I got it so wrong,
I can't believe it's taken me this long
to realize it.
There's a reason why I
failed
to make it
to the black mountains
of Wales
to live
a natural life-
to be precise
to find freedom in solitude,
to find union in servitude.
There's a reason why
every door has
slammed shut
in my face
There's a reason why
my fall from grace
has been anything
but graceful.
See, I've always been hasteful.
Perhaps I've never truly been
grateful.
There's a reason why
I didn't get that job
in Midhurst
my thirst
to leave the city
grew, this much is true
But I realize now
it's not the city
I needed to escape
somehow-
it was the grief
the sorrow
the promise of
tomorrow-
of pastures green
of going unseen
of being
simple 'being'
There's a reason why
I remain in the city
I just don't know what
that reason is yet.
I wanted to forget
that's the real reason
I wanted to leave this
place, every trace
of here reminds me
of you.
Still I wonder
can this spirit inside grow?
I don't know,
I just know
sincerely-
I want to see clearly
Really-
I just want to be free.
But it would be easy
to 'be'
some place
where no one knows me
See here, I'm often
overcome by guilt
the guilt of staying away
the guilt of going for days
without seeing you.
-of letting you down
-of making you frown
because so often I bail
because so often I fail
to make it.
Maybe I can find a way
to be here,
Maybe I can pretend to be
somewhere
else. Right?
Can I delight
in home yet be afar
from everyone I know.
For here I am now
in no-mans land
trying to find my feet
and stand
on them firmly
yet
still I'm restless
still I'm reckless
still I'm feckless
I got it so wrong
I can't believe
it took me this long
to realize it-
?
