mountains: material and immaterial

so you went it alone

to the black mountains of wales

to the place that I failed- 

to reach, funny that you said 

you thought of me  

funny that I thought of you too

back last week,
back when I was feeling blue 

I'm still feeling a little blue 

if only you knew, but it's true

you can't
understand
you can't reach out your hand
and keep me from going under
the world will be torn asunder
one day and one day
none of this will matter 

not you, not me
not the mountains
not the sea
look, I need to talk to someone;
maybe myself, maybe you
though I can only talk through
this poem..
the truth is: the truth is: the truth is:
(avoidance)
the truth is I'm sick.
I've been afflicted
with a disease no one gets,
a disease that will not let 

me live the way I please
 this disease,
perhaps it's spiritual in nature,

but it doth enslave her-
it enslaves me 

hmm but maybe in another life 

I travelled to the black mountains

and you travelled to the coast

these synchronised encounters are most 

unusual and disconcerting

...hurting, I'm spurting 

out nothingness, to nobody
a shadow that once was
-at loss; I forgot. 

I wonder though unknowingly

did we depart on the same day 

did you feel the same way 

as me, sort of empty

sort of alone

did you fight the voices
in your head too- as you roamed, 

hmm we both made it

we both let it fade a bit

but its still there for the taking 

friendship, maybe...
-this stiff upper lip

i've inherited it

perhaps I was born to not to fit

into this place, perhaps I was born to 

to sit out of the things that matter 

and they tease me with possibilities,

beautiful ideas, for she's going to palestine
and I am here wasting time.
If only they knew

If only they knew. I tease myself too
I torture myself through and through
I guess maybe that's why 

I've stopped talking to people-

you know, let me tell you 

I wanted to stay in touch

very much
 I wanted to stay in touch 

but the circumstances were such

that I couldn't
can you tell I'm projecting
I'm talking to someone else through you?
I'm speaking to you
I'm speaking to you
(you're not reading this)

and I can't make you 

or anyone else understand the fact 

that physically, I have to rest my chemistry
I'm lacking,
killer cells are attacking 

me and so are the voices

the labcoat said

there are so many things

science can't explain

I think she thought me insane

I wanted to sit out in the rain 

it was raining outside

I wanted to hide
the world goes by 

as time flits and drags, I flag;

never did I brag.
I'm talking to you....

But now it's the end of march

three lost months of hard living

of giving it my all 

of breaking my bones 

with every fall 

and sticking them together with tape
you can't escape, you can never escape
yourself...

ah funny still, I have so much to say 

in 'real life', so many stories to share 

wisdom to impart, but I no longer care

for sharing, you don't understand 

I can't get through to myself
how can I get through to you?
Robert Frost was right, it's true
nothing gold stays,
Pony Boy, they destroyed you
I've had it with me...

some days it's hard to breathe.
dots upon dots
some days it's hard to see.
man, what am I on...? (ignore me)