airport conveyor belt

hmm sort of like, 

a dusty record

 hidden inside 

an old suitcase 

in an attic

it plays on automatic

 the paradisaical song

but to find it in a throng

-the right suit case-

amongst a hundred thousand others 

say..... on a conveyor belt at the airport

which one will it be?

see I know, I got these words inside of me 

yeah, hidden somewhere inside 

words; unblemished words
the words man, I'd really like to write

but they're buried so deep 

hmm one day, maybe they'll

leap 

right up and escape 

me, one day 

maybe I'll make 

the right choice, 

maybe I'll find my voice

as a being born on earth

(this earth, not earth two)

but still, I can't help feeling that

there's something missing 

something important 

something mind blowing 

some kind of knowing, 

some kind of knowing

not of this world 

to be able to find out what it is

to pick up the right suitcase

(no longer in the attic)

before it disappears again, 

the conveyor belt, it never waits

for certainty

salt -ink- swahili

a poem written in Swahili

a poem written for the steely 

willed, written using an ink-filled, 

parker pen, 

no sooner; the poem went 

awry, for it was by

the salt lakes of Bolivia

that the saline rain

began to fall and 

the scribbles began to blur

it was by the lakes of Bolivia

that the sum-seer/ the lone believer

wrote down a poem in Swahili

against the sunset sky

 a million shades of pinks

by the edge of the lake, 

wholly on the brink

a beam of gold, the seer untold 

the story of all history

the scribbles blurred

and the story remains a mystery, 

ink and salt in Swahili
to be (there now)

stockholm

she's gone again 

she's gone home
to sweden
to stockholm

to her very own eden

she's gone again

gone again, gone home
gone it alone
to sweden

she sought freedom

from london

so she went back home
to stockholm
to sweden
to her very own eden

se dig igen någon dag

-i doubt it-

fierce, yeah?

fierce yeah 

she knows you are

why the need, to go so far

in trying to prove a point

there was no need to annoint

to sanctify, to make clear

she already know's 

that you're fierce, yeah

and now, just what 

are you tryna prove

by acting so aloof

of course you care

you ain't that fierce yeah?

from your lalli balli sister

happy girl, 

that you exist, 

no matter what

you never fail to persist

in your efforts
to keep me going

whenever I start slowing 

you remind me of who I can be 

girl, you make me see,
when I can't

and you let me be
 when I can't 

and when I can't talk

when it gets too much

you know exactly
when to back off, 

girl, you're the only reason

I 've stayed so long

you make me feel
as though I belong

you make me feel
so very strong

and girl I love
that you don't know Sy

you just know me,
the real me, no lie

girl, I'm so happy 

to have met you 

you're more than a friend

you're like a sister to me 

more than a sister still

I wonder will

our friendship last. See girl, I can't 

ask, I can't imagine us parting ways

not you and I,
girl, thank you for your grace
thank you for making my days
-lighter-

closure

Closure, 

it's never over, 

for I just close the 

door 

-I never say goodbye-

never say goodbye

stop tryna get me 

just let me
be
or better yet, 

just forget
that I ever existed,
look I'm sorry 

but I still just want to be free
-alone/ without you-

oh I wish I said goodbye then,
maybe if I did, 

I could let go now

why can't I let it go? 

same story 

over and over and over

same mistake

wish I could give myself 

a goddamn break!

Closure, 

it's never over, 

for I just close the 

door, 

I never say goodbye.  

londoner

you know you're a londoner

when you sleep on the tube

when you never intrude

when you try not to be rude
-and stare?-
and when you bump into
people you know
everywhere you go,
in Trafalgar square

in Westminter,

that old friend/ that wise minister

(you never saw me)

but you gave me a hug

you know you're a Londoner

when you never lug

around anything, no bag

just an oyster and some loose change

in your pocket

-or, maybe not-
(what do I know)

goodbye stranger

so I been thinking

maybe its about time 

we say our goodbyes

but listen, before we do 

lemme just look into your eyes

 i gotta figure it out

here and now:
I gotta figure it out

the secret
the one I don't know 

the one you almost let show
the one you wont share 

just lemme try to understand 

why I began to care

what it is about you 

that makes me want to 

be different

better, somehow anew

before we say our last goodbyes

lemme just look into your eyes 

and figure it out

lemme just figure out

 what your about

what I'm about 

swear down, I won't shout it out

I wont tell nobody the secret 

whatever it is, 

maybe it doesn't exist.... 

-does it exist?-

settled for-never

unsettled 

the sun settled 

and yeah I don't know why 

I can't get out of this 

I don't know why I wish
nothing existed

maybe I missed it

-the thing I needed to not miss-

and now I run the risk

of missing everything 

else, I already am, 

sleepwalking 

I don't see them, they don't see me

already, I'm wearing my invisibility

cloak, just wish I could soak 

in real life, wish I could absorb

-real life-

the computer screen

it's not it

that unearthly gleam

it's not it

the crowds I pass by 

not it

-a thousand sighs-

am I getting closer?

the hundred hello's I forgot to say

not it

not blanking you that day

it's not it

real life
I wish I could absorb /-it-

I'm sorry, not really, but I am 

for not trying at all, 

for ignoring you each and every day

for never looking into your eyes

for never having the guts to say

-hello-

but hello, it doesn't really mean

anything, so I'll just continue 

to be invisible, for I don't really exist. 

REAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYY

-hell, what does that even mean-

jugular vein

You, Lord,  

closer to me, than my jugular vein

please don't let it all be in vain

this/ that/ life/ death
the unceasing. the neverending

-pain-/ please Lord wash away the stain

etched upon my soul, 

please Lord, remove this heaviness
gimme the strength
to reach my end goal

please Lord, don't let it be in vain

oh Lord, please don't let me remain

in this state

of 

-heedlessness-

I want to understand again

I want to understand

too blue

the too blue sky

my beat up leather jacker

leave out the bracket(s)

to kick up a fuss

instead 

to just lie on green grass

on a perfect summers eve

to not wanta leave 

all those wasted hours 

staring at a screen 

unnnatural 

I miss the unseen

the al ghaib, the too blue sky

i never wanta die

but you know, 

I hate that I seem that way
when really I'm just sick
and yeah I'm just about

ready to ditch, again.

cinema fugitive

nah, she didn't 

she didn't tell her ma 

instead she hid out
in the cinema

the local odeon

she pretended to be 

a custodian 

donned a pair of overalls 

and a broom

'I'll go back soon

she often thought, over her head
a dark cloud loomed 

and soon became later

and later became the future

and the future
is still in a little while 

so she skulked off

to the theatre, couldn't bear the
thought of being found 

without a sound, she sunk into a seat 

her seat, in the back row 

she'd watch show after show

she'd sit through the trailers

mull over her failures 

she lived on stale nacho's 

and pic n mix, jalepenos and 

an assortment of dips

I'll go home soon, I'll fix
everything, though I'm so alone

though there's no room left for me
though there's no way
the future came and went

-she's still there-

odeon custodian

(overalls an' all)

idle/ lunar

they say that when your idle 

that's when them suicidal 

thoughts, come crashing 

like tidal waves, lashing 

thrAsHinG

to and fro, the moon, 

pulls them in, the waves

they form their own shapes, 

all dark, all obscure

how to cure, the sick sea

the sick you, the sick me

-completely-

how to expel those shapes

those shapes that take, 

you to that dark place

-outer space-

it's never dark 

in outer space

what a waste (of light)

yes, the moon it pulls them in 

waves and thoughts, 

and slowly you begin 

to sink, lunatic 

moon, mourning lunar

no sooner, they leave you 

the waves/ the shapes/ 

the thoughts: (abruptly)

 what saves you then?

in a darkened room

with the lunatic moon, 

watching over you, mourning lunar

(even sooner) 

maybe that would explain
the nights, 

the pain
that claims the rights 

over your soul; behold

-how to be bold- 

when you feel so tired

when you see so old

-to fold up eternity-
(to put it to rest/ foreverevereverever-)

dil nay lagda, is dunya mein

Her reply came 

seconds too late

'ami, mera dil nay lagda 

is dunya mein'

tears formed behind her eyes

kyoo, sweet child? 

what do you have to fear 

I am near, mere beti, I am near, 

'ami, mera dil nay lagda

mein kya karoon?'

dil kyoo nay lagda

...jab mein paas hoon...
I am near

float on

float on, float on, float on

gone and gone and gone 

float on, float on, float on

gone and gone and gone 

long gone, long gone, long gone

float on and on and on and on

and on and on and on and on

one day you'll be 

gone and gone and gone

so just 

float on, float on, float on

on and on and on and on and on
-gone-

-collecting-

let me just take the time, 

to collect my thoughts, to remind 

myself- of where I am 

of where I need to be 

let me just take the time 

to count the reasons why I should leave

leave to go where? 

...don't really know, don't really care, 

just need to formulate a new plan, 

i need to be near, to where

i was but before, perhaps here, 

but still- somewhere

else. allow it. allow me, yeah.

blad, trust me

yo blad 

you're mad

if you fink 

they care 

i swear

they don't 

it's a game 

blad

you'll gain

nuffink 

from playin' it

so just step

i'll be here

for you

i've yet 

to let 

you down 

-so trust me-

to an old friend

i miss you, chris 

it's true: though I know

I have no right to miss you

because it's my fault 

we're no longer friends

how can i make amends

-when so much time has passed-

miss vervain, i miss you 

though I have no right to 

I miss our magical walks

I miss your inspiring talks 

i miss your spirit

your magic, your tragic 

greek tales, 

those stories of el salvedor

miss vervain, you know I adore

you and your stories

your strange and beautiful tales
you'd never fail
to make me feel something

'what an unlikely pair we are!'

you'd sometimes say 

and I would think it too

me: a young misfit girl 

you: an ageing mystic artist

a silver haired woman of knowledge

so out of this world

i miss you chris

though I have absolutely 

no right to miss you 

I mean I could always just write you

why is it so hard for me 

to try to reconnect
to you and to all the others too

the friends I left behind

that winter I lost my mind. 

...I don't know....

I miss you, Chris 

I hope you're reading this

(though I know you aren't)

legend!

the sky's the limit 

don't them tell you 

any different 

figure it out, go the 

distance, the sky's the limit

-there isn't one-

and you can do it, 

anything. don't let them 

tell you any different 

the road isn't straight

there's no 'one way'

there are many through ways

to get to where you need to be
you got to think a little differently

have a vision / have a million 

chase them all 

yeah you'll trip 

you'll fall 

a billion zillion times

but the sky's the limit 

don't let them delimit you 

the falls 

you can do anything, 

those walls

are imaginary

they're all in you head

you're gonna be legendary 

and even if you're not
-no matter/ for soon you'll be dead-

to capture

to capture 

the sheer rapture 

of something beautiful

a thousand pictures

it's good to be 

picturing again

though it's good to be
without when 

picturing 

-becomes oppressive-
camera, mate

how many something beautifuls

you missed out on

-absent flashes-

those images belong to me:

imprinted in my minds eye

sometimes I see

-something beautiful-

blazin' up

bengali boys

blazin' up 

by the waters edge 

how many?

oh we lost count

doesn't quite amount

to much

the waters edge 

the sunset sky 

blazin' up 

gettin' high

seems to be 

the only thing 

some boys be doin'

these days

duck quacks 

'change yer ways'

the lawn and paint

and on an off-day

to mow the lawn 

to write up a storm

hmm I think I've drawn 

a blank again 

maybe it was those fences

that we painted

behind the shed

before tea, 

before we led

a commune, (of sorts) 

wait, wait...

was it candlelight

at midnight

...fading still...

mowing the lawn

writing up a storm

painting the fence

past or present tense?

-don't know really-

shivering sands

shivering sands

rusting army fort

beyond the wind farms 

all aboard

this ship

or if you'd rather take a dip, 

be warned, that's 9 miles

of swimming, 

-skimming-

but you might 

make it

elastoplast

a million things 

to be grateful for 

but are we ever really

are we ever really

really really

-grateful? or do we just 

dwell in our disasters?

like elastoplast plasters 

gratitude

it covers wounds

protects and heals
it seals and conceals
-imperfections-
but are we ever really really 

grateful, sincerely, 

-sheer gratitude-

(is the answer)

mics and saleros

hipsters on bikes 

beatboxes 

mash-up mics

never-ending

-re-e-wind-

and them dreadlocks 

and them neon socks 

and them whisteblowers

blowing blowing blowing

and there we go 

eating our salero's 

on the grass 

on a summers evening

-the gang reunited-

this is how it goes

kind of like de ja vu though

earlier on 

pink ice-cream 

outside the museum 

-kind of an obscure dream-

but beautiful, nonetheless
I guess
...this is how it goes...

this human nature

always reaching out/ always backing away

least I got riggy

have you always been this way

so cold/ so cut off?

yes i have 

and

i don't mind any more

I don't look for 

-acceptance-

not yours, or anyone else's

see now, 

I'm okay with me 

however crazy/ however unwell
I may be

-at least I got riggy-

yeah, least I got riggy

excuse me gentlemen

excuse me gentlemen 

she said to the
trio of fat uncles

 blocking the way

excuse me gentlemen
-yo, move yourselves!!!-
they be congregatin' every day,
in da same place
dailyfresh,
you get more than just veg
(elbows and shoves) 

murky sky/ murky soul

Here I am again, 

Waterloo

going round the bend

your bend 

and the other one too

Here I am again, 

Waterloo

still feeling as though 

life is wholly untrue

like she asked me to contact him 

to ask to be trained, 

we talked about charity 

our plans were the same

mine and his 

all that time ago, 

life is so (and so and so)

incomprehensible

maybe's it's a game 

I feel like I'm going insane 

again and I can only blame

myself. too many abrupt changes

too many absent exchanges

and I can't account for them

the ones that took place

sometimes I just try to think 

I try to make sense of it all

but I can't, 

and I go off on a silent rant

ranting, ranting, ranting

boo-hoo-hoooooo

Waterlooooooo, 

I relayed to her all my reasons

present reasons, not past

all real, except I left one out

the one that outlasts (the entirety)

the only one that matters

the only one that's scattered

me, into a million little pieces

-I have died, a hundred times-
though I realise 

until it goes away 

my life will periodically go astray

-spiritual malaise?-

who knows, who knows, who knows 

who understands,

just You. 

-dreaming still: to be without-