elastoplast

a million things 

to be grateful for 

but are we ever really

are we ever really

really really

-grateful? or do we just 

dwell in our disasters?

like elastoplast plasters 

gratitude

it covers wounds

protects and heals
it seals and conceals
-imperfections-
but are we ever really really 

grateful, sincerely, 

-sheer gratitude-

(is the answer)

mics and saleros

hipsters on bikes 

beatboxes 

mash-up mics

never-ending

-re-e-wind-

and them dreadlocks 

and them neon socks 

and them whisteblowers

blowing blowing blowing

and there we go 

eating our salero's 

on the grass 

on a summers evening

-the gang reunited-

this is how it goes

kind of like de ja vu though

earlier on 

pink ice-cream 

outside the museum 

-kind of an obscure dream-

but beautiful, nonetheless
I guess
...this is how it goes...

this human nature

always reaching out/ always backing away

least I got riggy

have you always been this way

so cold/ so cut off?

yes i have 

and

i don't mind any more

I don't look for 

-acceptance-

not yours, or anyone else's

see now, 

I'm okay with me 

however crazy/ however unwell
I may be

-at least I got riggy-

yeah, least I got riggy

excuse me gentlemen

excuse me gentlemen 

she said to the
trio of fat uncles

 blocking the way

excuse me gentlemen
-yo, move yourselves!!!-
they be congregatin' every day,
in da same place
dailyfresh,
you get more than just veg
(elbows and shoves) 

murky sky/ murky soul

Here I am again, 

Waterloo

going round the bend

your bend 

and the other one too

Here I am again, 

Waterloo

still feeling as though 

life is wholly untrue

like she asked me to contact him 

to ask to be trained, 

we talked about charity 

our plans were the same

mine and his 

all that time ago, 

life is so (and so and so)

incomprehensible

maybe's it's a game 

I feel like I'm going insane 

again and I can only blame

myself. too many abrupt changes

too many absent exchanges

and I can't account for them

the ones that took place

sometimes I just try to think 

I try to make sense of it all

but I can't, 

and I go off on a silent rant

ranting, ranting, ranting

boo-hoo-hoooooo

Waterlooooooo, 

I relayed to her all my reasons

present reasons, not past

all real, except I left one out

the one that outlasts (the entirety)

the only one that matters

the only one that's scattered

me, into a million little pieces

-I have died, a hundred times-
though I realise 

until it goes away 

my life will periodically go astray

-spiritual malaise?-

who knows, who knows, who knows 

who understands,

just You. 

-dreaming still: to be without-

gettin' high outside springfield

one evening

two guys 

chillin' outside 

the mental hospital 

gettin' high 

passing the time

listening to drake

-on loud speaker-

ahahahahahahahaha 

I heard about these folk

swear down, no joke

-drake on loud speakers

they be them 

new- age seekers

yeh boi, riggy said!

to cut off again and again and again

she keeps 

cutting herself off

because she feels so alone

around others; 

she never knows

-how to be-

but now 

that her phone

never rings

-it's lonelier-

elderflower cordial

old lady 

with an air of elegance

and forgotten class

i often see you around

your lips bright red 

your straw hats fraying 

i often see you 

picking off and laying down

elderflowers

into a basket

he asked you once

why you do that 

and you replied

cordially

they're for my 

elderflower cordial

irrelevance

there was a time 

i liked the rain 

so much more 

than I like the sun 

nowadays 

they've both become

-irrelevent-

souf london life

so yeah she was painting the mural

while they were shooting hoops

they were skating on ramps

while they were gathering the troops

they were snapping photos

of the markings behind police tape

their mouths, they were proper agape

it's like they couldn't quite take

it, (what had happened)

father: you and your wildflowers

father I had a dream 

that you planted wildflower seeds

all around the edge of that ancient bog 

we travelled to that day 

father in my dream

those seeds you sowed grew

and the flowers bloomed straight away

a beautiful sight to behold

and father, later after I woke up 

I went downstairs to find

in a vase on the dining room table

a handful of 

mismatched wildflowers

sleep paralysis

sleep paralysis

twice in one night 

how many times 

will I experience 

sleep paralysis 

in my troubled life?

angels, scientists 

can you explain

how I can tame 

this demon 

that sits on my ribs

-ellipse-

mathematics

maybe you can 

chain, 

up the shadow

so he can remain

in his place

for I find it hard

to face

him

sleep paralysis 

unable to move

unable to remove 

the demon on my ribs

crushing 

(nothing)

-in the quiet darkness-

screaming 

-a silent (paralysed) scream-

this isn't the dream/ this is the real

I don't live on your earth,

not any more, not like before 

not even a bit 

where I live 

doesn't fit 

with all that you 

understand 

to be real

-sleep paralysis-

that's some deep shit

right there

but me

honestly I no longer fear

-anything-

(finally Gaia)

Brother save us, we are burning!

'brother, save us, save us 

we are burning!' 

the children screamed 

from inside a school bus on fire

despite the smoke and flames

the children didn't tire 

of screaming, 

till their very last breaths

till their very last tiny breaths-

'brother, save us, save us

we are burning!' 

and he tried 

he did, the young man 

a distressed youth 

but it was no use, 

he broke the glass

he tried to save them 

but by then

too much time had passed

the fire had spread

and the fire had led

the children to burn to death
 'brother save us, save us 

we are burning' 

he's still turning 

around their desperate plea's

at night its hard to sleep 

-16 children died today

in Pakistan, in a school bus fire-

let's talk about that

let's talk about how precious 

their tiny lives were
let's talk about the absent bus driver
who left the burning children
shouting 'brother save us,
save us, we are burning...'

amazing people and that one boss.

to just be

so overwhelmed

by life, by living

to just find

them everywhere

those people who remind

you of everything

you gave up on

dreams/ projects/ ideas

-yourself/ themselves-

to see them then

in newspapers

old friends
 old teachers

old preachers
to see their names in print

to see them on TV

it brings

about the strangest feeling

to see where you are

to see how far

you've come kind sir

while we're so far

in terms of knowing

-yes, in terms of knowing-

to know that despite it all

despite my fall

-from grace-

despite the fact that I erased

myself from your reality

(and vice versa)

to know that even now

that even after all this time

all those chances you gave me

-those chances passed me by-

to know
I can send you a text message

and you'll reply

at the end of the day I know why

and you don't know how much

that means 

Swear down, I'ma try harder 

I'ma to fix up 

and to all of you 

who still have my back 

I swear I'll pay you back 

with sheer kindness

one day in the not so distant future

-truth-

to flow like the shabelle river

brothers, sisters

stay strong, 

don't be made to feel wrong

don't be made to feel you don't belong

here. for this world it's all of ours and

you can't let the fear
tell you any different
brothers and sisters
we must remain
-steadfast-/ please refrain 

from changing, who you are

trust me, it will get better

so don't even sweat it

just let it

just let life take it's course

and like the shabelle river

we must continue to flow

we must continue to deliver

we must continue to go

about living our lives
the way we know how

the way we were taught
by our prophets, by our teachers
by our Lord

-with dignity and patience and strength-

slate grey sky

storm over head 

the edge of a slate grey sky

-where its white-

they'll remain dry 

but below the grey 

he runs, he runs away

from them drops of rain

hard rain

and the noise it makes 

when it hits the concrete

-a thousand tiny smacks-

the smell of

-washed new-

he continues 

running through

the dark-skinned runner

with his crisp slate grey suit 

matching the slate grey sky 

in his ears, those white 

head phones

to cut him off from the present

to drown out the sound

-of water against concrete-

yet there's no where to hide

from fat drops of rain

take the head phones out 

man and you'll gain

much more
from this moment
-concrete and rain-

smile forever, through whatever

to just be happy 

for no reason

in particular; 

though 

reasons

there 

are 

many 

even when there aren't any 

none 

them psycho moslems

you know that right?
that they already planned

to brand 

us all psychotic 

no way now to block it 

the damage to come

-trouble well stirred- 

like they've done 

throughout time 

to watch reruns of history
to live in it
man, aren't you guys tired
of this same old shit
don't know why, we ever expect
things to change
there's no peace in this world
and the fault is all of ours
now lets count down the hours
before the rioters riot
before the haters hate
before the attackers attack
-innocence-
and I got an idea
-media-
 why don't you
take the blame
for you claim
to know everything
-reporting/ framing-
ingraining
the bias
-racism-
in such a short time
you undo all we work for
-the real truth seekers/
the real freedom fighters-
but you'll never incite us
to do the same
we ain't playin' your game
we ain't playin

empty fair ground

so I wandered around 

the empty fairground

waiting to be found

perhaps behind the reeds

perhaps under a pine

by the skinny robins;

the sun comes out to find

everything, it's okay

that one spindly blossom tree

watches on, by the edge of the lake

that green green green

that too white swan

reminds me of a dream

and 

that everlasting fossil

i forgot how beautiful 

the common is

in the summer

the sun, I swear

it only comers out for me

only after i leave

to leave, to breathe

in nature

the soul exhales

the heart hurts 

but it would would hurt worse

if i was still there

-to seek real life-

-to be fearless-

office types

-neurotic office types-

you know the kind

maybe its the lack of oxygen

thats rendered them so unkind

me, yeah i try not to mind

i try to find

excuses for them

when none exist

man i gotta resist

the urge to run

maybe the time has come

for me to leave again

but she said to me

i can't keep running away

this time I have to stay

at least till the summer

will I do a runner 

before then? I don't know,

I just know that my heart 

it hurts. It really hurts
-proper-

Lying under my Sky

lying on the grass in my common

wishing it wasn't so common

for me to be un-feeling this way

ahh but to lie on green grass

 in the open, on this day

where there are no people 

to look up at the boundless sky 

forever 

to understand wholly in that moment 

to feel peace in a world where there is none 

in my green common

chased away: them post-work blues 

by a hundred hues

of beautiful-

S.J

S.J

somehow I've got a feeling

you're still reading

my scribbles

from across the atlantic

so, frantic... I wrote you

this message

(not a poem)

SJ I have to say

I just have to say

thank you for being there for him

when the rest of us can't be

you're a good person,

truly

better than me

(no comparison)

SJ, I'm sorry.

you gotta stop

yo, stop self-prescribing

what you're describing

-its complete madness-

cacoon days

-you know those days-

cocooned in your room

door shut, curtains drawn

lying in bed

staring at the ceiling

-unaware-

(of the world outside) 

-failing to care-

(whether or not it's still standing)

yeah, one of those days.

urban wander #42

singers, painters

clowns and time-wasters

river breeze

walking through them

same old streets

of london

day in and day out

i keep hanging about

i keep losing myself

in the same crowd

lacking: nothing

nothingness

but a ghost

a wandering girl phantom

life it's so random

just last week, Waterloo

I felt like I was thorugh

now here I am
sort of renewed

bit by bit by bit

I flit, I sit, I writ...

...another poem

in the hazy evening sunshine

amongst indescisive seasons

just like my reasons

thin, changeable, transient

lord are you with me now?

every time i cross the bridge

the sun comes out

so swift, as if to say hello

and then a slow

redemption song begins

to sound

wandering phantom girl 

wait for no one

to talk and talk and talk

like if only

i had someone to talk to 

you know like really talk to

about magical stuff

about the stuff that's magical 

and glorious and mind-blowing 

and inspiring and mad

and also the things that are
a really quite sad

like I don't know, 

certain stars and certain signs 

ah if only there was someone 

with whom I could share all my rhymes
even the really strange ones, 

like if only 

there was someone I could

talk to forever, without ever

feeling weary, just interested

ah to connect, to just get someone 

to just talk and talk and talk 

like that one time,
-under the pine-

with that dusty foot philosopher

-he wasn't of this world: truly-

crazy/ beautiful/ muslim

crazy/ beautiful/ muslim 

girls

I've known so many 

crazy/ beautiful/ muslim 

girls

their allure

lies in their pure 

desire to achieve 

spiritual greatness

while the world
continues to berate us 

for trying to be in two places

at once

-heaven and earth-

and with the passing of months

we never stop trying 

outsiders/ they never stop prying

they never stop picking holes

at our seeking scattered souls

crazy beautiful muslim 

girls

i have so much love 

in my heart for them 

crazy/ beautiful/ muslim 

girls, the world
 it lies at your feet

just keep to the plan, our purpose

it's to meet

the One, the Face of Love

the Everlasting- 

for this passing
life

-is nothing but illusory-

crazy beautiful muslim
girls 

you mean so much to me

-respect-

disconnect/ dissect

to disconnect/ to not dissect 

something beautiful 

using light and ink

-blink-

and you've already missed it.

you've missed
-something beautiful -

like the patterns on the backs 

of the dinosaurs

like the coloured graffiti 

on the canteen walls. 

He looked like Barney, 

all green and purple

digging into his fish sandwich 

sipping on his toxic juice,

what's the use 

of dissecting 

something beautiful

when you never saw it

in the first place

that young lad, hood up

eating a bright blue ice-cream 

now it seems 

so strange, I agree

and those four dangling legs 

by the stone Sphinx

-unassuming-

and there: lying on a bench

to lie anywhere,
on any patch of grass
and to stare 

up at the sky 

(this/ is/ life) 

to stare up at those leaves,
chinese leaves

by the transmitting station

-to endure with patience-

to be
stationary

to just be
 to just see, to just breathe

to just listen to her

the girl who brings me joy

to disconnect 

to not dissect 

the row of men, the private tracks 

the present moment

stacks and stacks and stacks 

(of present moments)
the remote control cars

how fast they went

how hard they were concentrating

tearing through
venting
  better sometimes
to disconnect 

to not dissect
something beautiful

(I've done it again, haven't I?)
-dissected-

(a)maze(d)

so blessed 

to have a best
mate 

who would travel

straight 

into the heart of a maze 

with me, no questions asked

the maze

-it was so real-

a(maze)d:

hearts were sealed

cracks were healed

-we found it-

i saw you

i saw you. 

i saw you. i saw you 

you didn't see me but i saw you 

i saw you. i saw you. i saw you

I deplore that you 

didn't see me too

what happened
to our shared telepathy?

-sufi

in the eve

microwaving lebanese 

take away 

for the famous meccan 

somali shaykh

-sufi 

I wanta go heaven 

I prayed behind you shaykh 

please pray for me too 

I heated up your food 

a tiny kindness

Lord for it, 

take away my blindness

I wanta see again

only You can help me

-forever-

busker and I

knock knock knocking 

on heavens door 

more than reminiscent of the poem 

i wrote to you lord

and every song to follow 

spoke to the depths of my soul 

something deep inside

something ethereal 

am i, still knocking?

or is there something blocking 

that door? Lord, 

if for one moment in time

I could feel the way I felt 

on that bus, all those years ago

It would be so much easier

to throw it all away

Lord when he finished 

after so much time passed

I went up to him and handed him a fiver 

and I told him he played a great set

(other people, they just left)

he looked into my eyes and I knew that

he knew what I meant when I said 

that he played a great set. 

 With a smile and a thank you, 

I said see you around 

and turned away 

-a bit too fast-

(always hasty)

quit da emails

beg you 

quit emailing me 

i already know 

i'm missing out 

no need to flout

it, your orchids 

your butterflies 

your sunny days 

under the sky

I can't come out

not now, not ever

I just gotta go 

wherever

life takes me, 

and right now

its taking me 

elsewhere

blackbird

the most beautiful thing I saw today

a blackbird with the orangest of beaks

having a splashing good time

in a plastic container of water

how refreshing, sparrow looked on in awe

as blackbird dipped his head in the water

laid before him, once, twice, thrice

he flapped his wings so boldly

dispersing millions of droplets
all around bird song grew louder

as if to say

blackbird you handsome beaut!

continue cleaning your feathers
you're so darn cute!

so dutiful, so beautiful

blackbird you are, da one!  

I'll keep knockin'

there's nothing left for me to do

but to give myself wholly to You

I know, I know, I know

I've said this so many times before

but this time I mean it.

Lord, I'm yours!

close all other doors,

but the door to You

I'm knocking

I've been knocking

I'll keep knocking

till my fist falls apart

till my fingers start

to bleed repentance

till solace departs (from me)

I'll keep knocking
I won't keep locking
myself out (not now)

-please let me in, I'm destitute-

(Lord I got nowhere else to go)

please let me in

stranger than fiction (always!)

life

it's far stranger than fiction

the law of attraction,

unspoken affliction

the way things happened

domino effect:

-it almost wrecked-

(everything)

when it never made sense

and honestly I can't believe it

that we were thinking of each other

in paralells SJ, I didn't want to delay

my message to you

and when I received your message too

before I exposed mine,

I swear I heard the universe sigh

(relief)

-a near missed connection-

-words spoken out loud-

(well kind of)

to be a fat caterpillar

how many times

does the caterpillar have to break

before it can finally make

that change

-flutter away butterfly-

one day soon, I

would like to morph

into another creature

-tired of being human-

words exhasuted

words exhausted

the words resorted

-to silence-  

dwindling

dwindling

falling

the number of followers

for right now, I'm calling

for no one

(for nothing)

-whispering-

anonymity

still seeking

invisibility

Soon I'll publish

all these poems

and add them

to my ever-growing pile

of unread books

for I (never) fail to (not) learn

when I read back

with fresh eyes

-pretty worthless if you ask me-

scribbles

to scribble down

nineteen poems

in two days

no more poems

not today

-twenty-

leave me alone dippy blad!

Of all the places I tarried 

it was in the dino shop that I carried

around with me the most sadness

inherent madness (it surfaced)

and troubles weighed me down

memories they'd often make me frown

and I don't know why 

of all the places that I've tarried

it was in the dino shop that I carried

everything. I don't know why  even now

I can't get the dino shop out of my head

nor dippy, nor whale

nor mammoth, nor dead birds

-more than empty words-

-more than just another confession-

rather an expression

of longing. 

like I left my heart in Lahore 

maybe I left behind

another vital part of me in the dino shop

...don't know why I can't stop

thinking about it. I flit. 

It's what I do, what was it about the dino shop

that grew 

on me? Was I ever truly happy 

in life? yes, no 

-I don't know-

I just know I never learn

I just know that I forever yearn 

to be back there

all the places that I've left behind 

-a succession of incomplete departures-

-a procession of unsaid goodbyes-

broken people

broken people

so many

broken people

eyes patched up

limp hands

missing legs

brains gone

haywire

Broken people

we encounter many

broken people

but I wonder

does their brokenness

make them any less

human

or on the contrary

does it make them

more so?

kind of whimsical?

rain clouds

smudgy sky

should I try

to make sense of it

it was harder

than its been forever

the devil pressed

my heart with his

cold finger tips

-inexplicable heaviness-

physical, whimsical

was it real, what is real

gee whiz,

I'd really like to know

would you like to show

me the real?

do not brand, rather try to understand

there are things in life

that even now I strive

to understand

like why people brand

others, their own brothers

lunatics, losers, heretics

yeah it's pretty pathetic really,

wish I forgave you now

-wish I said something-

something simple, like hi, or goodbye

-and all those things in between-

doesn't matter now, doesn't really mean

a(ny) thing

(none of these poems do)

them skeletons

skeletons in your closet

close the door, lock it

-and throw away the key-

Sky I mean Sy

Sky, I mean Sy, I mean Sky

I exist outside of me

its the reason I can vent so freely

its the reason why I pour out so easily

these feelings, they aren't mine

In time, I hope to step back into my body

I hope to reclaim my name

my real name, it's not Sy

(sigh) Sky, that's not my name, Sy

that name's not mine.  

interlude (not)

to walk, to walk, to walk

to walk, to walk, to the river

give her, give her, give her

the gift of freedom

of certainty, of servitude

-no interlude-

just now

go ahead, vanish (see if i care)

Waterloo,

why do I feel so blue

why do I feel like i'm through

with this life

these days I reside

in that same feeling

that one I would get

when treading rooftops at night

-so high-

known to all

as the crazy midnight walker

I'd watch the shadows as I paced

I'd yet to face (reality)

-detached-

darkness, shrouded in darkness

of every kind, darkness it sort of reminds

me of everything

of every dark thing

and there with that busker

listening to him sing

that dark dark song

I realised I no longer belong to this city

nothing belongs to me

-ready to leave-

-ready to vanish once more-

no mind games

no mind games

for this mind remains

broken

-fudged-

but still I never been one

to hold a grudge

I never been one to drudge

up others ills

-mistakes and misgivings-

so do the same by me

no mind games please

for this mind remains

-broken-

To Walk with God

walk it off

I been tryin' I swear

walk it off

I been walkin' for years

if you require proof

just look to the soles of my shoes

look to the soles of my feet

they're all worn down

yeah and I'ma beat

from all ma walkin'

from walkin' it off

now I just wanta walk

I just wanta walk with God

I don't wanta plod

on earthly ground no more

no, I don't wanta walk,

man I wanta soar

I wanta soar with

them angels

so pure

-yeah, I wanta soar-

-don't wanta walk no more-

the writer

maybe what I really want

what I really need

is to quit my day job

and to become a writer so

maybe I should go

and do just that

but wait, maybe it's too late

maybe I'm not good enough

maybe these words

really are all

meaningless and empty

old wise artist

to the old wise artist

-Bill- 

you passed down 

to me a skill 

a gift

the gift of art 

of experimenting 

of perfecting the craft

creatively 

without criticism 

without scepticism 

all the while
preaching nothing but
encouragement

yeah, Bill 

you took me under your wing

you taught me things

you taught me how to see

the world a bit differently

and for this 

I thank you

imagination/ possibilities

seeing things 

and then 

making up stories in

my head, 

for i never said

these stories were all true

to be true

life is more interesting

through and through 

when you make stuff up

the imagination

offers a kind of 

emancipation

from the mundane

from the every day

-seeing- 

but not really seeing 

everything 

that could be 

-possibilities-
it's all about the
possibilities

celebrations

a box of empty celebrations 

by the shore 

no wrappers left-over

i wonder what
the celebrations were for

perhaps he adored

you that much
too much
and as such
he couldn't see
he was too busy

celebrating 

the both of you 

being together, under that blue
twilight sky 

-short of forever-

chocolates by the river, 

time slowly began to wither
-it was your last night-

for straight after, you left to go
to a nameless place, 

he still doesn't know

(where you are)
celebrations by the river
he couldn't give her
any more than that

lunar shine, safety pins

safety pins

together they clung

together they hung
from a weathered 

piece of string

that stretched from 

the tree
 (a lowly branch)
to the high moon 

glinting silver 

a thin line of metal strewn 

upward to the heavens 

safety pins,
flimsy and closed

made up a labyrinth 

of lunar shine
on secret nights, the trail blinds
human eyes

dear madam

dear madam

I just want to say 

thank you for today

dear madam, 

I just want to say

that I understand the way 

you are, because I am 

exactly the same

we're both equally insane

so lets take the blame 

for each other 

lets continue to discover life

 through one another

-growth-

don't let it linger

to bear witness to that

middle finger 

you let it linger

in the air 

your middle finger

girl, try not to care

about him 

and his displaced hate

-eyes ablaze-

with words unspoken

with un-understanding

girl, upon his crash landing

he landed on earth 

not an earth 

you understand: 

to bear witness to

that middle finger

don't let it linger

lay down your weapons

and look instead to the sky 

to the changing clouds: clouds don't lie

your un-understanding 

your crash landing

up in flames

don't ask how

just let go 

boy, stop trying to blow 

things up 

things you don't understand 

just carry on living 

life the best way 

you can

the kite is alive

kite in the sky 

kite is alive

kite glides; as a sigh

escapes man's lips 

as man watches kite dance

as man watches kite prance

around with the travelling clouds

gleeful, a bit free 

yet kite wanted to be
wholly 

untethered

kite wanted to cut off 

kite wanted to get higher

to touch the highest span

to not be earth bound

kite formulated a plan

kite conspired with wind

and with winds help kite broke free 

and tugged himself away 

from the grasp of a man

man watched in a trance

as kite escaped, his glance
did not waver and kite did not slow 

a gust of wind did blow 

kite higher and higher

kite soared 

and from above
kite watched the world

catch fire
and burn and burn and burn 

kite mingled with the ashes

kite yearned for lightning flashes 

and red hide,
they appeared and then kite did fly 

away as the end of the world approached

and encroached,
upon the sleepy life of man.

space invaders and a man in waders

arrows

jolene>

< the rest of the world

he tarried at neither 

he just kept walking onwards 

pass the space invaders
pass a man in waders

the disarming missiles

lizards too 

and coloured rubbish strewn 

all over 

along with burnt flags

flowers and shells 

the ones you'd find by the sea

the scrap by the houseboats

to up sticks, to float 

away on any given day

across the english channel 

to be able to channel it 

everything into moving 

across the ocean

and that being it

the entirety

no beginning, no end 

just the middle 

just the sea

the church bells rung before he 

could finish formulating 

a thought, from across the river

the mudflats/ the birds flew

the gnats bred, after they led

that one day life

another string of words

try to understand

arrows

jolene>

< the rest of the world

what she said...

I remember

when I spoke to her 

she said

she was no longer feeling inspired

she said
she was feeling deeply tired

and bored

she told me she was saving up

she was waiting 

till she could afford 

a sail boat 

so she could sail away 

till then, till that day
she said 

I've got to stay afloat

she said don't gloat 

just keep walking

Sy, just keep walking

white petal

a way to recovery 

(discovery) 

cover thee

wrap her up 

in a giant white petal 

push her down a hill 

for she'll never settle 

she'll keep tumbling down till

the wind stops

and the earth stands still 

and the petal unravels

inside you'll find 

a corpse that's travelled 

down every hill 

for it takes no skill 

to move with the wind

it just takes belief

without

creeping through veins 

pressing against this skull

making increasingly hard
for her to mull

it over, for over and over

it over(comes) it overtakes 

it makes 

living near impossible, 

ripped hands

torn all the way through 

feet on fire, teeth clenching wire

electrocuted jaw

this soul, it isn't for 

hire

who let you in? 

who opened the door? 

no, it's not okay

for you to be there

from the corner of this minds eye

I can feel you stare

and I swear 

you got me 

running on empty 

you're running 

me into the ground

for now, through some kindness

I've found 

a way to share this soul 

though your tearing it apart

you're tearing holes

in every inch 

(to be without)

I've forgotten how to be

without

a dream that won't go away

-it's happening- 

nine to five  

.....it's starting to take over.....
.......this one precious life....... 

still I strive

to do my best 

still I invest 

 my everything

into making it work

into making (everything) work 

for if it does 

if I make it through 

in a couple of years

my dreams might actually come true

I might find myself back there
back where
life made no sense

-Lahore-

I'll remember then 

what all this hard work was for

for now, for them, for this

for that, for the future

for fewer
long shots 

for greener
outcrops
-for beautiful souls-

for those children who stole

and possess
my heart

underground soul

underground soul

d'you get what I'm saying

underground soul 

d'you get what I'm conveying

let me break it down for you 

-the camaraderie-
of the dusty tube

workers

in the early hours of the morning
they gather together in a group

to share ghost stories
on kennington loop

(un)loopy they move in troops
-unassuming-

one after another, he trails behind
he walks the tracks, he tries to find
the morning
in the morning

he repeats over the tannoy 

mind the gap, mind the gap,

mind the GAP(S)
gaps in the mind
gaps you'll find
(gaping)
gaps making
THE LEAP
impossible
(code language) 

speaking in tongues

here it comes!!! 

here they come: the ghosts of the past 

ever last, they'll never last 

forever: they're braver together

underground soul

growing old 

(we all are)

d'you get me? forget me
don't let me
walk the tracks at night

daughters of hawa

Small world 

you said 

just yesterday 

it will be yesterday

when all remaining hours 

fall away 

(you) another person

I met on my way

by chance (it's doesn't exist)

(you) another person
-who took that risk-

who met my guides

they guided you too

(or maybe you/
guided them)
-heaven/sent-

J.K and H.K
(heaven sent them)

overlapping narratives

scattered/ in disarray

dissected laughter

the forces at play

-impenetrable-

again, maybe it's just the circles 

I travel in: they all intersect

they still all reflect each other

(un-strange)
for at the end of eternity 

we all share one mother

Hawa

sisters; we are.
sisters; it's all we are.

no more poems please

no more poems please

please leave them out

leave out those words 

those squiggly letters 

return instead to the state

of the unlettered

for it's far better,

 to be- 

unfettered and free;

like the human beings

of olde, 

for they would roam 

this earth; from birth, 

all the way through to death 

from the very first to the very last breathe

they would breathe, 

yes breathe, not write

they would not scribe 

and cement their troubles and thoughts
they never saught
meaning in tiny etched shapes

for I think perhaps, they had 

no words, 

no words to write out sorrows

no verbs to carve out
a string of tomorrows
-the future-

for them I think perhaps, 

was less than vague (un-fake)

to be un-plagued, 

by the quiet sadness 

that would follow

ghost words

ghost sadness, 

sad gladness
most fractious

re-living, re-writing

re-lighting old fires

adding fuel
to burning tyres, 

fuel for thought:

lead in a pencil

spraying paint
onto that same old stencil 

words upon words upon words
graffiti walls surround all

wrapped in foil

-there-

buried deep in African soil

wrapped tightly in a sheet 

of iridescent foil 

my heart (rests)

not so lucid?

the lucidity

the exclusivity

of these identities 

we put on

of these identities 

we put up with
be (without being)
see (without seeing)
-for the real,
is wholly revealing-
(everything you are)

earth lag

earth lag

kind of like jet lag

but worse, for the earth 

spins faster 

than the jet flits, 

to take off, to propel, to lift

half

the time it takes for swift
light to break through 

the clouds 

the crowds forever in motion 

-be still-

an illusion

an intrusion: of otherness

for to move

is to be be moving with 

the earth 

earth lag

kind of like jet lag
one
cannot remain stag(nant)

missed connections

missed connections. missed connections 

missed connections

i cannot say enough about them

i cannot give them enough words

....this isn't a poem 

it's only an affirmation

of some kind....

missed connections. missed connections 

missed connections 

all those life-changing (in)actions

that could have been

that never were

because they went unseen 

missed connections. missed connections

missed connections

our tooting childhood

-our tooting childhood-

yo-yos, pogs

pokemon cards

poking at frogs

watered down

robinsons dilute

orange juice

building model rafts 

arts and crafts

collecting ladybirds in a jar

memory lane

collecting snails in the rain

peeling them off

one by one by one

those snails in the rain

making daisy chains

in the field, under the blue sky

with friends, 

ahhh to be that age again

the age when

collecting bugs in a jar

made you so happy 

and so did most other things

clouds and cartoons

coloured sugar straws

and water balloons

good time aqua fights, 

in the summer

and sparklers 

on cold autumn nights 

-the smell of fire remains-

and the wonder and the awe

of those bright Christmas lights 

that would pour their magical shine

all around the streets: certain sublime

a string of colourful cards, 

from everyone in your year

friendship bracelets too 

-our tooting childhood-

-that beautiful year: wish I was there-

now