little girl

half asleep

little girl you said you loved me
little girl you said you rushed to see
if I had arrived
(I'm a million miles away still
against my will; it amounted to nil)
-everything-

little girl you said I'd forgotten you

little girl if only you knew

-how little I've forgotten-

little girl I regret

that you've yet to let
me dissappear, and fade from your
little memory
when will she/ forget
that I exist in the world

little girl I love you too, forever
-of course I do-
I miss you

-I miss my life/  which life-
I'm not so sure any more

(thought) train

..............do dooo do ba baaaa ba...................

why am I feeling so completely blah?

...........I should have taken the car

but then I'd have to find parking................

...........that's it, when I get in I'm marking 

all my cups and plates, I hate

using others, I feel so smothered!

................why she's covered? poor girl, I discovered
the secret to the universe
now I need to unearth
-the treasure-/ what a pleasure,
to be announced winner..................

I wonder what marlene's cooking for dinner

....................ugh could she be any thinner

I hate work, I hate work, I hate work

lady I'ma go berserk

if you don't back off

for goddsake why don't people wash!?

who does she think she is, that posh

cow, wow..... I really hate silence

why's my nan so violent.................

I hope she won't beat me up when I get home

I'll call him, I don't wanta be alone

.................gosh she was completely thrown
when I told her, she missed her train....
I wonder is he single, I must refrain
from looking at him... I must look down at my shoes
you call this news! metro crap
aaaahh shoot, I forgot to print off a map....
...I wander what she's thinking,
......all just caught in one massive trap.........
time for a nap, time for a nap, time for a nap

a dream

man, I dunno

I feel like I been 

living in a dream

my whole entire life

:::::>:>:>:>00~~

this dream/
                                               I can't seem to shake

this dream/
            I can't seem to make

:::::>:>:>:>00~~

sense of

a bit of sixteen

I was going through 

a 'range of strange pain'

and man it was proper insane

my journal at sixteen

I can't believe it was really me

who wrote it 

'my most prized possession forever'

I took it wherever

I went and stored in it

dreams, ideas, lyrics

cut outs and pictures and tickets

sixteen, man what a trippy dream

shovel man, pink hair, 

stolen rock on Brighton pier

J Littlewood, Greta Garbo

Ed Fargo, Edvard Munch

a whole bunch 

of other crazy stuff

like random korean drama's 

man karma's

a glitch, Carmen and I

we hit, the karaoke place

with those Japanese bleach heads

instead

of doing normal

-yeah, folks always said we was 

more than a little abnormal-

cos we wanted to go lahore

remember T, 

you and I: and that cube of ice: 

methanol in glass/ missing science class

man, sixteen was kind of a blast

in parts, 

bruk up TV's

exploring bruk up parts of the city

walking walking walking

in da park after dark

-ten thousand pages in that journal-

...it was a journey more external...
 -than internal-

laughs by the lake

sitting by the lake

with you, 

a comedian

girl, you could be 

a comedian

or an adventure novelist

a story teller

or a computer scientist

girl, you could be 

anything

but a comedian

you already are

no one makes me laugh

quite like you, you're already a star

maybe I should also read 

Naruto

sitting by the lake

watching characters pass by

listening to each other try

to make sense

you could be a comedian

you could be a comedian

you already are
-a star-

perfect evening

magical evenings

kind of the ones I live for

spontaneous encounters, 

with the kind of folk I truly adore

and if I never saw

it, we wouldn't have made it

mate it, 

was so much more than beautiful

and of course, it makes sense
you're part of this soul- it's true

in a few shared hours,
my love for you grew

ten fold, because

you understand what it means

-to live-

to give

-everything-

to lose it 

love, 

 the hourglass was turned over

and we never wasted a minute

(I never wasted a minute)

-all those encounters-

with all those souls

with planes to catch 

to Brooklyn, to Busan, to Berlin

sterling/ friendships, 

stirring/ emotions

that never go away

like that winter sunset, from above,

with the frizzy haired anarchist

-it's kind of a strange bliss- 

talking about all sorts of crazy stuff

all sorts of philosophy

epiphanies, that useless wasp

life, finding it, spirituality and

every beautiful crazy wonderful 

thing in the world

a spontaneous encounter

we met at st pauls 

and crossed the bridge 

and settled on the secret steps

by the shore

legs stretched, backs against the wall

looking at the water, 

trying to remember how to be whole

-and we were here, this very same place
 just a few days ago-
(changes, nothing stays the same/ the river it flows)
and finally it goes (into the sea/ and one day we'll see...)

-everything makes sense-

and so we shared

strawberries and monster munch

and skips and chewitts 

and we spoke about everything 

I ever wanted to speak about

I felt like I was talking to myself

you were me, you were me

I never wanted to part

and I wanted us to never leave

-there/ those secret steps-

the sunset by the shore

speaking and laughing and connecting

I adore

life, when it's like this

hours and hours
pass us by

here for a brief while, can it turn into eternity

for certainly, 

I'm so tired of sharing brief beautiful moments

with brief beautiful souls

-you're going back-

I'm right behind you, 

just give me a while still

to find it

the colours of the sky

pink and blue and yellow

-the breeze/ the buskers/ the music-

the man weight lifting with a big rock

while his dog 

watches on, 

the lights that came to life

and so we walked down

by the shore

we wandered in by the waves, the sky darkening

a million and one colours reflected

-free-

we sung like maniacs

who'd known each other since birth

TURN AROUND

every now and then I get a little bit lonely

and you're never coming round

TURN AROUND

~ every now and then ~

I FALL APART

(let's start, again in Rome)

(impending departure, let it not be)

and in an other time

-why did we never spend time
in another time, when we had the time-

timing, timing, timing

it's always wrong

so let's just continue singing
this sad and beautiful song
-TURN AROUND-

and even though we just met 

after so many years

I don't want to say goodbye

-TURN AROUND-

girl, I told you my plan

I told you one month

to get it back, or risk losing out on eternity

you said I was speaking
everything that was inside you

God brought us to each other
He brought us here

when we were both losing touch
I swear
I needed you to tell 

me something

I needed to tell you something

back

-and so we shared-

artist friends

I love having artist friends

who inspire

who instil within me the desire

to look and look and look again

but now I don't want to say goodbye

first on the list

a deep sad sigh escapes my lips

still, I'm glad I never missed

-this opportunity-

fossil toad

fossilised toad

found under an apple tree

an apple crushed you
 made it hard for you to breathe
-you died-

and now the flies
 enjoy your corpse

fossilised toad
you were the victim of a heavy load
a sick apple
-be tranquil-
/in death/

plot

building stuff up

................#*&~::@:L................

for the past eight years

each and every screw up

each and every time I get near

I end up further away 

and I swear

I gotta come to terms with it

everything I been through 

everything I come through

                        everything I thought I knew  

    /to be true/

I gotta come to terms with it: 

(a thing called loss)

I have to cross

I have to cross

I have to cross

the bridge

for I was

(not entirely absent)

.......@//??..''##~.........

yeah, time to get real, 

time to really figure out 

how to deal

how to prosper, 

see somewhere along the line 

I lost the

plot, and now I gotta get it back

.......#@###;;;;O.......

ramshackle plane

-true-

you'll need a plane to get there 

that remote village in Uzbekistan

you need to bring your own chair

they'll chain it up and everyone
will be happy and laughing

they'll share sweet delights

and there'll be chickens on the plane

it will be a flight

like no other

a big plane, a russian plane 

from the past, from the seventies 

and on it there will be creatures

and jars of ancient remedies

and vegetables and other random things

like strange eletronics and a santa doll that sings

and when the plane speeds up

the chairs will go back 

and you'll pray to not die

there's a plane that exists out there like this

no lie, no lie

and there's another too, in the far north

and the curtains in the room

they call an airport, brown like from the history books

and another place called Djibouti

-a plane- a world of its own

a man with a shield and an axe

it went flying, he was prone

to such outbursts

-funny world-/ ramshackle planes

(stranger than fiction)
stranger than strange

keep in touch yeah, bruv

in five years time

where will we be

perhaps we'll find ourselves

building sandcastles at lido beach

kicking back in the outback 

hmm five years from now

maybe we'll still we be right here

yeah at some random station at night

still bare tight

wolfing down chicken wings

and chatting about all sorts of tings

like jokes, like life
like ma perfect husband, like your beautiful wife

perhaps we'll just be here
yeah, just dossing about

after prayers in the mosque

both still pretty lost,
both still wondering where we'll be 

in five years time,
ah just being here, man it's a pretty fine 

way to waste the days, 

and bruv, I have to say 

this morning I woke up and it was so grey

outside and I was feeling so lost

I was thinking I need to get out at any cost

I was thinking I need to leave this place

but then she took me in

she told me about kindness

(these screens blind us)

from each other

and we boarded so many buses

but walking through the summers park

all that was within me, turning my insides dark

kind of just evaporated

and I was me again

so we asked ten thousand strangers for change

and it changed something inside me

all this charity- man, I have to say 

I really don't want you to go 

and if you do man, I really want you to know

I've got your back, 

hahaha, it was pretty whack 

there, then, now

you talking to me in urdu 

and me talking to you in Somali

could we somehow end up chilling out in Bali

some volcanic island, ahh geology boy

you know you're an absolute joy

to be around
-you best keep in touch yeah-

ramadan tent

da ramadan tent

bruv i musta spent

more time there

than I spent anywhere

dis ramadan

bruv dat feeling of calm

when da call to prayer

(I fink they call it da adhaan)

sounded, bruv it left

me more then confounded

i was wholly astounded 

by it all 

da coming together of different folk

no joke it was actually kind of beautiful, 

seeing them same volunteers daily

always so nice and so dutiful

yeah bruv, I was new to it all 

to dat kind of kindness, 

to dem kind of kind people 

-dey left me feelin, kinda peaceful-

yeah you know dey 

took it up and brought it down everyday

dat tent, it was kind of a blessed place to stay

to just be

not a bum, or some dumb 

homeless guy

rather I could just be me

yeah bruv dat tent

i swear it meant 

more to people like us 

than you could ever know 

and so and so and so

we wait yeah, till next year

when we got somewhere

to go again, to eat

to waste time 

and listen to dat sublime

call to prayer

dat adhaan

-yeah da sound of calm-

the curse

the curse of srdf

no sooner you came
you left

you said, we wouldn't

girl you said 

we'd keep in touch

with such

conviction

I almost believed you

now here we are

drifting apart

and I'm left

 wishing we could start

again

(from scratch)

two rivers in one day

two rivers in one day

six white butterflies

in the wind I watched them sway

from side to side 

up and down by the giant weed-trees 

beside the ugly coloured grafetti,

 over the plump blackberries

passing by the purple flowers

hovering over the bumble bees

the river brent, i went to vent

but instead nature healed

and if i weren't fasting I'd have peeled
the berries off and ate them 

instead I carried on, rambling

past a hundred beer cans

a thousand cigarette butts, 

bits of scrap metal, poo flies and a rat

a fat rat, 

allow that blad 

(so I returned to the brick and mortar shell)
(the corporate shiny hell)

and then some hours later

 we inspected the limestone at St Pauls

and crossed the silver bridge

and when we got there

the sun came out and it was beautiful 

so we sat on the stone, by the river beach 

watching the water and sometimes we'd speak

two rivers in one day

and now you've gone away

and now I don't know what to say

except I'ma miss you
-rivers, flow-

shark

dead shark on a train

cigarette stuck between razor blade

teeth, multiple scars across his face

beside him, half a can of redbull

man, that shark was so full 

of himself

his fish friends said

we always knew he'd end up dead

on some beat up train

sharkie's only got himself to blame

lest he got what he wanted

-pomp and fame-

tooting girls

so good to see you tooting girls

after so long

i forgot how much fun we have

you know, you girls belong 

in tooting/ -tooting girls-
you can take the girl out of tooting
but you can't take tooting out of the girl
i'm routing
for your return

traveller

my name 

it means traveller 

I travel through 

dimensions 

and different times

and ever so slowly

they materialise

the signs

the secrets

a deep thirst

for God's love and grace

-will I always feel this displaced-

will I always remain a waste?

or will I one day find the courage

to face

my demons

and rise up

a deep thirst /quenched

fatuma

fatuma
if only I knew her
before, fatuma
she always manages to restore
my faith in people
with her understanding
fatuma,
I don't know anyone
more upstanding
more intelligent
more relevant
than you
fatuma
you've got bags of talent
you're such a balanced
girl,
god bless
fatuma,
if only I knew her
before,
she could have taught me so much more
than my teachers
with her kindness
her ability to create, write, to make
people happy
with her bright bright brightness
for her acceptance of folk
however flawed/ however doped
thank you fatuma
-for just being you-

fresh pair of eyes

yeah that's me

non-committal 

pretty fickle

pretty inconsistent

more than a little persistent

yeah that's me

not that bothered if we

part ways 

as long as I find a way to stay, 

connected to my God

(I wish)

stongehenge

remember when

we bunked off school 

and went to stonehenge

you and I

riggy we were so high

on life back then

remember when

we made friends with that priest

at salisbury cathedral, 

his name was rex

remember when we got 

proper vex

after, when we couldn't find the right bus

we was just a couple crazy kids

back then we'd kick up a fuss

over any little thing

riggy you and i

what happened to that spirit,
we once possessed
 how come it died?
how come we never tried
to get it back

where i could be

where I could be

hanging out at sydney harbour

writing a new book, being alone

forming colourful memories
inside a strangers home 

taking pictures, praying to the Everlasting
this is where I could be, so I keep asking

myself, what's keeping me here?
-what's keeping me here-

rest easier

yeah i gotta get this off my chest

so that I can rest, 

easier
I confess, I was not so pleased to see her

in my dream

yeah in my dream 

she made me green

with envy

but the funny thing is 

she couldn't even begin to see

just how special she was, 

for she was, so special

she was truly out of this world

a tree and kfc

we travelled to the woods

you watched as I climbed up a tree

the sun went down 

i wandered where the night would lead

of course we ended up having KFC

yeah we sat on a bench outside at twilight 

opened our fasts with a burger and some fries

I know how much you despise fries

nutrition girl, but you took me there

cos you're the best and cos well

you're my best friend in the whole world

and you'd do anything to make me happy 

and I'd do the same, it's true,

and when you told me that you knew

girl I believed you, love- keep me in your sight

cos these days nothing feels right

these day's I feel proper like

-lost-

science museum

funnier than the funniest

joke, I broke

my own record

for funny,

so how-come-she

didn't laugh

i know she thinks 

i'm proper daft

and I am and I don't really know

whether it's for novelty or show

or just cos I got nowhere else to go

yeah I applied for a couple jobs

at the science museum

and I was thinking

it would be pretty funny 

if I went back to south ken

maybe I could try again 

some place the same

but different

-man, I got issues-

sy, try: harder

the secret life of sy

sometimes I try 

so hard to be anonymous 

but anonymity, isn't synonymous

with the inability
to face who you really are,

I left my mind ajar

and my thoughts we so loud 

I couldn't hear my mouth 

-I'm still living on a distant cloud-

now I don't care about anonymous

no more, from the surface to the core
I am sy and I...
want to possess grace

I'm so amazed. I'm more than fazed;

that you found me 

-but now what?-

python

did you hear about the python
that fell into a hole

in a pet shop, 

that python was on parole
but he didn't want to fall into a hole
(it just happened)
he landed on the floor, 

spooked

he hadn't a chance to regroup

he just clung to them

onto the necks of two small human people

two boys, strangling

and quietly it slipped away, 

-the future and they died-

the two young brothers, sons

of the pet shop owners best mate, 

life can take

-everything away-

in the mere blink of an eye

-rest in peace-

here and now

still no closer to where I want to be

still I remain afflicted 

by this otherworldly disease

still so far from being at ease

so I should just leave

right? I should just go to Australia 

like I planned to 

before I randomly landed this new

job, 

ahhh my heart and head throb

with all this change

with all this spinning/
I'm still thinking of binning

it, -everything I worked for-

and yet I continue to pour 

out all all my mixed up thoughts

and so I told Sussex, I'm not coming

to write, to wander, 

to accrue sucess, and another blunder

yeah now, I can't afford to do either

but still I need a breather

still I need to leave

everlasting/ ramadan

ramadan I missed you

I was missing throughout 

ramadan, I kind of just went about

my empty empty business

ramadan, you came and left

and you left me here, completely bereft

of any goodness, 

despite the charity, I acquired no clarity

ramadan you passed me by

and I did try, to feel something

I did, but I didn't, feel anything

ramadan, I had so much riding on you

I know it's my fault, I blew

thirty chances, I wasted time

-if I had a dime, for every wasted chance-

I'd be rich, ramadan, I didn't stitch 

up a single wound

I just wasted time

feeling sorry for myself 

seeking solace in my pain

so out of this world still

I have nothing left to gain

-fasting, everlasting- 

trials, that won't go away

-what now, what now, what now-

strange(r)

quit tryna to get me 

and just let me live man, 

I got a lot to give, I can 

show you my world 

as long as you don't 

try to change mine
as long as you don't
try to change me in time
yeah don't try to change me 

cos I kind of like to be
-a strange(r)-

embassy

the embassy

in the end you'll see

it was worth it