writing whitstable

old friend,
i'm sorry I went without you

to be honest, 

lately i've been feelin' so blue 

and I knew

that I wouldn't be
very good company

so I went it alone, 

lately I seem to have grown

so weary of people

but I thought of you

when the train reached 

faversham

I thought I saw the two

of us walk by 

against that moody sky 

perhaps in another life

perhaps in an alternate universe
-unversed- I sighed

so I spent the day 

alone with my symptoms and the sea
as I walked, my rucksack felt so heavy-

it weighed me down;
the weight of the world
pressed against my shoulders

every day, I grow bolder
perhaps I (too) grow colder

but there i was trying to clear

my head, beat the fear

i was trying to destroy 

that part of me

see, listen
 I've got this theory

I have to break myself

completely, totally

I have to burn before I can 

return
to 'normal' 

before I can come 'back'

I have to press on
I have to turn my back
on wanting it gone...

I have to fight it 

by giving into it,
and also by killing it 

every day and

it's hard, shit man, it's hard

but all worthwhile things are

and I've come too far

to go back now. So I'll push myself

till I break, I'll let this thing take 

my everything 

for I'll be left with my real self

it's beatiful, I know, in a strange way

and one day, it will to get easier

when the fires burnt out 

and only ashes remain

that's when I'll gain

everything-

hmmm

the reason why I escaped to

whitstable in kent

perhaps to vent

to wallow

to swallow another reverie

to be,
see the graver it gets 

the braver I become 

I've begun 

to understand it now

I've had to plough

through years of memories

when I was sixteen 

i made it to stonehenge

unchanged
yet now at twenty-three

feel like I'm going on seventy

ahh this crazed medley 

this life, it will drive

you to the brink 

of insanity...