Sunday, 29 December 2013

roads called destruction

for there are
so many roads ahead of me
but they all lead 
to place called destruction
yeah there are so many roads to take
there are so many people waiting for me to make
that choice to be free, but not free
just wrong. I don't want to go down
any of those broken roads that beckon
I don't want to meet 
any of them people that reckon
I'd be happier living their way, by their rules
no rules at all, adhering to desires
no sooner will it transpire---- sheer emptiness 
for I know it already 
and I promised I'd never give up on the path
the path
                                               I've been wandering (backwards)
for so many years, 
lord, I won't
I won't, I won't
follow them into the darkness
I won't follow them anywhere
I told them already
I'm waiting on You
and You alone, all else
is just pass-time, 
Lord this won't be the last time
I ask for guidance
Lord, help me find a way ///(out)

Saturday, 28 December 2013

so god-damn beautiful

you looked so god-damn beautiful
it broke my heart
you looked so god-damn beautiful
it broke my heart
you're my best friend for life
my best friend for life
now your someone else's wife
my love, as I held your hand
there on that stage
as I made you laugh
I felt myself fade
into someone else, 
into your beautiful shadow
I felt bad though
//////////////-----yeah I was overcome
                                             by the strangest feeling
giving you away
having dinner with your mum
and feeling part of your family
at long last, 
yeah your mum, she kept us apart
                                   and so she can love me
she can love me now
                        that you're safe

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

a haunted kind of feeling

maybe its the graves
maybe its the screams
maybe its the way
you come at me in my dreams
/a haunted kind of feeling/

maybe it's the places
maybe its the faces
that dark dark darkness
that sparse sparse sparseness
heart, heart, heartless
/a haunted kind of feeling/

maybe its the wards at night
maybe its the shadows with(out) fright
looking down    
                                           from such a great height
/a haunted kind of feeling/

maybe I'm still reeling
from that time the heavy hospital ceiling
fell on my head
                                and I was left for dead
no I never said

a haunted kind of feeling
a haunted kind of feeling
----here I be still spieling
                                                                 on about a haunted kind of feeling
//////respite, no more

sums that don't add up

I miss you, I miss you
I wonder whether all them
old myths were true
in the end, I would like to lend
you more than only subtractions
minus minus minus
all that I took away from you
I miss you, I miss you
I wonder whether all them
old myths were true
I wonder where I'll be tomorrow
or next year
Lord knows I'd like to be
                       some place other than here
////////////////////this junction
this same treacherous junction
another deduction
minus the clarity
multiply the confusion
/////////here at a junction
                                                                             called                           nowhereness
                            but where are you? 
are you between two 
worlds, both equally unreal
the sums don't add up
because you took away
without saying anything
but I wonder
what is there left to say
in this big world full of empty words
except maybe
I miss you, I miss you
I wonder whether all them
old myths were true
/////////forget it

that be life

don't you forget girl 
that we're all essentially alone
I admit I was thrown
I was proper hurt
but then I remembered
             //////////////////that be life
that be life
you just got to rise
up and be stronger than that
see that be life
that be life
that be the nature of human people
illusory and transient
invisible and absent
here one minute gone the next
and when you live like I do
you don't often get vex
you don't ever forget
that things were once true
even if they stop being that way
maybe someday
truth will reign
once again
who knows, all I know
is that we're all essentially alone
so don't go
calling anyone forever
so don't go 
expecting shit from anyone
that be life
that be life
you just got to rise
up and keep going
/////////////                     //////////////////////////////////////

Monday, 23 December 2013

free tilikum

the orca
from the aurora
and brought down 
to the sick sick world
of seaworld
a dark place
where human people hurl
fish for tricks
more money for more pricks

-free tilikum-

the captured orca,
from the aurora 
residing to this day
in that sick sick place
of seaworld

there tilikum stares at his scars
through the reflections in the glass
orca, from the aurora
you deserve to see the stars
from the sea so far
from this sick world
of seaworld.
of human people

-free tilikum, free tilikum, free tilikum-

orca divine
why did humankind
capture you, 
you weren't created
for a lonely life of trauma

free tilikum, free tilkum, free tilikum

whale psychosis
we're the most-est
screwed up 
species ever, ---- human people
how did you come to develop
a sick greed
the desire to breed 
more sad and angry tilikums
more orca's
destined to be brought to
concrete bath tubs
from mothers torn
a desire to be unborn///

free tilikum, free tilikum, free tilikum

Friday, 20 December 2013

cemetery blues

sitting there
on a broken tree trunk
in that
homely, lonely
feeling like
wishing the spirit
never left
me on my own
on my own
amongst decaying flesh
and bits of corroded bone
sitting there
in the december sun
trying to see clear
trying to come
to terms with a thing called death
i wish you never left
me, sitting there
amongst wrecked
 and worn graves
listening to waves
of noise, ///algorithms///the crows
the children's laughter 
guard the
coming from the school 
the school i once attended
the dead say nothing,
as if thoroughly offended
by joy, by life
by, life
we will come to die
for none can defy
the inevitable

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

bingo babes/ granada grannies

granada grannies
the bingo babes of tooting
everyday you'll find them refuting
notions of aging
by engaging 
in sweet silly laughter 
friendship and play
they played bingo 
while speaking in a lingo
none would understand
and amongst them sat Mildred
a cocky loud-mouth gran
 determined to win back a grand
she lost, till then
poor Mildred was banned 
from entering the house till 12
but well
where else was there to go
but gala bingo
where all her friends were
enjoying life, 
granada bingo
a place lost in time
there she would sit
waiting, waiting waiting
for her number to come up 
/////////////////38- it came to late
as soon as she left 
it came on screen 
life is like that
d'ya get what I mean?
-granada grannies,
bingo babes, 
keep smiling in the face
---------------------------------of senility 

deptford creep

deptford creek
deptford creep
in the fog
it looked so bleak
in the fog
she looked so meek
deptford creek
deptford, it reeks
of blood now
and mud
 ------unnatural mud
on the surface,
her face
and scatters
amongst pieces of waders 
ripped into shreds
and pieces of raggedy
worn and hapless dreds
deptford creek
deptford creep
fox fur prayed
you would never meet

trippy london, day #673

the trippy moments
that made up a day
 two french rasta hippies
with rad moustaches gathered change 
in a quick exchange 
before jumping on the bus
and off again
at woodstock avenue
woodstock avenue
man, the view,
from above was near perfect
even on the surface
nothing close to ordinary
the carvings in the mud temple
in Wembley, the hole in the wall
an entertainment centre, all flash and secret
the broken little huts from the past
on either side of the tiny waterfall
the roofs were all
 caving in
the tin cans were dented in sin
and brent town hall 
memories of a wedding crashed
and getting lost in the woods at night
alone, as ever, 
the yellow sludgy stream
another toxic dream 
the empty beautiful pergola
almost unreal, completely deserted,
the setting purple sun
the flashes from a camera
that old restaurant owner who always
calls them darling in his posh
anglo-indian accent
and writing poetry
outside the poetry library at night
and never going inside
and getting in trouble for sleeping
pan-londonism-souf, norf, west and the rest
and latin american music
smoother than smooth
and more images than anyone can ever make 
sense of
like those two raggedy bums
sat together ever close
watching a tiny prehistoric scream
while grooming their long beards
and the 83 bus past that yellow building
retracing steps
the stadium
and places never known to exist
to exit
the trippy moments that make up a day
a hundred thousand to make up a life
girl what do you say?


we're living in it
diluted fiction
it doesn't really sit
well with the dreamer
its hard to see the
truth in anything
any more

Monday, 16 December 2013

december is cold

there, there, there
in another crowd I didn't know
there, there, there
no inhibitions, no caution to throw
to the wind,
there, there, there
I saw fire
I saw you through a haze of smoke
our eyes met girl, 
                                    but it was so broke
what we were, what we had
my rock, my fam, my truest blad
you were a stranger then
(how did that happen?)
--------------yeah life, its so sad
but I'll be so glad,
when you are, just know
                              you won't ever be erased
you won't ever be replaced, 
-------------you'll just be
another bitter-sweet memory
-true love, fades-
but forever we'll remain
this I promise you

now is all you have

living in the now
no clue where I'm going
but I know somehow 
I'll get there
and even if I don't
it's the journey that matters
though sometimes the journey
it shatters
all hopes of an ending
worth mending
the broken incomplete-ness
that exists, nontheless
we learn,
we learn 
to live in the moment
to make moments mean
something or nothing
nonsense or articulation
moments that happen, that are
like laughing every day
with other human people, strangers and friends
like accepting yourself and everyone,
like trying to spend
time with real time, with real life, with reality
else, and realising 
that it don't matter
no it won't matter, one day
so say, just say
 what you want
whatever's in your heart
or else the what-ifs will start
to carve craters in your soul
stealing parts of you
----- and taking a toll
on what's left of a life-----------
the One is watching over you
------so live well

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

chilli sauce and surreal

chicken cottage
the baubles on the ceiling
surreal observations
without any feeling
------of reality
like six pairs of eyes
from six shades of colour
dull the 
(lights) and turn it into home----
six pairs of eyes,
                      somewhat alone
looking up 
                                     at a single screen
------a black and white dream
with subtitles
////a sundial----
somewhere out there
like that sad old indian film
from the sixties
that they were all watching
the somali youth
man behind the counter
the two travellers in the booth
they found a
escape, chewing on fries
their eyes
set on the screen
the baubles fast-fading
-------a black and white dream
chilli sauce and the surreal
images that fill
(collective minds)//
//////our london life

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

as a kid in lahore

since I was a kid
I learnt to pick
myself up 
and keep going
i broke my foot
i split my chin
i lost all my friends
yet nothing could remove the grin
on my face
and the passion in my heart
to explore
yeah as a kid in lahore
i learnt how to explore
I learnt to pick myself up
after each and every fall
I learnt to walk 
before I could ever crawl 
and now
I'm just still that kid
who am I kiddin'
I'll never change who I am
and I don't want to-----

Monday, 9 December 2013

strange birds

another day
another lake
another chance
I failed to take
there listening to birdy
listening to strange birds
listening to strange birds
watching two cormorants 
                                      two cormorants perched
on two high high branch
there listening to strange birds
there listening to strange birds
-my wounded wings still beating,
you’ve always loved the stranger inside…(me)-
//////signs/////// ----beating---- 
just being there -----breathing----
just being able to stare
up at the big big sky
and down at the big big lake
to be able to decipher
the real from the fake
and in the sun 
they seek me out
and they look through my eyes 
into my vacant soul and say
the depths, I'll never know
or understand- 
human connection
yes life, it's strangely unfair
but so undeniably beautiful, 
that one ceases to care
about anything but the signs
beauty-----sublime signs (they mean everything)
but nothing, 
so don't read too much into them
for they'll just drive you mad
yet here- a dharma bum again,----so glad
for it feels so good

Sunday, 8 December 2013

namak mandi

you took me out 
of it
where I was
with water and wire
with loving and laughter
---no more
                                     the way you enhanced
my life with colours
with erasing smoke and somali strangers
speaking a tongue unknown
to know-----
it exists out there still 
there, with star-crossed plans
there singing terribly in grams
there in namak mandi
the salt market
you took it out of me
you took me out
of it
and I love you so much 
                                    for taking it out of me
-ten million billion times-

Friday, 6 December 2013

viking supreme

to be you 
to travel 
to trade snakes
to travel
to never put your foot on the breaks
to track wild animals
the wildest of all animals
----human people
to be you 
to just go
some place you don't know
to reside in jungles
to follow killer elephants
to go against the elements
to take no notice
of security codes
to have loads
and loads and loads
of courage
to be you
for here, now---
I'm disliking
-----everything I am

..wandering by the shore (un--sure)....

...time lapse, 
                              didn't happen... 
(unsure, on the foreshore)
                                           ---for sure, 
                              didn't happen...

Wednesday, 4 December 2013


they yawn
they mourn
the nights descent
the mornings arrival
is was made clear
in the bible
kempis says
kempis says
kempis says

magic cave steward

hmm to be 
in the crystal cave
to watch the waters cascade
to wander to and fro
in a grotto where few come and go
hmm it might be
more than slightly

there for you.

feeling sad
for all my friends
who are feeling sad
feeling bad
for all my friends
who are feeling bad
you're not alone
for it's a known
fact that we're living lives 
in parallels 
in the same city
in different cities,
in different parts 
of the world too
life is beyond strange, 
if only you knew
life is so sad
gosh if only we had
more time
if only we didn't have to
live our lives
in lonesome parallels
you there smoking
you there wandering
you there smashing it to pieces
me here-----sprinting
away, forever sprinting---
-love to you, all-
each and every one of you
/////we'll get through---

leaving without words (I have none)

sitting by the river
perhaps its time to reconsider
perhaps its time to reconfigure
to redeliver, 
an ending
I left again
without a word 
I left again
without a word
like a raging bird
trying to be caught
I sought
freedom, from human people
and that silly baroness
who I couldn't care less
about, and those 
hundred photos 
that meant nothing
nah I didn't give a shit
about any of it
even though
it was what 
I wanted my life to be about
where am I again?

deans yard

sitting on some -----------------
glorious ancient wall 
in st deans yard
like a bum; I was caught off guard
--------------------------I was off duty
I was overcome
by London's dis-beauty
//////a murky dawn
a feeling of forlorn
all around 
all around
the trumpets sound
and the school boys talk about history
as the motorcyclist 
lies on a stretcher
while the paramedics and police 
scrape metal off the floor
we all saw
it, ------a mortal
---------------fall through
a portal

where i go

everywhere I go
I meet people that I know
that know people that I know
that know
people that I know
s'why I gotta go 
some place far where 
don't nobody know
the people that I know
that know people that I know
that know people that I know
listen, I ain't like you
I don't want no success
I don't want no stress
I just wanna be
and free
I just wanna breathe

all creatures vets

//////mental one
she hugged a letterbox
before chasing a crazed fox
down mysore street
past two shops
one a barbers
one a hair salon
inside two human people, 
were filing one long talon
and mirroring acts 
of grooming
she stopped 
when she got
to all creatures vets
they don't treat just pets
but all wild wild animals
will they treat me?
she wondered
                             -before stepping inside
////you have reached your destination////

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

bill and terry's contraption

bill and terry
every night
they arrive by ferry
and in moonlight
they create like
these mad contraptions
on the shore of the thames
 yeah they spend
time creating 
strange contraptions
that transport them
to worlds unknown-----
worlds that know
nothing of

Sunday, 1 December 2013

k-pop at twilight

dancing to k-pop
in the empty park after dark
beneath the estates 
soufside, king georges, 
 the star forges
a friendship with the moon
the lake glistens
and the swans swoon
as we dance to kpop
after dark in the park
ah girl, we're still stark
mad (I've missed you)

Saturday, 30 November 2013

ghost comrades

reunion magic
each with less baggage 
than this time last year
still growing together
though sometimes I fear
---you'll just disappear
-ghost comrades-
                            one and same


the lights in orissa
will they burn bright
or will they flicker
---and die
                                into darkness

no reception

connected again
yeah, I'm on call to be there
though really I'd like to go somewhere
where there's no reception

bauble rain

beneath an alien 
christmas tree
she made a promise
to never leave

                      and so
         the baubles came down

like rain

Thursday, 28 November 2013

a roadside conversation (in darkness)

the most interesting 
roadside conversation
I've shared in forever
though I must admit, after it, 
I was left wishing you never
called out my name
and said those things to me
cos as we parted ways
my soul felt so heavy
yeah maybe I wasn't ready
for you to speak truth
for you to see me this way
for me to see you that way
after so many years
years, so many tears (as in rips) 
so many years, 
often tear---------
 some apart
and bring others together
I really wish I never
heard you
say my name
maybe then I could remain
                             & free

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

darkness everywhere

our conversations ended
as the winter nights descended
and darkness became 
& just like that//// it was over--

not a coconut/ just a regular one

not a coconut
just a regular one
a regular nut
yeah I like to birdwatch
from any makeshift hut
in any random and remote place
yeah one of my favourite songs
is full of grace
not a coconut
just a regular one
but I do like to hum
old tunes from the fifties
I like to read up on
ideas from the sixties
I like to hike in the countryside
beside the opens seas
beneath the open skies
does that make me a coconut?
yeah I like looking at colourful art
at the tate
but does that make
me a coconut?
yeah I like a good roast
and jam on toast
but does that make me a coconut?
yeah i like to say good afternoon
to those I wish to have
a good afternoon
but does that make me a coconut
I like to recite hamlet
and read poems by keats and blake
I wonder, does that make
me a coconut? 
yeah I like drinking tea
and eating cake
does that make
me a coconut
yeah they say
I don't know who I am
but I know exactly who I am
and listen I never gave a damn
about labels 
or what you's lot thought
cos well life has taught 
me to just do me
to just be whoever i wanna be
and I don't care what that is
naaah not a coconut
-just a regular one-

friends at the lse

somehow they came together
at the LSE
i mean where else
would they possibly meet
in this big big world
the two 
a friendship somehow I knew
ran deeper than deep
and so I tried to keep
out of the picture
I tried to look and learn
from the two////
a novelist guy
a gangster who didn't shy
away from hard work
away from his rough life
they crossed paths 
and remained at the junction
as they tried to figure out
just how to function
G learned from the streets
writer from his books
it was there
at the junction that they shook 
hands and shared
it was there 
at the junction they took
new ways, new ideas
new things to say
we might hear this story
again some day
some place

inspiration station

stop off
at the inspiration station
and be patient
as you browse
for some kind of something


I wish I was more pious 
like you
I wish I was more pious
like you
I wish somehow I knew
how to be more pious
like you


man, I'm buzzing 
but listen
this kind of lifestyle
comes at a cost
and I paid the price
to a degree I'll always remain lost
                                  & otherwise

Monday, 25 November 2013

not here

we made it
you made it
i faded
into the background
I'm barely here

Sunday, 24 November 2013

long over due

a poem, long over due
girl if only you knew
just how much 
I've wanted to write something for you
but nothing 
no nothing
could convey
just what I wanted to say
yeah we crossed paths
at a time when we were both half
mental, lost but fully free
girl you and me
where do I begin
with our story
yeah it's been stormy 
in parts
but AG
the lessons you taught me
I could never have learned anywhere else
from anyone else
your determination, 
your enduring positivity, your smile
your kind smile
made it worthwhile
yeah you were there for me
when no one else was
and I never repaid you for that 
for never giving up on me
and I remember still
I remember
every adventure
yeah we've shared so many
we've shared so much
and words will never be enough
I just pray this is the year
all your dreams come true
they're already starting to
and knowing this 
makes me so happy
knowing this 
makes me so happy
AG you won't ever know
just how
special you are

Friday, 22 November 2013

you just knew

on a too cold
winters night
smoking a pipe
trying to erase
trying to wipe
away all thoughts
and memories
trying to refract
all negative energies
trying to exhale
yet //another// fail
-just let go-
just let it out,
colourful smoke
and a long sad happy laugh
yeah I'm sorry I missed it
but I didn't want to be
in a crowd
I didn't want to have to listen
to loud
small talk
I didn't want to be around
happy people
after a long and depressing day
at another job
that I'm about to leave
                                               //////////////////leave it out
listen. just understand
I ain't against you
I respect what you're trying to do
even if you think otherwise
I just didn't want them
to witness my demise
I would have let it show
detachment, entrapment
and so//////
I just spent time with a soul and a pipe
I just tried to wipe
stuff out
-----(with my only love)
 another girl, soon to be gone
how did we come together again
how did you know?

Thursday, 21 November 2013

a hundred thousand papers

such few words
such few words
I flick through 
so many words
so many words
          so many                 papers
----to be surrounded by piles
of tiny dots of paper
man I hate the
man I hate the
stacks of stupid paper
and the tiny dots too---
from a hundred thousand applicants
from all around the world
from all around the world
if only you
could break free
and maybe
stop applying
and apply yourself
to something real
like the art of alchemy
a voyage to outer-space
for this-----
is such a waste
of paper
of words
for a piece of paper
for a short excerpt
-------------------what a waste
///////////////////////////of time
the very thing that life is made of
-being here-
and there in the noon
in the sun
at lincoln inn fields
I was trying not to yield 
to the voices saying
don't go back
-------------------you don't
have to
you don't have to!

thinking on buses

so (as ever) I walked
I walked
in the night
in the night the city 
it looked so pretty
it was such a pity
you weren't there
and I was so far out
how did I get here?!
I wanted to shout
at the top of my lungs
and I wanted to ask you
how it went today
but I can't 
I wanted to ask you
why you're always so far away
but I can't
and so I'll just keep riding buses 
and I'll just keep looking to neon lights
and I'll just keep 
feeling this lost inside
-thinking of you-

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

we are nowhere and it's now

the trippy moments 
that made up today
the trippy moments 
I got so much to say
about the trippy moments
that made up today

the ghetto greek guy
from ladbroke grove
the postboy of LSE
would you believe that he showed
me the ropes and that I was
the post boys post boy
yeah jokes
                but not so                  funny
but kind of hilarious
-yeah right on the money-
(but I fell short)
no matter we laughed
as we lugged
around two cardboard boxes
with cups of tea and sarnies, 
life is barmy
proper. and sometimes I wonder
whether I'm just tryna be funny
or kitsch
or ironic
----------------am I looking for something to pitch
a story (for life is far stranger than fiction)
and I've always first and foremost been the writer

no matter, listen I'm on it,
i'm on dis ting----------
i'ma bring
------------------something to the table

the trippy moments that made up today
she flit past me in a blur, I was like hey!
and then she stopped twice
and turned around, that old friend
a professor who once managed to mend
that part of me and so she said 
we need to catch up
but I was too caught up
thinking of you
of ten thousand Zhang Chou's 
ten thousand applications
for ten thousand pointless masters
lately I've mastered
the art of disengagement
somehow I'll break 'em,
----------------the shackles!
these iron rings of me(n)tal,

and then and then and then

I nicked a green apple
as inside I grappled
-----with this thing called life
and so I went outside and waited at a bus stop
but the bus didn't stop
and I left my belongings inside
/////no where to hide, no where to abide//////
in peace
-don't disappear,
d'you hear?-
                               don't disappear
and so night came
and I walked to SOAS
but then I got lost in the dark
I got lost in the dark
ended up in some park
and so a friendly young lady took me
in another direction,
                                      like I took that Nigerian lady named Grace
yesterday in Greenwich
to another university
to the place she needed to be
-we give, life gives,
and so I travelled with her                                            
because I was somewhere else
and we talked a bit
and then and then and then
when I got there
I forgot the combination of the prayer room
but then but then but then
another kind young lady came
and we talked
and talked 
and then I went down
and saw her

the trippy moments that made up a day
we didn't stay
long, no
we escaped, we traipsed
-----as we do
by the festive christmas stalls,
and our friend the river
and it was magical
and the tedium and weighty sadness
--------------------and enduring madness
left me and us, and everyone.....

......and then I got a missed call
on a broken phone
that's wasn't even mine
it wasn't mine, 
the burning tea scolded my hand--
                          I'm doing just fine
and the river watched unconvinced
and after words behind glass,
after a bus ride that didn't last
and the flute and saxaphone that played
a souls melody and the man's head
spun around his neck,
a barking dog, a stick of liquorice
in peace and after we talked
until there was nothing
left to say
after all that

------------we crossed the bridge

(we are nowhere-----and it's now)

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

looking for another way

time to discover 
new ways to recover
all that was lost
cos well insofar
 everything I've tried has cost
me everything
and got me nowhere
and sure I can go 
ten thousand years without a phone
I can avoid ever going home
but alone, one can't atone
for wrongdoings, 
and so sure
I can forever/// disappear
but by doing so I won't ever near
-perfectitude/ healing-
so I think I better start dealing
with life a little differently
I should stop
running away
cutting out
painting over
and going it alone
and begin by
just beginning--------
cos well 
they're not going anywhere, 
                               they're never giving up 
(on me)
and so I shouldn't
                        give up on myself/

like we used to

dear mrs v 
how come when I thought of you, 
you thought of me
the law of attraction
 old friend 
life is but a distraction
 I'll come back to you, I will
one day and we'll just 
like we used to

awe in constancy

always in motion
I got this notion
that to move
is to be moving 
with time
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind
all the time
all the time
I try to experience the sublime
by remaining in constant awe
of everything
even the ordinary things
like a deck chairs
like a flight of stairs
and a lone cup of tea
in a shed at night

Sunday, 17 November 2013

storm outside

hmm so now, 
weighing up 
the (non)options before me
                          --------------to be free
                                to be free
                 to just be
hmmm should I go back 
to cutting down trees
with my friends the 
no I can't go back
no I can't go back
should I go to the dino shop
resume conversation
with the dead birds and the dead rocks
no I can't go back, I broke the locks
(for a reason)
hmm should I start peddling drugs again
no please don't send
any prescriptions my way
no, I can't go back
no, I can't go back
instead, I'd like to just slack
off----------------------------maybe retire from life
retire from life
               I'd like to retire from life                                      
should I just do 
sweet nothing
cos really, I'm tired of doing stuff
of seeing folks,
and acting tough
when really
I'm good, I'm gone 


vague ideas 
they materialize
some how
you just have to be there
you just have to stare
at it long enough
for it to become real

Saturday, 16 November 2013

between sublime and surreal

the sublime moments 
that make up a day
the sublime moments
I got so much to say
but no words
the sublime moments 
that make up a day
let me try to say
the sublime words 
that made up a day:
 the mouse 
exploring the silver city
-----dirty and gritty 
 the crumpled foil
------wagging its tiny tail, 
trying not to spoil
an appetite ////////////(for disaster)
a moment
four ladies from Sri Lanka
laughing in unison on the northern line
hysteric, foreign, some kind of sublime 
a moment
being with my friend
on the sand; on the shore
made up of ten thousand pores
of glass, in the sublime light
a cloud of it, in the night 
above st pauls
her bags, I go bag-less
but with much baggage
you can have it
the sublime moments 
that make up a day
the pigeon that flew away
across the heavy orange and green sky
next to a a building, (not real but oh so) high
the dots on a topi
her foot next to mine in prayer
the waves, coloured in christmas lights
the beggar on the street
his touch, our eyes did meet
both sunken
his fingers touched mine
as I imparted silver
raggedy blanket
rain mixed with gleeful sorrow
the sublime moments
that make up a day
ten million to make up a life
girl what do you say?
come away with me 
the time is now

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

vera lynn and autumn leaves

listening to vera lynn
-we'll meet again-
(don't know where, don't know when)
back then
with professor J and the crows
time slowed
down, it's speeding now
on remembrance day
while traversing space
like the island
in the middle of the 
dried up lake
on an autumns day
the sun shines for the sake
of all thirsty souls
absorb gold rays
you are home now----

still around

she's getting married
my best mate
the girl who carried
me through
girl, I'm so happy for you 
but I ain't gonna lie
I'm proper sad too
I'm not ready to lose you
(not yet)

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

thanks, for noticing

you missed you train
you missed your stop
you missed a lot
-of things-

thanks for noticing

Sunday, 10 November 2013

pot noodle and raggedy clothes

pot noodle
hollow hellos
bumming around
stains on my clothes
sitting in the basement
for I can't waste them
the days
and so even when the malaise
makes it hard
I become harder
and just go---
-never at home-
///////cos I got this feeling
that I can't start healing
until I fall through---
fam, I love you
for trying to
///get me

another end of the world

edging precariously 
on the surface of the sea
the mud flats 
the broomway
half liquid half solid
----------bottled it
I felt like complete shit
in that dream I was having
or was it I nightmare
either way, when I woke up I didn't care
if is seemed real, still
though it did, kill
 some hopes of a restfulsleep
for I entered, the end of
the world, 
and watched from a high place
the dark grey ocean rise and fall
waves lashing high and tall
and ethereal lights all around
a storm, ink waves
white sprays
and I stood there with my camera
desperately trying to take a picture 
but my it wasn't working
and my sisters were shouting 
come on, just come on
so I dismantled my camera
and water poured out of it
and seaweed started to grow around it
and so I screamed
and then I followed mother
as she edged towards the stage
on the surface of the sea
wholly preciously
for it was on the stage
my sister was to be married
///and then my teeth wobbled
and fell out 
and I awoke

Friday, 8 November 2013


wandering around at night
by tower bridge
the world is a fridge
so cold, so dark
but beautiful
and you will see;
true beauty
true beauty
at night, the festive lights
shimmer like bright diamonds
emeralds, I try to find them
all around, by the river
broken bits of a star
that fell from outer space
broken bits of a heart
that no longer remains

the road is life

so free
yet so sad
you'd think
it would get easier by now
walking away
for I've walked-------
                      ten thousands times to date
                                                                  ...but nah, I am
at peace, and so free
yet so sad
to leave
yet again-
 ---- strangers I've come to know

/no matter, the road is life-

Thursday, 7 November 2013

what its like one day

-crossing the bridge-
learning to /live/
in this dunya; my way,
on a rainy grey
watching the smog 
listening to the sky breathe
yeah I wear my heart on my sleeve
but not for you
just for me
just to see
what its like (one day)

Monday, 4 November 2013

someone like you (but not you)

you got married
and you took here there
your wife
yeah I was just looking in
feeling almost contented within
that you weren't him
that she wasn't me
I'm so glad that she wasn't me
isn't life so completely funny
thank the Lord she wasn't me
thank the Lord I'm still free
but I pray you're both happy
I am, for I dodged another bullet
and I'm living life to the fullest
 I know, I still got
a long long long way to go
but if I didn't
what would there be to look forward to
                                                           //////the journey---

Friday, 1 November 2013

bitter sweet

and then it came to me
nothing, I dreamed about you
in my dream, you pushed me away
i miss you, I got some stuff i wanna say
but my phone is non-existant
and you don't have internet
and somehow we've let
ourselves drift ///// away
from everyone in the world 
including each other 
and I'm left wondering whether
you feel as alone as I do right now?
maybe this is what life is supposed to be
wholly bittersweet///// I better keep
my unspoken words
to myself

elusive----as ever

often in life
you don't get what you want
and when you do
you realise all too soon
that what you want
 wasn't actually what you wanted
at all----
                         paradox of life