real friends

no phone, 

yet you find a way 

to stay 

connected to me

and I love you for that

for the fact

that you know

exactly where I am

-real friendship-

all news is bad news

the kind of news

that turns your insides black

will we one day look back 

and wonder 

whether the outcome

would have been any different

had we been any different

in five years time

when you're released into the world

where then, will we be

by then, will we finally see

things any differently

/////////the deepest sadness I (n)ever felt

at the harshest blow that was ever dealt
                                                                    yet- nothing

but a weighty guilt, none could ever get 

listen, I won't ever forget

                                                                     where you are-----  

for the last time, 

I'm sorry.                         

twenty days

It's a new dawn

its a new day, it's a new life

and I'm feeling good

so good, 

yeah I wish I could 

preserve this feeling of goodness

cos' goodness me, I never felt so free

its like every possibility

just appeared before this minds eye

it's like I just defied

all prophecies, calling for my end

and now I'ma send 

so many blessings

for less things
matter, than blessings-
accept perhaps possibilities
yeah possibilities

they appeared before this minds eye

to a live a life, 

free of expectation, 

of waiting, 

a life of just being,

not continually breaking 

just existing exactly where you are

nah I'm not that far

just twenty days and that's it

I'm good, I'm gone

I got a million plans

and they can't all go wrong

I'ma go to the coast

work any place on a casual basis

bum around england, 

yeah man, I'm gonna make it

write, connect, 

capture, reflect

save up some money

and then when the winter comes

I'm good, I'm gone

nah, this time it won't go wrong

inshaAllah

-twenty days-

much room, for a mushroom

not much room

for a mushroom

like you 

all yellow 

and deformed

looking all 

sad and forlorn

mushroom

against a backdrop

a forest tune

all pitter patter and bird song

mushroom, fungi

still going strong
take over the world
multiply
don't be shy
just do it fungi
just do it!

pearls and wild things

thousands of pictures

thousands of stories

thousands of insights

wild things, that maurice

sendak, never imagined

would come to life

just take a knife

and cut around them

for the most beautiful pearls
are often hidden
inside the hardest of shells

                               
                                             craccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkk
                                                                 //// -behold
iridescence. 

without

gave up          

              lost

phone

to be alone, to be alone

but now 

                                    home

seems further away

than ever before, 

and as much as I deplore

                          samsung e1080i              I want it back

for now I lack

 all love 

     all love                  is ab---------sent

                                it went

                                          unspent, 
unspoken
                                                for I lent

you more 

than just my words

said-less

those things never said

never processed

they never led

you anywhere

those things you never said

the things you did instead

of saying 

the things you never said

you distracted yourself, you read

hemmingway and travelogues

you skimmed through 

countless strangers' blogs

instead

you should have just said

those things you never said

perhaps those things would have led

you to unite 

with your former self

                                     --------------her

spirit

the grave 

cry, the spirit made

as it wandered woefully

on a lonely autumns day

in putney vale cemetery

                          when       will I be free
the spirit cried
take me away from here

the spirit cried
before it disappeared

behind a grave

                                                           grave stone,
                                                                                  faded bones

and flesh////
                                            (all gone)
we're going to die

heart

you caught me off guard

when you said my heart is hard

when your said my soul is scarred

when you said my thoughts are charred

yeah you caught me off guard

when you said I'm no longer here

yeah you caught me off guard

when you said I must take it everywhere
I go, this hard heart

you said I'd never truly start

over, without first 

purifying

-I'm trying...-/
                                to try
(for the voice within)/
makes it hard to deny
                                              // /sheer truth.

belief

to turn tragedies 

into tales

when will I cease to fail

at life, 

when will I let the strife

tranform me, 

into a decent god-fearing human being

for what I'm seeing---- 

now, is nothing

compared to what's to come

we are more than the sum

of our failures

(I have to believe this)

rough year

rough year

time to disappear

but what I truly fear

is that I'm too far gone to care

is that I'm too far gone

to turn back 

God, I miss You

phone-less

lost my phone

so I'm going it alone

for they said I could have it back

the hill keepers

but I don't want it back

I don't want to keep track
of anything or anyone
no I'd like to become
-invisible-

where to go, where not to go?

the blue mountains

are burning down

maybe it’s a sign

that I should skip sydney town,

and head back to Lahore

perhaps there, i’ll find what I'm looking for

perhaps then, I could put an end
to all this silly dreaming

you know I’ve been meaning,

to go back for so long,

the outback in Australia

maybe that’s not where I belong

this time round,

this time round, surely I’m bound

to be better

to do it differently

to not mess up my life again

for it already is

for I’ve already taken
pretty much every risk

that’s come my way 

time to take life seriously

time to put an end to this reckless play

just give me one more day
just give me one more day

keep pedallin'

life man, 

 it ain't about medals

gold stars or good grades

it's a well know fact

that every success fades

                        and in the end your just left        

                                                                    with you

                                     s'why it's so important
                                                                          to stay          true

to yourself,

nah, life, it ain't about medals

it's more about the pedals

it's about

going strong, going hard 

s'bout just going

just pedallin'
on

for yourself, yeah for you

you gotta just stay true,

forget the medals

focus instead, on the pedals

and just keep on pedallin'

just keep pedallin' man

-you're exactly where you're supposed to be-

she's good, she's gone

when she became good

i remember i could 

hardly talk to her

girl, 

                        you left me behind

in hopes you would find

clarity///////////

& you did

was I holding you back all along?

was I so wrong

in thinking, 

                           I was right....

pretend

we're fated to pretend

in the end

I'd like to think 

there won't be one

                                                      an      ending

the train window, an opening into the universe

corn fields

a shade of mustard

custard

yellow trees

a whole line of them

and flashes of bright green

underneath the big indigo skies

blending before twilight

& I------

sit there alone

                                                         wandering why
I never go home---------

midland magic

the giant white turbines

spinning

spinning

a hundred canal boats

water that carves through land

snaking, making

marks in the ground, reflecting pools

reflecting the shine
in your eyes, in the eyes

-of a  thousand past lives-

& a hundred caravans

& a hundred fluffy white sheep

in a fading darkness

unmistakable starkness
in a darkening fade-ness

none-the-less

-------realllllllllllllll so etherealllllll

a thousand and one 

lone train journeys

-a hundred and one sunsets

each like no other-

journeying, it sets the soul free------
    watching the skies bleed
                         quietude

keep spinnin'

collecting them 

like you're collecting pokemons

she said, she said

leave out the semi colons

and just keep

spinning

days upon days, words upon words------ (& nowhereness)

met another stranger 

on the train

she went by the name

of Alannah

Alannah, from Alberta

not a tourist

just there, 

yeah she just didn't really care

about nuffink, 

s'why I spoke to her maybe

maybe I was fascinated by the crazy

way she spoke out loud

cursing, pursing
her lips, creasing her 

forehead, like she knew....

some kind of something

yeah kind of nut-nut, kind of stuck in a rut-rut

a singer a dancer

a proper chancer

taking chances

like skipping amsterdam

like not giving a damn

just ending up wherever

like in the home of the professor

reading the book he wrote on mutants

wolfman and chinese albino///// ---(non)nuisance////

----but easily percieved

that way

so when the small hand hits five

she comes back to life

she gets this drive

to just be-------------------------------------so freeeeeeeeee

so I just leaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvvvvve

so I just speaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkk

non(sense)

and so I saw her

the girl who changed my world

..........................youuuuuuuuuu...........................

yes you love, and we shared everything

before going our separate ways----------

separate ways

we both crave a little space

---and so I go back to drifting, 

all the while sifting

through the possibilities 

laid out before me, 

(so many possibilities, 

but all leading down a thousand dead ends)

and then I got a text on my mash-up mobile

for a while it was

-refreshing and fun

meeting you tonight S-

---and that's it, the story of life----

gone before you got there

oxford street in autumn

wandering around 

after dark

lost in the crowds

lost in thought

deafened by the loud

noises, noises that taught
nuffink to nobody
--------vacuums///////empty vessels
///human beings with low levels---
of immaterial understanding-------
yeah us

oxford street in autumn

i saw you then, 

no I didn't 

I saw you then, 

no I didn't

----------------------------------------gone before you got there------------------------------------

nah, it's too late to go back

but it's too early to go forward

so I'll just stay right here
                                                 
                                               right where
I am

-------------------oxford street in autumn--------

the arabs they bought them

everything, ever material thing

that ever came into existence

they lost sight 

                                          of what it means to be in existence

and yeah I'd rather be a hippy, seeking

than a plastic male or female doll reeking

of sweet sickly perfume
------don't assume,
 don't make assumptions
-for you came away to soon---
to realise anything......

------------------------gone, before you got there------------

there, then, now------& the distance between them

I ran after you 

followed you into WPY 

this time last year, I don't understand why

I was so cautious
maybe it was the chorus
of dissident voices ringing in my head,
but now, after all these months
 I  finally get what you said
and friend, I gotta get me
some of what you got------

friend I gotta stop tryna be
someone that I'm not
--------///////perspective
I've gotta get it,
                                 back

girl, truth

girl, truth

i don't want to see you again

because since you been gone

i made so many mistakes

and I don't wanta pretend

that I'm even slightly there

girl, if only I could care
enough to be good, if only I could

be the person, you see me to be

then maybe I wouldn't hafta leave

this place-----

haters gonna hate

haters gonna hate

but I wish I didn't say

what I did then 

cos listen I ain't about that life

///----back stabbing

in hopes of grabbing

what? some kind of glory

worthless shit,
                              same old story------

nah I ain't about that life

putting people down

nah I ain't bound

or enslaved, by my insecurities-----

surely,
we should all just be

                                       ---safe, innit?

life makes sense backwards

questions and answers

see nothing beats the real 

the surreal, 

---of walking in the heavy rain

bracing the chilly winds

over the bridge on a dark night

in this city, and 

how did that happen?
a faithless priest turn lawyer
destroyer
arsonist, of fraying hope
up in flames 

how did we find ourselves there

on that rooftop, sad tales, sharing

hours before, I was staring

at the carpet in the jameel gallery

hours before, I was just thinking

about what life is
///// back to nothing

but this time, it feels magic 

again----

worry, so

days go by

days they never try

to fill themselves

they just are

----so---full----of themselves---

(why do you worry, so?)

something

you said i have this tendency

to mess up lives, with my uncertainties

and free-thinking

you said I'm switching//
                                     wholly        unflinching----

with the times; 

 with the passing of days

you said I'm changing my ways, 

I'm reverting to type,

turning left to right

in search of something 

--------in search of 

----------------------------------------something-------
(what do you know?)

still writing, not sharing

poems

a hundred

 and eighty three drafts

and not a single one share-able

the real-against-fable

care to mislabel

comic occurrences

-sheer error-

swear down, 

you can't make this shit up------

//////life

waterloo sunsets

a thousand waterloo sunsets

with a thousand different souls

sharing conversations

that some how never get old 

this is what keeps me young

fried chicken

spot on
the fried chicken shop
course it had to be clapham
                       wonder what               happened
to all them people,
to all them wings,
to all them legs, breasts and other tings
like a hundred thousand feathers
-small pleasures-
                      freshie dreams   fleshy themes           they call it,    
    yeah           they call it
grease, bone and flesh
yeah they call it
       clapham -sense
common hence,
              it's        < funny >
it's the clapham all we knew
dressed-up yuppies, chunder and G's too
           and don't forget the               misfits
this takes the biscuit
<hahahahaha> but its true-
its clapham/ through and through
the fried chicken shop
                           sometimes you just gotta      stop
and take it in//////-----

time now, or never again

what's the point

of having ten thousand friends

when you haven't got a single one

you can really talk to

from the onset I sought to
talk to You Lord

but its been so long

and I've been so wrong

throughout 

throughout

You kept me strong

Ya Allah, You kept me strong

how can I prolongue

the future, when it's already arrived

forever I strived, 

to be better, but now only You

only You

can bring me back 

Lord I know I lack

everything I need

to get me there, 

Lord, you know I fear

nothingness, that's why I'm here

////no/where-

-about to dissappear
(for-ever evereververver)

////////Lord, I'm going away again

this time I don't know when
or if I'll ever be back,
and so I need You with me

Lord I need You 

just You. just You, just me....

-I'm a stranger, see-
/ a traveller, true to my name
a stranger/// how can I blame
circumstance
when the circumstances change
but this time Lord, I want to travel with You

/in solitude////
 where we are least alone/

heaps of---

thin                                                                
bracken///////////////////////

never go home

i never go home

i just roam and roam and roam

sometimes alone

sometimes with the other

city strays

sometimes i just lay 

wherever

i like to hang out with clever

people, poets, artists, philosophers

friends and strangers

the trees and the big ben

the river and the sky

no i never go home

i just roam 

and roam and roam

sometimes alone

sometimes with other

city strays

one day, one day, one day

ima find a way
to live
(in this world)

outta this world

strange connections

deaths and ressurections

strange encounters
that count for

nothing, strange reflections

of past, future, present

sometimes pleasant

sometimes though

it just hurts you know

and I wonder

why am I the way I am

I wonder

why am I the way I am

and so I jam, 

I jaaam, I craaaaam

so much in a day

so I can't think 

or comprehend, the things

that happen

and the things that don't
////kind of outta this world////

----not here-----------

see i been living in this

wacked out dream

since I was fifteen

upstream, I been 

travelling

against a current

I been 

residing in some ill recurrent 

dream

I fell in a stream,

caught against a current 

and currently, 

I'm finding it hard to believe

-where I am-

                                ///////disassociation////

and listen I ain't tryna make

excuses for the things I done

I'm just tryna explain

how it all came undone

////it wasn't me

i wasn't there

how could I ever dare

to do the things I do 

if I were present/ incandescent------

mentally absent

the material self hasn't 

made any choices//////

------there were none/