course of my history

How can you talk about the stuff

you yourself can't even begin to make sense of

-there's way way way way too much

so I made a mind map

and I realised this mind
its full of magical beautiful crap

this mind, this year, I swear

it's been, something else, 

the crowds, the cut ties

the ten thousand goodbyes

I ran away
 twice

twice they followed

a hundred times,  I swallowed 

my own words

many times/ times many/ many times

captured nothingness
in ten thousand rhymes

/it's my fault/

everything and it's wonderful

and shit, but now, how

do I make a hundred wrong things right

how do I go back in time

and just change the course of my history
-life/ forever it eludes me-