Sunday, 16 June 2013

still here, still suffering

lord i'm suffering 
i'm dying inside
lord, i'm suffering
I just wanta hide
forever and ever and ever
because no matter what they'll never
get it. get this 
lord they be wrong 
so wrong, I long 
for someone to understand 
i ain't depressed 
i ain't lowly
i'm just sick 
lord I never been sicker
and when I hear them snicker
at my pain, when I hear them blame
me: the joke, I choke
lord i be choking a million times a day 
lord what I got, it won't go away
malaise? no lord its real 
so real, lord i feel 
so entirely unwell 
and of course I just go on living
(but not really living)
lord, I pretend I'm okay 
but you know in truth
I'm so far from okay
lord, I spend so much of the day
mending their problems, 
trying to fix their souls 
when my whole 
being is being
my head hurts, my heart hurts
my lungs are polluted and I'm choking 
lord it ain't mental 
I ain't mental
I'm just sick
lord I wish
I had someone to talk to 
but the people I talk to 
they never get it 
and I want them to so bad
lord, I've had 
enough, lord how can I explain 
in a way that'll make them feel the pain
 if I can't I'm no writer 
lord, I'm trying so hard
to do my best 
but I can't overcome it 
lord why can't I get through this one test
its going on and on and on 
it comes back with a vengeance
lord its like i got a life sentence 
of pain. lord i don't know the name 
of this thing I got. 
I think I'm the only one 
in this whole wide world 
who's ever experienced it
and it makes me feel so lonely
knowing that, and feeling this way
lord for now I got nothing more to say 
except this 
please take away my suffering
please take away my suffering
I'm up against a hard blustering 
wind and it's tryna blow me away,
against a force so strong
I'm still tryna stay
rooted, but lord it's hard 
but so am I. yeah I know I am. 
Lord please- I wanta be at ease. 
please, please please
lord, make it go away.