Thursday, 21 March 2013

mountains: material and immaterial

so you went it alone
to the black mountains of wales
to the place that I failed- 
to reach, funny that you said 
you thought of me  
funny that I thought of you too
back last week,
back when I was feeling blue 
I'm still feeling a little blue 
if only you knew, but it's true
you can't
you can't reach out your hand
and keep me from going under
the world will be torn asunder
one day and one day
none of this will matter 
not you, not me
not the mountains
not the sea
look, I need to talk to someone;
maybe myself, maybe you
though I can only talk through
this poem..
the truth is: the truth is: the truth is:
the truth is I'm sick.
I've been afflicted
with a disease no one gets,
a disease that will not let 
me live the way I please
 this disease,
perhaps it's spiritual in nature,
but it doth enslave her-
it enslaves me 
hmm but maybe in another life 
I travelled to the black mountains
and you travelled to the coast
these synchronised encounters are most 
unusual and disconcerting
...hurting, I'm spurting 
out nothingness, to nobody
a shadow that once was
-at loss; I forgot. 
I wonder though unknowingly
did we depart on the same day 
did you feel the same way 
as me, sort of empty
sort of alone
did you fight the voices
in your head too- as you roamed, 
hmm we both made it
we both let it fade a bit
but its still there for the taking 
friendship, maybe...
-this stiff upper lip
i've inherited it
perhaps I was born to not to fit
into this place, perhaps I was born to 
to sit out of the things that matter 
and they tease me with possibilities,
beautiful ideas, for she's going to palestine
and I am here wasting time.
If only they knew
If only they knew. I tease myself too
I torture myself through and through
I guess maybe that's why 
I've stopped talking to people-
you know, let me tell you 
I wanted to stay in touch
very much
 I wanted to stay in touch 
but the circumstances were such
that I couldn't
can you tell I'm projecting
I'm talking to someone else through you?
I'm speaking to you
I'm speaking to you
(you're not reading this)
and I can't make you 
or anyone else understand the fact 
that physically, I have to rest my chemistry
I'm lacking,
killer cells are attacking 
me and so are the voices
the labcoat said
there are so many things
science can't explain
I think she thought me insane
I wanted to sit out in the rain 
it was raining outside
I wanted to hide
the world goes by 
as time flits and drags, I flag;
never did I brag.
I'm talking to you....
But now it's the end of march
three lost months of hard living
of giving it my all 
of breaking my bones 
with every fall 
and sticking them together with tape
you can't escape, you can never escape
ah funny still, I have so much to say 
in 'real life', so many stories to share 
wisdom to impart, but I no longer care
for sharing, you don't understand 
I can't get through to myself
how can I get through to you?
Robert Frost was right, it's true
nothing gold stays,
Pony Boy, they destroyed you
I've had it with me...
some days it's hard to breathe.
dots upon dots
some days it's hard to see.
man, what am I on...? (ignore me)