roads called destruction

for there are

so many roads ahead of me

but they all lead 

to place called destruction

yeah there are so many roads to take

there are so many people waiting for me to make

that choice to be free, but not free

just wrong. I don't want to go down

any of those broken roads that beckon

I don't want to meet 

any of them people that reckon

I'd be happier living their way, by their rules

no rules at all, adhering to desires

no sooner will it transpire---- sheer emptiness 

for I know it already 

and I promised I'd never give up on the path

the path
                                               I've been wandering (backwards)

for so many years, 

lord, I won't

I won't, I won't

follow them into the darkness

I won't follow them anywhere

I told them already

I'm waiting on You

and You alone, all else

is just pass-time, 

Lord this won't be the last time

I ask for guidance

Lord, help me find a way ///(out)

so god-damn beautiful

bride,

you looked so god-damn beautiful

it broke my heart

bride

you looked so god-damn beautiful

it broke my heart

bride

you're my best friend for life

my best friend for life

now your someone else's wife

my love, as I held your hand

there on that stage

as I made you laugh

I felt myself fade

into someone else, 

into your beautiful shadow

I felt bad though

//////////////-----yeah I was overcome
                                             by the strangest feeling

giving you away

having dinner with your mum

and feeling part of your family

at long last, 

yeah your mum, she kept us apart

                                   and so she can love me

she can love me now

                        that you're safe

a haunted kind of feeling

maybe its the graves

maybe its the screams

maybe its the way

you come at me in my dreams

/a haunted kind of feeling/

maybe it's the places

maybe its the faces

that dark dark darkness

that sparse sparse sparseness
so
heart, heart, heartless
/a haunted kind of feeling/

maybe its the wards at night

maybe its the shadows with(out) fright
looking down    
                                           from such a great height

/a haunted kind of feeling/

maybe I'm still reeling

from that time the heavy hospital ceiling

fell on my head

                                and I was left for dead

no I never said

                            nuffink------------

a haunted kind of feeling
a haunted kind of feeling
----here I be still spieling
                                                                 on about a haunted kind of feeling
//////respite, no more

sums that don't add up

I miss you, I miss you

I wonder whether all them

old myths were true

in the end, I would like to lend

you more than only subtractions

minus minus minus

all that I took away from you

I miss you, I miss you

I wonder whether all them

old myths were true

I wonder where I'll be tomorrow

or next year

Lord knows I'd like to be
                       some place other than here

////////////////////this junction

this same treacherous junction

another deduction

minus the clarity

multiply the confusion

/////////here at a junction
                                                                             called                           nowhereness
                            but where are you? 

are you between two 

worlds, both equally unreal

the sums don't add up

because you took away

without saying anything

but I wonder

what is there left to say

in this big world full of empty words

except maybe

I miss you, I miss you

I wonder whether all them

old myths were true

/////////forget it

that be life

don't you forget girl 

that we're all essentially alone

I admit I was thrown

I was proper hurt

but then I remembered

             //////////////////that be life

that be life

you just got to rise

up and be stronger than that

see that be life
that be life

that be the nature of human people

///////////////non-equal,
illusory and transient
invisible and absent
here one minute gone the next

and when you live like I do

you don't often get vex

you don't ever forget

that things were once true

even if they stop being that way

maybe someday

truth will reign

once again

who knows, all I know

is that we're all essentially alone

so don't go

calling anyone forever

so don't go 

expecting shit from anyone

that be life

that be life

you just got to rise

up and keep going
/////////////                     //////////////////////////////////////

free tilikum

tilikum

the orca

captured

from the aurora

and brought down 

to the sick sick world

of seaworld
seaworld
a dark place
where human people hurl

fish for tricks

more money for more pricks

-free tilikum-

the captured orca,

from the aurora 

residing to this day

in that sick sick place

of seaworld

there tilikum stares at his scars

through the reflections in the glass

orca, from the aurora

you deserve to see the stars

from the sea so far

from this sick world

of seaworld.

of human people

-free tilikum, free tilikum, free tilikum-

orca divine

why did humankind

capture you, 

orca

you weren't created

for a lonely life of trauma

free tilikum, free tilkum, free tilikum

whale psychosis

we're the most-est

screwed up 

species ever, ---- human people

how did you come to develop

a sick greed

the desire to breed 

more sad and angry tilikums

more orca's

destined to be brought to

concrete bath tubs

from mothers torn

a desire to be unborn///

free tilikum, free tilikum, free tilikum

cemetery blues

sitting there

on a broken tree trunk

in that

homely, lonely

cemetery

feeling like

death

wishing the spirit

never left

me on my own

on my own

amongst decaying flesh

and bits of corroded bone

sitting there

in the december sun

trying to see clear

trying to come

to terms with a thing called death

i wish you never left

me, sitting there

amongst wrecked

 and worn graves

listening to waves

of noise, ///algorithms///the crows

the children's laughter 

guard the

laughter

coming from the school 

the school i once attended

the dead say nothing,
as if thoroughly offended

by joy, by life

by, life
we will come to die
for none can defy
the inevitable

bingo babes/ granada grannies

granada grannies

the bingo babes of tooting

everyday you'll find them refuting

notions of aging

by engaging 

in sweet silly laughter 

friendship and play

everyday, 

they played bingo 

while speaking in a lingo

none would understand

and amongst them sat Mildred

a cocky loud-mouth gran

 determined to win back a grand

she lost, till then
poor Mildred was banned 

from entering the house till 12

but well

where else was there to go

but gala bingo

where all her friends were

enjoying life, 

granada bingo

a place lost in time

there she would sit

waiting, waiting waiting

for her number to come up 

/////////////////38- it came to late

as soon as she left 

it came on screen 

life is like that

d'ya get what I mean?

-granada grannies,

bingo babes, 

keep smiling in the face

---------------------------------of senility 

deptford creep

deptford creek

deptford creep

in the fog

it looked so bleak

in the fog

she looked so meek

deptford creek

deptford, it reeks

of blood now

and mud

 ------unnatural mud

on the surface,

her face

fades 

and scatters

amongst pieces of waders 

ripped into shreds

and pieces of raggedy

worn and hapless dreds

deptford creek

deptford creep

fox fur prayed

you would never meet

another

trippy london, day #673

the trippy moments

that made up a day

 two french rasta hippies

with rad moustaches gathered change 

in a quick exchange 

before jumping on the bus

and off again

at woodstock avenue

woodstock avenue

man, the view,
from above was near perfect
even on the surface
nothing close to ordinary

the carvings in the mud temple

in Wembley, the hole in the wall

an entertainment centre, all flash and secret

the broken little huts from the past

on either side of the tiny waterfall

the roofs were all
 caving in

the tin cans were dented in sin

and brent town hall 

memories of a wedding crashed

and getting lost in the woods at night

alone, as ever, 

the yellow sludgy stream

another toxic dream 

the empty beautiful pergola

almost unreal, completely deserted,

the setting purple sun

the flashes from a camera

that old restaurant owner who always

calls them darling in his posh
anglo-indian accent

and writing poetry
outside the poetry library at night
this

and never going inside

and getting in trouble for sleeping

pan-londonism-souf, norf, west and the rest

and latin american music

smoother than smooth

and more images than anyone can ever make 

sense of

like those two raggedy bums

sat together ever close

watching a tiny prehistoric scream

while grooming their long beards

and the 83 bus past that yellow building

retracing steps

the stadium

and places never known to exist

to exit

now

the trippy moments that make up a day

a hundred thousand to make up a life

girl what do you say?

-----------------------------------------london----------

----------is---------------weird----------------

baudrillard

hyperreality

we're living in it

diluted fiction
it doesn't really sit

well with the dreamer

its hard to see the

truth in anything

any more

december is cold

there, there, there

in another crowd I didn't know

there, there, there

no inhibitions, no caution to throw

to the wind,

there, there, there

I saw fire

I saw you through a haze of smoke

our eyes met girl, 

                                    but it was so broke

everything

what we were, what we had

my rock, my fam, my truest blad

you were a stranger then

(how did that happen?)

--------------yeah life, its so sad
but I'll be so glad,
when you are, just know

                              you won't ever be erased

you won't ever be replaced, 

-------------you'll just be

another bitter-sweet memory

-true love, fades-

but forever we'll remain

sisters
this I promise you

now is all you have

living in the now

no clue where I'm going

but I know somehow 

I'll get there

and even if I don't

it's the journey that matters

though sometimes the journey

it shatters

all hopes of an ending

worth mending

the broken incomplete-ness

that exists, nontheless

we learn,

we learn 

to live in the moment

to make moments mean

something or nothing

nonsense or articulation

moments that happen, that are

like laughing every day

with other human people, strangers and friends

like accepting yourself and everyone,
like trying to spend
time with real time, with real life, with reality

else, and realising 

that it don't matter

no it won't matter, one day

so say, just say

 what you want

whatever's in your heart

or else the what-ifs will start

to carve craters in your soul

stealing parts of you

----- and taking a toll

on what's left of a life-----------

the One is watching over you

------so live well

chilli sauce and surreal

chicken cottage

the baubles on the ceiling

surreal observations

without any feeling

------of reality

like six pairs of eyes

from six shades of colour

dull the 

(lights) and turn it into home----

six pairs of eyes,
                      somewhat alone

looking up 

                                     at a single screen

------a black and white dream

with subtitles

////a sundial----
                                malfunctioning
somewhere out there
like that sad old indian film

from the sixties

that they were all watching
                         ----transfixed

the somali youth
man behind the counter

the two travellers in the booth

they found a
escape, chewing on fries

their eyes
set on the screen

the baubles fast-fading

-------a black and white dream

chilli sauce and the surreal
images that fill
(collective minds)//
//////our london life

as a kid in lahore

since I was a kid

I learnt to pick

myself up 

and keep going

i broke my foot

i split my chin

i lost all my friends

yet nothing could remove the grin

on my face

and the passion in my heart

to explore

yeah as a kid in lahore

i learnt how to explore

I learnt to pick myself up

after each and every fall

I learnt to walk 

before I could ever crawl 

and now

I'm just still that kid

who am I kiddin'

I'll never change who I am

and I don't want to-----

strange birds

another day

another lake

another chance

I failed to take

there listening to birdy

listening to strange birds

listening to strange birds

watching two cormorants 

                                      two cormorants perched

on two high high branch

there listening to strange birds

there listening to strange birds

-my wounded wings still beating,

you’ve always loved the stranger inside…(me)-

//////signs/////// ----beating---- 

just being there -----breathing----

just being able to stare

up at the big big sky

and down at the big big lake

to be able to decipher

the real from the fake

and in the sun 

they seek me out

and they look through my eyes 

into my vacant soul and say

-hello-hello-hello-

the depths, I'll never know

or understand- 

human connection

yes life, it's strangely unfair

but so undeniably beautiful, 

that one ceases to care

about anything but the signs

beauty-----sublime signs (they mean everything)

but nothing, 

so don't read too much into them

for they'll just drive you mad

yet here- a dharma bum again,----so glad

for it feels so good

TO BE FREE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hxIGKNhW1Q

namak mandi

you took me out 

of it

where I was

with water and wire

with loving and laughter

                                   -dire

---no more

circumstance, 

beautiful----- 

                                     the way you enhanced

my life with colours

with erasing smoke and somali strangers

speaking a tongue unknown

to know-----

it exists out there still 

there, with star-crossed plans

there singing terribly in grams

there in namak mandi

the salt market

you took it out of me

you took me out

of it

and I love you so much 

                                    for taking it out of me

-ten million billion times-

viking supreme

to be you 

viking

to travel 

to trade snakes

to travel

to never put your foot on the breaks

to track wild animals

the wildest of all animals

----human people

to be you 

viking

to just go

some place you don't know

to reside in jungles

to follow killer elephants

to go against the elements

to take no notice

of security codes

to have loads

and loads and loads

of courage

to be you

viking

for here, now---

I'm disliking

-----everything I am

..wandering by the shore (un--sure)....

...time lapse, 

                       perhaps

time---

                              didn't happen... 

(unsure, on the foreshore)

                                           ---for sure, 

time- 

                              didn't happen...

dawn

dawn

they yawn

they mourn

the nights descent

the mornings arrival

is was made clear

in the bible

kempis says

kempis says

kempis says

magic cave steward

hmm to be 

in the crystal cave

to watch the waters cascade

to wander to and fro

in a grotto where few come and go

hmm it might be

more than slightly

-magical-

there for you.

here///

feeling sad

for all my friends

who are feeling sad

here///

feeling bad

for all my friends

who are feeling bad

-tonight-

you're not alone

for it's a known

fact that we're living lives 

in parallels 

in the same city

-tonight-

in different cities,

in different parts 

of the world too

life is beyond strange, 

if only you knew

life is so sad

gosh if only we had

more time

if only we didn't have to
live our lives

in lonesome parallels

you there smoking

you there wandering

you there smashing it to pieces

me here-----sprinting

away, forever sprinting---

away, 

-love to you, all-

each and every one of you

/////we'll get through---

somehow

leaving without words (I have none)

sitting by the river

perhaps its time to reconsider

perhaps its time to reconfigure

to redeliver, 

an ending

I left again

without a word 

I left again
without a word
like a raging bird

trying to be caught
I sought
freedom, from human people

and that silly baroness

who I couldn't care less

about, and those 

hundred photos 

that meant nothing

nah I didn't give a shit

about any of it

even though

it was what 

I wanted my life to be about

where am I again?

deans yard

sitting on some -----------------

glorious ancient wall 

in st deans yard

like a bum; I was caught off guard

--------------------------I was off duty

I was overcome

by London's dis-beauty

//////a murky dawn

a feeling of forlorn

all around 

all around

the trumpets sound

and the school boys talk about history

as the motorcyclist 

lies on a stretcher

while the paramedics and police 

scrape metal off the floor

we all saw
it, ------a mortal
---------------fall through

a portal
------------gone------

where i go

everywhere I go

I meet people that I know

that know people that I know

that know

people that I know

s'why I gotta go 

some place far where 

don't nobody know
the people that I know
that know people that I know
that know people that I know
listen, I ain't like you

I don't want no success

I don't want no stress

I just wanna be

alone

and free

I just wanna breathe

-easy-

all creatures vets

//////mental one

she hugged a letterbox

before chasing a crazed fox

down mysore street

past two shops

one a barbers

one a hair salon

inside two human people, 

were filing one long talon

and mirroring acts 

of grooming

she stopped 

when she got

to all creatures vets

they don't treat just pets

but all wild wild animals

will they treat me?

she wondered

                             -before stepping inside

////you have reached your destination////

bill and terry's contraption

bill and terry

every night

they arrive by ferry

and in moonlight

they create like

these mad contraptions

on the shore of the thames
 yeah they spend

time creating 

strange contraptions

that transport them

to worlds unknown-----

worlds that know

nothing of
          ---------time

k-pop at twilight

dancing to k-pop

in the empty park after dark

beneath the estates 

soufside, king georges, 

 the star forges

a friendship with the moon

the lake glistens

and the swans swoon

as we dance to kpop

after dark in the park

ah girl, we're still stark

mad (I've missed you)