 
Jess' hot appearance :-D
H is for the hour
we walked by the sand
by the river, 
d'you remember when the big Hand
hit nine and the bells began to chime
-some kind of sublime-
H is for history; yeah history, 
you know more about it than me
but ours has been,
pretty happy
don't you agree?
thanks H for making my day
my week, 
thanks H for listening to me speak
about all sorts of strange stuff
you're the best mate ever, 
so glad fate brought us together

On dis ting

Man, I'm on dis ting
I'ma lay everything 
on the table 
cos even though
I be mentally unstable 
I'm still able 
to utilise 
each and every skill 
man, ima kill 
see I found the will
to rise, to rise, to rise
to keep rising
now I'm realising 
I got what it takes 
to make, a real difference
I'ma make work 
work for me
do what I can to see
it through, before I leave
I swear I'ma leave
my mark. I'ma work hard
so hard, to establish
the frameworks for your success
and maybe mine too
Man, I'ma see dis ting though
proper (inshAllah)

still here, still suffering

lord i'm suffering 
i'm dying inside
lord, i'm suffering
I just wanta hide
forever and ever and ever
because no matter what they'll never
get it. get this 
lord they be wrong 
so wrong, I long 
for someone to understand 
i ain't depressed 
i ain't lowly
i'm just sick 
lord I never been sicker
and when I hear them snicker
at my pain, when I hear them blame
me: the joke, I choke
lord i be choking a million times a day 
lord what I got, it won't go away
malaise? no lord its real 
so real, lord i feel 
so entirely unwell 
and of course I just go on living
(but not really living)
lord, I pretend I'm okay 
but you know in truth
I'm so far from okay
lord, I spend so much of the day
mending their problems, 
trying to fix their souls 
when my whole 
being is being
my head hurts, my heart hurts
my lungs are polluted and I'm choking 
lord it ain't mental 
I ain't mental
I'm just sick
lord I wish
I had someone to talk to 
but the people I talk to 
they never get it 
and I want them to so bad
lord, I've had 
enough, lord how can I explain 
in a way that'll make them feel the pain
 if I can't I'm no writer 
lord, I'm trying so hard
to do my best 
but I can't overcome it 
lord why can't I get through this one test
its going on and on and on 
it comes back with a vengeance
lord its like i got a life sentence 
of pain. lord i don't know the name 
of this thing I got. 
I think I'm the only one 
in this whole wide world 
who's ever experienced it
and it makes me feel so lonely
knowing that, and feeling this way
lord for now I got nothing more to say 
except this 
please take away my suffering
please take away my suffering
I'm up against a hard blustering 
wind and it's tryna blow me away,
against a force so strong
I'm still tryna stay
rooted, but lord it's hard 
but so am I. yeah I know I am. 
Lord please- I wanta be at ease. 
please, please please
lord, make it go away.

behind glass

to live life
in a glass box
a kind of prism 
kind of an odd schism 
the ecclesiastical kind
kind of non-aligned


yeah, sometimes I think 
I'm only writing for me, 
but I'm not, to a degree
I'm writing for you, yeah you
stranger behind a screen
now what does that mean


sort of uncomfortable
you say, for both you and I 
I wonder why, yeah I wonder why


I wonder what you see 
when you look inside of me
my life, my heart, my soul
I've carved out a hole,
a window into my mind.
I wonder what you find
when you look in.


self obsessed? 
yeah I confess,
I am a bit 
too caught up 
in the mystery of me
to really see, 
what exists on the outside.

yellow painting

I found you waiting 
under that abstract yellow painting 
in the canteen, our old meeting 
place. I'd join you, back then and we'd waste
hours, no, not waste, we'd spend
time, worthwhile time together
we'd start again from where we left off
talking, talking, talking
about the things that set our hearts on fire
yeah we would never tire, of talking
we'd talk about philosophy and faith 
and life and I swear you changed mine
I think I changed yours too. Yeah I believe
you're the reason I'm here now
exactly where I am, over bread and soup
under that abstract yellow painting 
we talked about making, 
our mark in this world 
-Costello and Niazi-
you in the far North and me in the far South
here/ but still I know there 
is so much more to come of us both
-God willing-

Saturday, 15 June 2013

not a window

-not a window-
a bubble 
cling film
glorified air

to believe-

to believe in someone else
to believe there's somewhere else
to believe there exists something else
maybe at the bottom of a water well 
in lower juba, to believe that huda
is bringing about change, real change
that life won't remain the same 
for those beautiful people
-sometimes, you just gotta believe-

don't sweat it

hey man
don't even sweat it
i understand
I just wish I could help you land
something better 
I just wish I could help you 
the way you helped me though
back when I was in need
you're almost as hard to read
as this one book I wrote
called 'this restless soul;
you are too? man I already knew
that, s'why you my best mate
s'why fate 
brought us together. 

certain somali brother

thank you
for the kindest words
I've heard in months
blessed, to have met you 
I bet you 
we'll meet again 
in the not so distant future.

green fingers

the three of us talking 
about sailors and tying knots
don't get any funny ideas
these knots are the real kind
rope an' all, yeah she's got 
the sickest ever job 
I miss that craziness
those crazy folk, 
them green green fingers
them messed up jokes
sure yeah, I could try again
but nah, I don't fink so. 

grey eyes

he looked right at her
as he took a drag of his cigarette
one evening; she stopped breathing
the model from the fashion show
and she ran away, grey grey 
eyes, find her again
-that girl-

another crazy daisy

what a day, shit man 
crazy as hell 
a letter from a cell 
who do I tell 
that she's going to Mogadishu
and my best mates grieving 
cos well, she might also be leaving
to go Hergaisa 
(sooner rather than later)
how did that happen? 
and the stories by the river
by the girl who created holes
in that place, 
where the planes are so low
and the bulls are so ochre, 
yeah that lonely place
and that random guy
you met and so did I  
kind of, boy wanderer
wandering home along the river
and a hours later a car crash 
old man, shouted out so rash
you prick, don't go any where
and I swear, amidst the madness
my heart went psycho again 
but somehow I made it 
-the story of life-

you'd never say so

a million poems inside 
but I don't have the strength to write
them down, ink on paper
maybe I'll find the strength 
to jot them down later....
....if they don't disappear 
into the abyss
yeah my words remain shrouded 
in a thick mist
a fog and I hate it
walking into that office
feeling so disconnected
from them all
and from me and from reality 
I take my shoes off, everyday
whilst ignoring everyone
whilst laughing with that one
true friend;
progress, I guess. 
yeah I guess she's all I need 
she's just like me 
but I'm dying still, but I'm losing the will
I'm getting closer to the edge
but see I made this pledge 
I pledged to not give in this time
to the meta-physical grime
to the psycho bells that chime
-i'd rather be you than me-
if only you understood my reality
you would never say so

rubber stamps

and it's the joy
you find in real life
the joy of being free
like the rubber stamps 
imprinting them deep sea
the scuba diver/ the child within 
was a writer
yes, stamps
Blue Peter competitions and 
smART and art 
ah to bring childhood back 
to spend time in the shed
with those cheap colour pencils 
and deep sea stamps

Saturday, 8 June 2013

technological enslavement



it's kind of a debasement
of real communication

don't you think?


better then, to be without?
better then, to just go about 

speaking out loud
in person

-of real sound-

human to human
voice to voice
face to face
it leaves you no choice
but to be 
kind of present

don't you agree?

kind of like

text message

but where it went
who knows

outer space, those waves
they just keep travelling
on and on
and on and on
until they bounce back along
a dead end, a garbage shoot
(better yet, to stay mute) 

kind of like

text message sent
sure, but listen
it kind of went bent

that ain't me
waiting endlessly 
for a reply
on and on and on 
I don't know why
I did that


cos I never do 
I never wait
I never care
I create my own fate

one that doesn't rely 
on flimsy waves
invisible/ unreal
it makes slaves

of the free
so now to be 

hmm, that sounds
pretty good to me
(for a while at least)