Thursday, 30 May 2013

murky sky/ murky soul

Here I am again, 
going round the bend
your bend 
and the other one too
Here I am again, 
still feeling as though 
life is wholly untrue
like she asked me to contact him 
to ask to be trained, 
we talked about charity 
our plans were the same
mine and his 
all that time ago, 
life is so (and so and so)
maybe's it's a game 
I feel like I'm going insane 
again and I can only blame
myself. too many abrupt changes
too many absent exchanges
and I can't account for them
the ones that took place
sometimes I just try to think 
I try to make sense of it all
but I can't, 
and I go off on a silent rant
ranting, ranting, ranting
I relayed to her all my reasons
present reasons, not past
all real, except I left one out
the one that outlasts (the entirety)
the only one that matters
the only one that's scattered
me, into a million little pieces
-I have died, a hundred times-
though I realise 
until it goes away 
my life will periodically go astray
-spiritual malaise?-
who knows, who knows, who knows 
who understands,
just You. 
-dreaming still: to be without-