Saturday, 30 November 2013

ghost comrades

reunion magic
each with less baggage 
than this time last year
still growing together
though sometimes I fear
---you'll just disappear
-ghost comrades-
                            one and same


the lights in orissa
will they burn bright
or will they flicker
---and die
                                into darkness

no reception

connected again
yeah, I'm on call to be there
though really I'd like to go somewhere
where there's no reception

bauble rain

beneath an alien 
christmas tree
she made a promise
to never leave

                      and so
         the baubles came down

like rain

Thursday, 28 November 2013

a roadside conversation (in darkness)

the most interesting 
roadside conversation
I've shared in forever
though I must admit, after it, 
I was left wishing you never
called out my name
and said those things to me
cos as we parted ways
my soul felt so heavy
yeah maybe I wasn't ready
for you to speak truth
for you to see me this way
for me to see you that way
after so many years
years, so many tears (as in rips) 
so many years, 
often tear---------
 some apart
and bring others together
I really wish I never
heard you
say my name
maybe then I could remain
                             & free

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

darkness everywhere

our conversations ended
as the winter nights descended
and darkness became 
& just like that//// it was over--

not a coconut/ just a regular one

not a coconut
just a regular one
a regular nut
yeah I like to birdwatch
from any makeshift hut
in any random and remote place
yeah one of my favourite songs
is full of grace
not a coconut
just a regular one
but I do like to hum
old tunes from the fifties
I like to read up on
ideas from the sixties
I like to hike in the countryside
beside the opens seas
beneath the open skies
does that make me a coconut?
yeah I like looking at colourful art
at the tate
but does that make
me a coconut?
yeah I like a good roast
and jam on toast
but does that make me a coconut?
yeah i like to say good afternoon
to those I wish to have
a good afternoon
but does that make me a coconut
I like to recite hamlet
and read poems by keats and blake
I wonder, does that make
me a coconut? 
yeah I like drinking tea
and eating cake
does that make
me a coconut
yeah they say
I don't know who I am
but I know exactly who I am
and listen I never gave a damn
about labels 
or what you's lot thought
cos well life has taught 
me to just do me
to just be whoever i wanna be
and I don't care what that is
naaah not a coconut
-just a regular one-

friends at the lse

somehow they came together
at the LSE
i mean where else
would they possibly meet
in this big big world
the two 
a friendship somehow I knew
ran deeper than deep
and so I tried to keep
out of the picture
I tried to look and learn
from the two////
a novelist guy
a gangster who didn't shy
away from hard work
away from his rough life
they crossed paths 
and remained at the junction
as they tried to figure out
just how to function
G learned from the streets
writer from his books
it was there
at the junction that they shook 
hands and shared
it was there 
at the junction they took
new ways, new ideas
new things to say
we might hear this story
again some day
some place

inspiration station

stop off
at the inspiration station
and be patient
as you browse
for some kind of something


I wish I was more pious 
like you
I wish I was more pious
like you
I wish somehow I knew
how to be more pious
like you


man, I'm buzzing 
but listen
this kind of lifestyle
comes at a cost
and I paid the price
to a degree I'll always remain lost
                                  & otherwise

Monday, 25 November 2013

not here

we made it
you made it
i faded
into the background
I'm barely here

Sunday, 24 November 2013

long over due

a poem, long over due
girl if only you knew
just how much 
I've wanted to write something for you
but nothing 
no nothing
could convey
just what I wanted to say
yeah we crossed paths
at a time when we were both half
mental, lost but fully free
girl you and me
where do I begin
with our story
yeah it's been stormy 
in parts
but AG
the lessons you taught me
I could never have learned anywhere else
from anyone else
your determination, 
your enduring positivity, your smile
your kind smile
made it worthwhile
yeah you were there for me
when no one else was
and I never repaid you for that 
for never giving up on me
and I remember still
I remember
every adventure
yeah we've shared so many
we've shared so much
and words will never be enough
I just pray this is the year
all your dreams come true
they're already starting to
and knowing this 
makes me so happy
knowing this 
makes me so happy
AG you won't ever know
just how
special you are

Friday, 22 November 2013

you just knew

on a too cold
winters night
smoking a pipe
trying to erase
trying to wipe
away all thoughts
and memories
trying to refract
all negative energies
trying to exhale
yet //another// fail
-just let go-
just let it out,
colourful smoke
and a long sad happy laugh
yeah I'm sorry I missed it
but I didn't want to be
in a crowd
I didn't want to have to listen
to loud
small talk
I didn't want to be around
happy people
after a long and depressing day
at another job
that I'm about to leave
                                               //////////////////leave it out
listen. just understand
I ain't against you
I respect what you're trying to do
even if you think otherwise
I just didn't want them
to witness my demise
I would have let it show
detachment, entrapment
and so//////
I just spent time with a soul and a pipe
I just tried to wipe
stuff out
-----(with my only love)
 another girl, soon to be gone
how did we come together again
how did you know?

Thursday, 21 November 2013

a hundred thousand papers

such few words
such few words
I flick through 
so many words
so many words
          so many                 papers
----to be surrounded by piles
of tiny dots of paper
man I hate the
man I hate the
stacks of stupid paper
and the tiny dots too---
from a hundred thousand applicants
from all around the world
from all around the world
if only you
could break free
and maybe
stop applying
and apply yourself
to something real
like the art of alchemy
a voyage to outer-space
for this-----
is such a waste
of paper
of words
for a piece of paper
for a short excerpt
-------------------what a waste
///////////////////////////of time
the very thing that life is made of
-being here-
and there in the noon
in the sun
at lincoln inn fields
I was trying not to yield 
to the voices saying
don't go back
-------------------you don't
have to
you don't have to!

thinking on buses

so (as ever) I walked
I walked
in the night
in the night the city 
it looked so pretty
it was such a pity
you weren't there
and I was so far out
how did I get here?!
I wanted to shout
at the top of my lungs
and I wanted to ask you
how it went today
but I can't 
I wanted to ask you
why you're always so far away
but I can't
and so I'll just keep riding buses 
and I'll just keep looking to neon lights
and I'll just keep 
feeling this lost inside
-thinking of you-

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

we are nowhere and it's now

the trippy moments 
that made up today
the trippy moments 
I got so much to say
about the trippy moments
that made up today

the ghetto greek guy
from ladbroke grove
the postboy of LSE
would you believe that he showed
me the ropes and that I was
the post boys post boy
yeah jokes
                but not so                  funny
but kind of hilarious
-yeah right on the money-
(but I fell short)
no matter we laughed
as we lugged
around two cardboard boxes
with cups of tea and sarnies, 
life is barmy
proper. and sometimes I wonder
whether I'm just tryna be funny
or kitsch
or ironic
----------------am I looking for something to pitch
a story (for life is far stranger than fiction)
and I've always first and foremost been the writer

no matter, listen I'm on it,
i'm on dis ting----------
i'ma bring
------------------something to the table

the trippy moments that made up today
she flit past me in a blur, I was like hey!
and then she stopped twice
and turned around, that old friend
a professor who once managed to mend
that part of me and so she said 
we need to catch up
but I was too caught up
thinking of you
of ten thousand Zhang Chou's 
ten thousand applications
for ten thousand pointless masters
lately I've mastered
the art of disengagement
somehow I'll break 'em,
----------------the shackles!
these iron rings of me(n)tal,

and then and then and then

I nicked a green apple
as inside I grappled
-----with this thing called life
and so I went outside and waited at a bus stop
but the bus didn't stop
and I left my belongings inside
/////no where to hide, no where to abide//////
in peace
-don't disappear,
d'you hear?-
                               don't disappear
and so night came
and I walked to SOAS
but then I got lost in the dark
I got lost in the dark
ended up in some park
and so a friendly young lady took me
in another direction,
                                      like I took that Nigerian lady named Grace
yesterday in Greenwich
to another university
to the place she needed to be
-we give, life gives,
and so I travelled with her                                            
because I was somewhere else
and we talked a bit
and then and then and then
when I got there
I forgot the combination of the prayer room
but then but then but then
another kind young lady came
and we talked
and talked 
and then I went down
and saw her

the trippy moments that made up a day
we didn't stay
long, no
we escaped, we traipsed
-----as we do
by the festive christmas stalls,
and our friend the river
and it was magical
and the tedium and weighty sadness
--------------------and enduring madness
left me and us, and everyone.....

......and then I got a missed call
on a broken phone
that's wasn't even mine
it wasn't mine, 
the burning tea scolded my hand--
                          I'm doing just fine
and the river watched unconvinced
and after words behind glass,
after a bus ride that didn't last
and the flute and saxaphone that played
a souls melody and the man's head
spun around his neck,
a barking dog, a stick of liquorice
in peace and after we talked
until there was nothing
left to say
after all that

------------we crossed the bridge

(we are nowhere-----and it's now)

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

looking for another way

time to discover 
new ways to recover
all that was lost
cos well insofar
 everything I've tried has cost
me everything
and got me nowhere
and sure I can go 
ten thousand years without a phone
I can avoid ever going home
but alone, one can't atone
for wrongdoings, 
and so sure
I can forever/// disappear
but by doing so I won't ever near
-perfectitude/ healing-
so I think I better start dealing
with life a little differently
I should stop
running away
cutting out
painting over
and going it alone
and begin by
just beginning--------
cos well 
they're not going anywhere, 
                               they're never giving up 
(on me)
and so I shouldn't
                        give up on myself/

like we used to

dear mrs v 
how come when I thought of you, 
you thought of me
the law of attraction
 old friend 
life is but a distraction
 I'll come back to you, I will
one day and we'll just 
like we used to

awe in constancy

always in motion
I got this notion
that to move
is to be moving 
with time
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
all the time
all the time
I try to experience the sublime
by remaining in constant awe
of everything
even the ordinary things
like a deck chairs
like a flight of stairs
and a lone cup of tea
in a shed at night

Sunday, 17 November 2013

storm outside

hmm so now, 
weighing up 
the (non)options before me
                          --------------to be free
                                to be free
                 to just be
hmmm should I go back 
to cutting down trees
with my friends the 
no I can't go back
no I can't go back
should I go to the dino shop
resume conversation
with the dead birds and the dead rocks
no I can't go back, I broke the locks
(for a reason)
hmm should I start peddling drugs again
no please don't send
any prescriptions my way
no, I can't go back
no, I can't go back
instead, I'd like to just slack
off----------------------------maybe retire from life
retire from life
               I'd like to retire from life                                      
should I just do 
sweet nothing
cos really, I'm tired of doing stuff
of seeing folks,
and acting tough
when really
I'm good, I'm gone 


vague ideas 
they materialize
some how
you just have to be there
you just have to stare
at it long enough
for it to become real

Saturday, 16 November 2013

between sublime and surreal

the sublime moments 
that make up a day
the sublime moments
I got so much to say
but no words
the sublime moments 
that make up a day
let me try to say
the sublime words 
that made up a day:
 the mouse 
exploring the silver city
-----dirty and gritty 
 the crumpled foil
------wagging its tiny tail, 
trying not to spoil
an appetite ////////////(for disaster)
a moment
four ladies from Sri Lanka
laughing in unison on the northern line
hysteric, foreign, some kind of sublime 
a moment
being with my friend
on the sand; on the shore
made up of ten thousand pores
of glass, in the sublime light
a cloud of it, in the night 
above st pauls
her bags, I go bag-less
but with much baggage
you can have it
the sublime moments 
that make up a day
the pigeon that flew away
across the heavy orange and green sky
next to a a building, (not real but oh so) high
the dots on a topi
her foot next to mine in prayer
the waves, coloured in christmas lights
the beggar on the street
his touch, our eyes did meet
both sunken
his fingers touched mine
as I imparted silver
raggedy blanket
rain mixed with gleeful sorrow
the sublime moments
that make up a day
ten million to make up a life
girl what do you say?
come away with me 
the time is now

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

vera lynn and autumn leaves

listening to vera lynn
-we'll meet again-
(don't know where, don't know when)
back then
with professor J and the crows
time slowed
down, it's speeding now
on remembrance day
while traversing space
like the island
in the middle of the 
dried up lake
on an autumns day
the sun shines for the sake
of all thirsty souls
absorb gold rays
you are home now----

still around

she's getting married
my best mate
the girl who carried
me through
girl, I'm so happy for you 
but I ain't gonna lie
I'm proper sad too
I'm not ready to lose you
(not yet)

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

thanks, for noticing

you missed you train
you missed your stop
you missed a lot
-of things-

thanks for noticing

Sunday, 10 November 2013

pot noodle and raggedy clothes

pot noodle
hollow hellos
bumming around
stains on my clothes
sitting in the basement
for I can't waste them
the days
and so even when the malaise
makes it hard
I become harder
and just go---
-never at home-
///////cos I got this feeling
that I can't start healing
until I fall through---
fam, I love you
for trying to
///get me

another end of the world

edging precariously 
on the surface of the sea
the mud flats 
the broomway
half liquid half solid
----------bottled it
I felt like complete shit
in that dream I was having
or was it I nightmare
either way, when I woke up I didn't care
if is seemed real, still
though it did, kill
 some hopes of a restfulsleep
for I entered, the end of
the world, 
and watched from a high place
the dark grey ocean rise and fall
waves lashing high and tall
and ethereal lights all around
a storm, ink waves
white sprays
and I stood there with my camera
desperately trying to take a picture 
but my it wasn't working
and my sisters were shouting 
come on, just come on
so I dismantled my camera
and water poured out of it
and seaweed started to grow around it
and so I screamed
and then I followed mother
as she edged towards the stage
on the surface of the sea
wholly preciously
for it was on the stage
my sister was to be married
///and then my teeth wobbled
and fell out 
and I awoke

Friday, 8 November 2013


wandering around at night
by tower bridge
the world is a fridge
so cold, so dark
but beautiful
and you will see;
true beauty
true beauty
at night, the festive lights
shimmer like bright diamonds
emeralds, I try to find them
all around, by the river
broken bits of a star
that fell from outer space
broken bits of a heart
that no longer remains

the road is life

so free
yet so sad
you'd think
it would get easier by now
walking away
for I've walked-------
                      ten thousands times to date
                                                                  ...but nah, I am
at peace, and so free
yet so sad
to leave
yet again-
 ---- strangers I've come to know

/no matter, the road is life-

Thursday, 7 November 2013

what its like one day

-crossing the bridge-
learning to /live/
in this dunya; my way,
on a rainy grey
watching the smog 
listening to the sky breathe
yeah I wear my heart on my sleeve
but not for you
just for me
just to see
what its like (one day)

Monday, 4 November 2013

someone like you (but not you)

you got married
and you took here there
your wife
yeah I was just looking in
feeling almost contented within
that you weren't him
that she wasn't me
I'm so glad that she wasn't me
isn't life so completely funny
thank the Lord she wasn't me
thank the Lord I'm still free
but I pray you're both happy
I am, for I dodged another bullet
and I'm living life to the fullest
 I know, I still got
a long long long way to go
but if I didn't
what would there be to look forward to
                                                           //////the journey---

Friday, 1 November 2013

bitter sweet

and then it came to me
nothing, I dreamed about you
in my dream, you pushed me away
i miss you, I got some stuff i wanna say
but my phone is non-existant
and you don't have internet
and somehow we've let
ourselves drift ///// away
from everyone in the world 
including each other 
and I'm left wondering whether
you feel as alone as I do right now?
maybe this is what life is supposed to be
wholly bittersweet///// I better keep
my unspoken words
to myself

elusive----as ever

often in life
you don't get what you want
and when you do
you realise all too soon
that what you want
 wasn't actually what you wanted
at all----
                         paradox of life


and so she came
with a suitcase full of remedies
and I jotted them all down in my moleskin
beneath fireworks, we wandered in
confoundment; and she said I know you
better than you know yourself
sy, you don't know yourself at all
you need to disappear
you need to find it
you need to make clear
your intentions
                                      ---- all intentions
and so I listened to her, for once in my life
                                               I followed her advice

too little, too late

too little too late
i wish you didn't make me wait
                                     so long,
I wish I wasn't always
                                  this wrong

too little to late
time now////    for a clean break
time now////    to try and make
beautiful stuff happen

one new change

and then last night
another rooftop sunset
where was that again
I forget, time it blurs
ahhh one new change
one new change
what a name
watching st pauls
feeling insane
as ever ever ever
sharing old woes
but nothing real
because nothings ever real
like this twilight
and then it gets dark
and so we go to a cafe
and watch the river from above
this is compensation
for living in a dream
but still wanting
somehow to connect
to whats happened/ to whats happening
sad sad laughter
this is my way of connecting
to all the ten thosand places I been
autumnal cold, what does it mean
the hanging bats
by the big circle eye
and st pauls
you knnow it looks like the dome
at kennington station
the pleasure gardens
at that museum in the orange storm light
immersive, watching the people
on the screen, people from the past
what does that mean
watching water heal
cut off from everyone and everything
I can't really feel
and well, I don't care much anymore
not even about the undying storm
but I'm happy
-forever/ small details- 
enduring beauty