Wednesday, 13 March 2013

writing whitstable

old friend,
i'm sorry I went without you
to be honest, 
lately i've been feelin' so blue 
and I knew
that I wouldn't be
very good company
so I went it alone, 
lately I seem to have grown
so weary of people
but I thought of you
when the train reached 
I thought I saw the two
of us walk by 
against that moody sky 
perhaps in another life
perhaps in an alternate universe
-unversed- I sighed
so I spent the day 
alone with my symptoms and the sea
as I walked, my rucksack felt so heavy-
it weighed me down;
the weight of the world
pressed against my shoulders
every day, I grow bolder
perhaps I (too) grow colder
but there i was trying to clear
my head, beat the fear
i was trying to destroy 
that part of me
see, listen
 I've got this theory
I have to break myself
completely, totally
I have to burn before I can 
to 'normal' 
before I can come 'back'
I have to press on
I have to turn my back
on wanting it gone...
I have to fight it 
by giving into it,
and also by killing it 
every day and
it's hard, shit man, it's hard
but all worthwhile things are
and I've come too far
to go back now. So I'll push myself
till I break, I'll let this thing take 
my everything 
for I'll be left with my real self
it's beatiful, I know, in a strange way
and one day, it will to get easier
when the fires burnt out 
and only ashes remain
that's when I'll gain
the reason why I escaped to
whitstable in kent
perhaps to vent
to wallow
to swallow another reverie
to be,
see the graver it gets 
the braver I become 
I've begun 
to understand it now
I've had to plough
through years of memories
when I was sixteen 
i made it to stonehenge
yet now at twenty-three
feel like I'm going on seventy
ahh this crazed medley 
this life, it will drive
you to the brink 
of insanity...