Wednesday, 13 February 2013

talking to myself (in rhymes)

be open 
be kind
leave the past behind-
it finally came to me
i'm going back to plan one
i'm going to stop being 
a troubled bum
i'm going to give up these
selfish ideas of being
else I'm going to save up
and learn how I can make it up
to earth's forgotten children
the goal- thirty grand
buy that land 
on indian soil
and my soul
exhales. Till I get there
I'll earn, I'll work, I'll write
but on my own terms
in my own way, 
I'll take photographs
some day when I feel like it
i'll find a way 
to say
what I need to say
I'll focus on the end
it will be for you
I'll regain my purpose too
it will be for You
I'll stop being self indulgent
and peacefully endure the pain
and remain
patient, silent, smile
on the way never stop smiling
and on my journey
i'll discover
and try to figure
out how it's going to happen
how I'm going to make this dream
a reality
I've got a reason to live
I've got so many reasons
but they change
and change again
but now 
right now i'm on track
i've got it back
clarity, mad clarity
it just came to me
the disparity
between what I wanted to happen
and what actually happened
it's not so great
fate, you're funny
you really are
and hell you've got answers 
to questions
heaven never dares to ask
i know i've unlocked a secret
to myself
see I was reading my book 
on the tube today 
after six months
I was reading the book I wrote
and it came to me 
mad clarity
I think I can finally die happy
I've learnt so many of life's secrets
 from the inside out
and the outside in
It was an epiphany 
a sign 
after all this time-
after a long dry season 
these cycles; 
it's the in-between that matters
I'm not in the same place
there and here
a million moments in-between 
time elapsed 
perhaps, I know what I've got to do 
I know it's not so simple
there is a fine line
between knowledge and belief
fear and relief
and it's not what happens
its how you make sense of it 
the pieces fit
this vicious cycle esists
to be broken
so you're 
stuck in a time loop
stuck in the same day 
you have to pick the right way
this time
time time time
it doesn't exist
if it does
it isn't linear  
I want to shout out from rooftops
I figured it out 
somehow I understand now
Pain is not random
its written in tandem
to teach 
to re-teach 
to protect and don't expect it to be the same
the pain, don't expect it to be easier 
but now you've grown 
and you've got the tools
to better deal with it
soldier on like you did before
this is what existence
has taught you
this is what life is about
to be strong 
its okay to be wrong 
just move on and don't torture yourself 
with the question
with why
it couldn't be prevented 
its defending you 
trying to help you through   
your brief sojourn into madness 
you were about to make some dire mistakes
maybe you would have compromised your faith?
Maybe you wouldn't have come away unscathed
this saved
there truly is beauty in destruction 
now carefully follow the instructions
to recovery
stick to it 
dust yourself you
endure with patience 
stay strong
remain grounded
and whatever happens