Wednesday, 24 December 2014

the space in between

another dream falls short
I wonder, has life really taught, 
me anything, any single thing
                                                     to feel the sting
of disappointment, 
                                   time and time again
to wonder
                                                       when, just when just when
          you'll ever make it through
whether you'll find the courage
to renew
all intentions
to find new meaning
free from pretension

another dream falls short
this time, a dream I fought
so hard to make a reality
the space between
fiction and actuality
is gaping, 
the space-
it's making
me wonder why
I ever bothered 

another dream falls short 
no matter
I always sought

to be free
                  from dreams

-peace, maybe it lies 
in the space in between-

Monday, 22 September 2014

you are loved

september already
not another goodbye
so I keep my distance 
at least I try
to keep my heart
from breaking
at least I try 
to stop myself hating
you for leaving
for leaving, for leaving
you're gone now
just like the rest
one less
soul to keep me sane
one less
soul to help me gain
clarity in unity
so I'll go to that hostel alone
and I'll watch the stars shine 
and listen to the sea waves roll
stay close to God
you said, pray for me
I'll pray for you too
meow, you said
know that you are
very loved
know that you are
very loved
the words ring in my mind
know that you are
very loved

Friday, 8 August 2014

what about my cat?

three beautiful little boys
brothers, with curly hair
dimples and an air
of care
                  free, three
                                                      beautiful little boys
their smiles brought about joy
                  pure and simple          
                                      each a symbol
of all things right
in the world,
                                      it was almost like
 their smiles eluded peace
I said 'where are you kids from?'
(perhaps somewhere in the middle east?)
they pointed upwards 'that estate' 
and also palestine
we're from palestine, 
said the eldest, 
                    he looked about nine
I frowned
               and he looked down
his brother then said
they're blowing up home
boom boom boom!
              my cat got left behind
but we'll pick him up soon soon soon
my aunts looking after it
            but she's half blind
we're from palestine
and so is our cat
         they're blowing up home
                    they're blowing up home
boom boom boom
soon soon soon
we'll pick up our cat
(we'll pick up the pieces)

they ran off then
to play football
with the others

boom boom boom
soon soon soon
(we'll pick up the pieces)

Saturday, 28 June 2014


i'll come round
to your yard girl
i'll let you know
next time i go
to the secret garden 
in springfield
we can listen to 
woh lamhe

woh lamhe

woh bheegi bheegi yaadein


then maybe liberation
lies in realising 
that it really don't matter
nah it really won't matter
then maybe liberation
lies in knowing
that its the former 
not the latter
where needs lie
so you don't hafta try
to get by
                        just float
for the end is neigh
the end is neigh

raining in niagara

hiding behind a lens
the last few months spence,
you've been more of a friend
to me than anyone I know
spence in so many ways
you've helped me to grow
better, stronger
I long for
us to stay friends
the qualities you possess
are nothing less
than beautiful///////////
patience emblazoned
with a nervous calm
so I wonder, can't you just
stay here
for I'll miss you so much
I'll miss you so much
I'll miss our adventures, spencer
I'll miss
traipsing around
in storms,
I'll miss
all our sketchy places
distracting     from the sketchy dark spaces
that lie within us
you know what I'm talking about
spence you know
what it's like
ink and light
hands across the sea
connected we'll always be
girl, how do I say goodbye?
I die 
a little every time
the rain is falling
in niagara tonight

Sunday, 8 June 2014

explore and restore

the places i go
they be so dope
that the mind expands
facts cram
fiction together
and dreams 
become string
tying in truth

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

what i got

you looked so beautiful
at the wedding
the niazi wedding
one of ours

i was there floating

smudged eye liner

a fuzzy mind
a new sister in law
i had to remind
myself, that i was there

not in a dream
lately I've been 
living in a dream
with nepalese music
clouds a discoloured cream

I lost my life
I lost myself
I traded it in

and there you looked beautiful
you brought me back to earth
girl, I kept bumping into your twin
hers eyes sad but filled with mirth

she told me i used to be so much fun
she asked me why I changed
why I had no phone
I bit my tongue, I refrained
from saying a thing

she said i had the perfect life
she said i have the perfect life

she said I had the perfect life
was she right
is that what I got?

Monday, 2 June 2014


what was true then
is now just something 
                   intangible             unreal
how fleeting
these feelings
we claim to possess
maybe by meeting 
less             and         less
we'll understand
that we met no one
in particular
we were met with nothing
                            be not bitter
for impermanence
is of this world
(a self fulfilling prophecy)

you spoke

you spoke
in a manner
so business like
i thought the cracks 
in your voice might
give way
and a crater would form, 
you would be unable to say
a single thing
then you would be left
you would be left
with nothing
but non language
you don't have

Sunday, 25 May 2014

give it up, giving them up

you just can't stay away
can you sy
don't matter how hard you try
your friends
they're just always around
making you smile and laugh
at things so crazy and daft
they make you feel
less lost and more found
less mental and more sound
less broken
more outspoken
more you
so quit trying to drive
them away

love to you guys

Saturday, 24 May 2014

please leave a message after the tone

i'm taking some time out
for me
i'm learning to say no
to see
if it'll make a difference
so don't ask me
to come out
don't ask me to stay out
don't ask me
to help you get your shit together
when I can't decipher whether
or not i'm living
I need to take some time out 
for me
to be free
and if you really cared
you'd respect that

Friday, 23 May 2014


you always look 
so dark and broody
so lost in thought
it's hugely
watching the shadows
flit across your face
each half thought
a wish to trace
the lines of worry
so unearthly
to take away the pain 
you feel, to watch you heal
and to heal in the process
you always look
so troubled and wounded
i can see 
your see-through

Thursday, 22 May 2014

dim light, something

mum i saw you 
floating up the road
like a mystic phantom
a dream, deeply sad and 
more than random
sometimes I can't stand them
they don't count
do they mum, 
but then you were real
I knew you were real
when you  took me in your arms
when you took me in your arms
a calm, 
washed over me then
and I could have stayed there forever
mother i'm still chasing 
guide me to the light
i pray that I might
                     be like you

                            many years later
she came to realise
                       many years later
she came to realise                                          
many years later
                               the streetlights

grew dim

Monday, 19 May 2014

vague as anything be taken (a)back
           to a forgotten time
                                     life is but a fine
 chiselled down dream
                                                  vague as anything....

The Fear

slipping away
forever slipping away
your messages
your messages they relay
                        so much
more than you do
Busan, Niagra, Istanbul
and then
every corner of here
a rip, a tear           
                                     desperate desperation,
for time  
                         if only we had the time
to really stay connected
once upon a time
 a stray message resurrected
a friendship 
              dead and gone
slipping away 
forever slipping away
maybe in another world
your voice will relay
more than your stray messages

Sunday, 18 May 2014

backpack life and piety

backpack life
I travel light
within my bag
the sum
of all I posses
some clothes
where I'll end up
who knows
and so I ask 
can I stay over tonight?
and girl you say
sure, of course
you know you don't hafta ask
and at night
at night we have a laugh
on the swings by your estate
and I'm humbled by your state
of pure piety
and I can see
I've fallen 
and there on another hill
northala, we could still
chat like we used to
on the hills of northola
we're older
so much older
but still so young
and so you make me pray
I make you say
you'll make me good
make me better
and so we recite surahs
 at dawn, late at night
cameroon girl
back then you changed my life
and who would have imagined
all these years later
we'd end up here
you and I
sam and sy

here I am
still living a backpack life

hood rat
get it back
                      real faith

safari cinema

gold light
streaming in through
the gaps
in the tall tree tops
 hundreds of splinters of gold
the light of a star, starlight
safari cinema
the wild animals bite
steel pans

        the lion roars
                                              a sweet
cruel melody

stories of place

ten thousand stories
ten thousand places
all in this city
it's a pity
no one wants to know

stranger free

people together
i see them everywhere
i go, but i go alone
often, even when I don't
start out that way
I end up by some lake
some reservoir
some woods, the boulevard
the hood
yeah, I end up alone
a lone ranger
a wayfaring stranger
you know this 
you know this
and this is where freedom lies

Sunday, 11 May 2014

adult world

when did that happen
when did that happen
            adult things to say
should I lend you money 
                      for the rent
you'll make a good mum
                                 are you really 
                going to be a mum
unable to process
six months 
and things like
are you going to get a divorce
did he relapse
did she force
             you to say yes
adult things to say
and they 
come out so (un)natural
like sure, I'll baby sit
sure, I can skip
the next few years

meet someone?
get married?
           nah, I don't know about that
I don't know about stuff like that
marriage and kids
careers and shit
nahh, he was right
                        I'm just a kid
just a kid exploring 
sometimes adoring
all that surrounds

what do I know
    about adult things to say....

 not much, I'll tell you that

vespas and vinyls

the air was thick 
                       with regret
girl, you and I
where did it go
six months
our helmets, vespa's, vinyls
and now all that's left
is an air, thick with regret
I wish I met 
         you sooner
maybe in another life


of living life
twenty four seven
you stop living
twenty four seven
five plus eleven
sy-deffects include
slow reactions
delayed processing
brain fog
head pain

a racing heart
and thoughts that dart
from one thing to another
sy-deffects include
apathy, and an allergy
to continuity

side effects
sigh deflects

will you not miss it?

street kid
hood rat
are you happy
will you not miss it
the freedom
of midnights and dawns
spent alone
                                    in lahore 
will you not miss it
your lone adventures
shared ones too,
will you not miss them
your friends
your life
will you not miss it
the way the heavy rain falls
on your short tangled mess of a hair
by canals where none walk
will you not miss
the heavy rain,
the white light
the stationary boats
and a smile across your face

will you not miss it
a wonder around a temple
beside ruins
under rainbows, on top of hills
sometimes so still
in prayer

will you not miss it

the weeks
that feel like lifetimes
will you not miss it
the busy streets and open skies
calling people up
asking if you can go over
stay over
wait, laugh till it hurts
with no inhibitions,

will you not miss it
hood rat
street kid

will you not miss it?
will you not miss it?

side walk of life

your poems, 
they compensate 
for feelings you don't have
you said 
where did your heart go?
numb, you're numb 
and so you write to become
midnight travelling bum
you're nowhere in particular
you feel nothing
but sometimes sadness
when the phone keeps ringing
ring ring ring ring
and no one picks up
but sometime sadness
when you come home 
and there's no one around
but sometimes sadness 
when your looking at the lake 
and experience an ache 
in the crux of your being
your soul, your soul, your soul
but sometimes happiness
a hug, a pat on the head
kind words, certain memories
ten thousand unplanned adventures
with friends from everywhere
but happiness sometimes
when you're on the road
wondering alone
up the side walks of life
and it's beautiful
and magical
too deep to speak of
too free, too free, too free
and coming together
with your true self
being your true self

secret garden, gone

secret Japanese garden
uprooted, a heap of compost
a pile of rubble
secret Japanese garden
gone, gone, gone
symbolic of all that went
wrong wrong wrong
there there there
(no-thing is for-ever)

Thursday, 8 May 2014

living and forgetting

and after a time
of waiting and forgetting
of forgetting and waiting
just like that
you came back into my life
and you brought with you
renewed dreams
never to become material
always to remain arial 
on a rooftop, faraway 
fuzzy and uncertain
fast fading, draw the curtain
on a vision long gone

but we know

you and i
and i can live in dreams
or at least I can try
for your the only one
i have left

her perfect world

in my perfect world
she said
she said we'd wear whatever
but we wouldn't wear masks
we would be ourselves
nobody would have to ask
we could talk openly
with our mouths full of food
we wouldn't care, 
there would be no such thing as rude
we'd live free
we'd live happy
we'd just live
in my perfect world
we'd just live
she said

what more can I ask?

there in that courtyard
of the hospital
in the quiet
in quiet parallels
fear fades and hope swells
there in that courtyard
walls, all scarred
the empty screams
peeling paint
the shadow leans
 and a soul faints
but screw it 
I thought
and went over to yours
and we watched ragged men
sing songs of lahore
you phillipino, girl
half indian
me, somewhere else
both happy then
I know happiness
and its that
singing with you
speaking to toku
wandering in the rain
by the fallow deer
wondering with no care
in the world, no commitments 
no worries, going slow, in no hurry 
no care, I flare
up in there
and so I don't care
if it goes away
as long as my feet can still carry me
and I can laugh with you
what more can I ask for?

Monday, 5 May 2014

write to him sy

write to him
write to him
if you're feeling alone
just imagine how he's feeling
in that concrete box
on the other side of the world
she said to me
write to him
he's becoming a mute
blood is thicker than water
be it dilute
be a friend to him
reclaim your lost comrade
write to him
you'll be so glad
when you do
write to him
write to him

Friday, 2 May 2014

frayed rims

lets meet
in the back ends
of east street
by the ledge by the river
with the mosquitoes
                          that dither
at twilight
lets meet again
lets meet again

some place
                                 some day
lets never let hope
entirely fray    
lets meet again
in that field rumi spoke of
some place
some day  

lets meet again       

cut roots

cut ma hair again
short and uneven
why did i cut it
i had no reason
perhaps it was
a tiny deletion
or an attempt
-----------to let go 
of all things rooted

hold on

there amidst the chanting
so enchanting
amongst the laughing
I was there crying
the knots began untying
the rope came loose
then an angel 
but then an angel 
but then an angel
spoke unto me
in the night
so cold, the storm
the light
had gone out
and it took
another time, for time
to forgive
the other time
--------------------hold on
                 the angel said

Sunday, 27 April 2014

days colours faze

by the waters 
in the courtyard
the reflections so bright
the shadows of stone so like
beautiful and out of this world
the screens and screens
the jars of tea 
in the tunnel
the secret tunnel place
a roof terrace 
east street
the flitting train
the rain 
in the peace garden
waging war with flowers
stoic and ardent
dampened by the grey victorian sky
the polish place
in the crummy centre
another street
another mosque
the pool
the moss
her and her and her and her
souls that spur
souls on
-just another week-

overboard, bored though

you got
10,000 ins
but even so
you know
its real tough to begin
to begin to begin
to start over
to throw the
whole load

Monday, 21 April 2014

sparrow death

in the crematorium chapel 
she cries quietly
in the crematorium chapel
he watches on mildly
afraid of her tears
afraid of her tears
silently he prepares
to say the right words
but she stays rooted
there on that pew
she stays rooted
she cries for a few
hundred thousand moments
she cries for her loss,
                    for his ashes
she cries for her loss,
                               but then she catches

                                  the eye of a sparrow

his eye is on the sparrow

he whispers
his eye is on the sparrow
                human knowing
 is far too narrow

so take comfort
in knowing
                                     that you are free
upon hearing his words she
slowly rose

his eye is on the sparrow

should i stay or should I go

midnight boats
neon reflections
in the water
the wind howled
and I've been here before
just a thought
I've been here before
back then I sought
to never be here
but here I am again
alone and cold
weary and old
unable to hold 
onto the light
unable to fight 
off ----- darkness
old fears, 

                     should I just
book a one way ticket
to the moon?
I wonder, 
                is it too soon go far far away again....

nomad dream

I been thinking about you a lot
I been thinking about mongolia
                                  I wish we gave it a shot
I been thinking about the river
                                 that night
a hill, the moon was so bright
I been thinking about
                                 our long conversations
the constellations
                       above our heads,
              the field of cows,
                                  the things you said
and just

     you know I meet enough
people, but none like you

I miss you

Thursday, 17 April 2014

frozen icicles

a dream
     of icicles
and niagra
                                                  of times gone by

Tuesday, 15 April 2014


             its kinda like
being on a treadmill
running and running
speeding and slowing
but essentially 
getting nowhere
stop and stare
like a stowaway
go away
                        throw away
your numbers
 but on purpose
if only-------------- it was known before
twenty four, 
I been here before
on buses at night
looking at the neon lights
watching the jews with tall hats
long coats all black
dreaming of forever
of zion, 
in the distance the lion
the greek music plays
it takes me to another place

but where.....
but                 where.....
          but       where...

blue tuesday

blue tuesday
I looked up to
the pool reflections
I prayed to you
in the mosque again
I was thinking 
                 I have a long way to go
don't I?
I was thinking
just a few dozen thoughts
floating backwards
life has taught
                     me nothing

Monday, 14 April 2014

somewhere else

monday blues
a sickness runs through
too vague to speak of
but then after work
I ran for miles
I swam
I found home
the mosque at night
the full moon so bright
He is with me
                          tears streamed
my heart seemed
at peace


four midnights      
                            in a row in a row  in a row
five hundred chances
the distance               
                      you still have to go to go to go
the bridges 
                   you still have to cross, to cross, to cross
and you're at loss
because it's fading
like a mirage
              your visage
and communication
                               comes hard
harder than hard
but sometimes its
easier smoking
                                     and joking
and choking
                      on a memory
                         a thought unvoiced
tracing patterns
in the void
in the tibetan peace garden
                        beat the lows
all for show
                              but the show got cancelled
so many years ago

move on 
----------------------------------switch continents
there ain't nothing here for you

Sunday, 13 April 2014

dangerous signs

dangerous signs
like dogs running free
in the industrial estate
like penalty for begging 
200 pounds
like way out
upside down
dangerous signs

old habits

old habits die hard
dreaming on buses
late at night so far
from home
so far from home
to roam
to think a thought
equally unlikely to happen
equally unlikely
to happen
just a thought

there (nearly there)

because i'm nearly there
because i'm so close I swear
I'm so close
because this is as good
as it gets
my dreams, they let
me go there, to that place
because this as good 
as it gets
so near
two years
of this, a breeze
at ease
oh god please
let this feeling
last forever
let me not
throw my cap 
onto the ground
like that beautiful little jewish boy
with two curls in his hair
let me not stomp my feet
rather may I lift my arms up in the air
and run and run and run
and run and run and run
and swim and swim and swim
till I get there
let me not drown
let me get to my destination

two more years
but here
I'm nearly there
there is here

you're already there

keep going

dem folks

is it
is that what your about
the world ends tomorrow
would it matter
wake up 
before they shatter
the windows
surrounding your dream
it was never about that for me
you know it
you know
it was never about that                            

like fools

in a single week
angel twice in a row
carving out Neanderthals
angel twice in a row 
carving out Neanderthals
at night, at night
on the shore
in the sand
at night at night
madness galore
sketching Neanderthals
in some cafe
at twilight twilight
sitting listening
wondering what to say
in the Indian YMCA
by danbury street canal
honeywood museum
and various schools
in a single week
in a single week
in a single week


you hugged me so tight
you almost crushed all my bones
girl, i had a feeling you might
be all on your own
like then like then like then 
all men all men all men
are they the same?
i miss you i miss you i miss you
you hugged me so tight
you said you never wanted to let go
girl you said let's go
some where, 
you almost crushed all my bones
you're with child
you're with child

Sunday, 30 March 2014

a flashback

a dream
a flashback
there you were
its too late to backtrack
i heard
you went to the mountains
i heard
you went to the mountains
you went to the mountains
i heard 
you went to the mountains
-so out of reach and hollow through-
you went to the mountains
to renew
spirits, did you not?
are we not
one and the same
on top of a mountain
life is not real
on top of a mountain
the sunrise, did it heal?
did you find God
did you watch
particles, stars, constellations
                                                soon to collide
who knows
maybe you'll find me
one day, in His remembrance
(the peace that you feel is real life)

solitude in mosques

lying on a carpet
of a mosque
to the holy land
where I lost
my mind, 
as ever
two years
i'll be so far away
from here
that here
won't matter
here won't matter

Saturday, 29 March 2014

red zone

what you doing here
errr yeah
i live upstairs
in the red zone
s'why you'll find me 
often lurking here alone
I sleep in paleo
and dream in the earth gallery
I reside in a fallacy
created by a mind
          not mine
and most days you'll find
----------me in unlikely places. 

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

carries messages, nerves and cells

the inherent 
emptiness of the human condition
you know it well 
you said you would tell
me all about it
ten thousand souls you left hanging
gates crash---- a mighty clanging
cold and metallic

then one day
you look through your pockets
only to find
torn numbers and broken lockets
half-names and tasks incomplete
promises obsolete
for there is
nothingness, but You
but You, but You Lord

                         my vein is missing
my jugular vein is no more
and so everything is nothing


when the gloom
is so thick
the moon so slick
and silver
and invisible
and solitude is
all encompassing
and there's only i
the sky is only sky
clouds with nothing beyond
nothing below
nothing above
and i is nothingness
nothingness to love
just letters
that came to pass
that never last
so why do we care
               so why do we bare
the inessential

fine hawk

trapped in a mirror                         
within a dream
don't wanna wake
                                            cos that'll only mean
I'm outta time 
                I'm outta time
                                I walked on blue
I treaded across a fine 
and flimsy sheet of chalk
from above a hawk
                                 its beady beady eyes
dark, imploring demise

                      came unto me

Monday, 24 March 2014


a crystal carpet of iridescent
                     the fading moonrise
the dawn break
               the violent swans
the steam above the lake
              the worthy pines
the wooden spines
and a single thought
and a single                     thought

Sunday, 23 March 2014

it came to pass

why do you go so 
                   so mild
wholly riled 
                     and extreme
                                        you whisper
you scream
                   death come unto me!
death came to see
                                        you weren't joking
and by then it was too late

was it not too late?

and then it came to pass

here be

here be
here be peace
here be east
and west 
the meeting point
the junction
here lies
                    your soul
your sole

and it came to pass
and it came to pass

no going back 

here be 
everything you are
everything you were
the sum of it all
you've come far
but further is closer
and closer is on the horizon
the horizon never ends

here is near
here is almost here
you're almost there

keep going


you got through
you ran ten thousand miles
to a place you almost knew

the earth grew

it had to be here
here be -----everything

mornings not for people

before dawn
then dawn itself
folding in on itself
         a time 
before time, 
words wrong, 
before time
before the line
a sentence, a paragraph
an utterance
there in camden
neon lights and random
things and things
looked so different
without people
without the people
in the cold soft light of dawn
without the people
exposing and forlorn
offloading, bits of torn-----

not much later

I followed the grand union canal 
up to the path I know well
 up primrose hill
          the sky was murky and so ill
           the sun it will
not rise for me
or the youngsters already there
like they came out of 
a tv series, a novela, a movie 
about broken dreams
and love and what it means
to be that age
-------a teenage 
     are, you there, 
still? another sunrise
the sun was missing
or it rose the other way
and I wasn't looking

so I wandered back onto 
that old train 
and closed my eyes, 
wishing sleep came
when it was supposed to

and there then, it came out
the sun, in lower marsh
I had a cup of tea alone
and then at lunch 
I went home
to the river 
a home
to me 

a place to be

and even later on 
that very day
I went to see St Paul
I heard the cathedral say
it's you
 it's you again
it's you

and so I crossed the silver
but still the
whispers continued
so soft like the tunes they sung
the men with dreadlocks
and the two musicians who came
up again
and a crowd of ten thousand

but to travel, to travel and to just be
where you're supposed to

it doesn't get much better....
                          than this

bus windows

and now your leaving
to go there
the place where real life
sometimes resides
and now where am I
where am I
that there
           is a place
where you exist
sometimes I stare
 through bus windows 
and just miss

people we meet

and geometry

collecting ammonites
and firing up 


we're all made of it

you came up again

and throwing up to the sky
as night
into day
the seagulls swoop
and catch them

by the bay

from eat
from eat

wasted you took them
before you left

morrocan love
the family waited
for a stranger
they were fated 
to meet


the empty polish club
with fruit and lemons
flashing lights

and demons


faces we know
names we don't

but love
is out there-------every(where)

and tyger tyger burning bright
william blake, he was right


it lies, it connects

Friday, 21 March 2014

kitties and wool

knitting for kittens
so beautiful, you were smitten
for shining iridescent eyes
purrs so soft
you kept sewing 
you got so lost
in your stitches and thoughts
come back again
to the material world

--------no, never
you whispered 

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

take spring

 she's back; 
                        you said
5am          she's wandering around
in your head
            I saw the thread
of light, 
the sunrise
beyond the lake
I heard the birds
whimsical and pretty
noises: sound patterns in the air
I could hear,
them tweet tweet tweet in the sky
        people, we can also fly

                just go to the lake
                              and take
a deep breathe
for this is living
for spring is giving
us a chance 
to start again

 -----------take it

Sunday, 16 March 2014

dropped out

dad you once said to me
no one can live your life for you
we won't be around forever
and neither will they
listen carefully to what i have say
you can';t live in someone elses' pocket
you;re heart, sometimes you have to lock it
one day you'll understand
one day I'll understand


i need
a new muse
to diffuse
some gold beams
to re-fink
dem old schemes
I need 
a new muse
to amuse
I need
some new news
                       some how you knew        I could use
to inspire
to re-ignite the fire
within, maybe its you
maybe its you
do you never tire
of being there