an angel in angel

ten thousand years later

she's still riding that same

                                  escalator

up up up to angel

there's an angel

          ----waiting

encounters, that count for--- something

these days

these nights

something else

there's light

everywhere

in every strange encounter

elder stradler, 

elder terry

two young american guys

who preach day and night

we prayed by the road side

i told them about my book

they told me about God

we set a date

for tea, to watch, to watch

the light grow

and differences

that aren't

stradling and terry

where did you guys come from

how did you end up here

in tooting one night

talking to me like

you guys are long-lost mates

I promise its not too late

to see it, through our eyes

we prayed by the roadside
we laughed and tried
to make sense of it----

missionaries
but the magic kind

and the magic of the trippy lights

of london before

walking and walking forever

taking a picture whenever

i thought i saw something 

beautiful and weird

but not another stranger

who sat next to me

a professor

a woman named H

...each day be strange
but then
waiting in the cold
cold cold cold
...........................................cold.......
but waiting in the cold
I remeber

where I (don't) go

the smell 

of the book of Mormon

three luxury hot chocolates

talking about faith

and stuff, like pilgrimage

and light

and after the journey ends

before you go home

come see me

and I'll show you 

the city, 

jerk chicken 

by the tent in the green

and hanging out in a dream

falling asleep

           some place

and the canal 

and the canal

and the canal at night

and the canal

and south and west and east and west

I went back for you

you didn't show

so I left real quick

I didn't really know

                        where to go

where I go

there, with strangers

funny how they are 

strangers

when strangers

aren't so

funny, life

like

the strums of his guitar

like walking ahead, so far

and then going back again

and there in the gold light

legs stretched out

towards the chapel 

--------------

there with pretty rose

sweet rose

hope grows

            and     so will you

SPRING is here

he guards lions

and so Jean

that was his name

the night guard 

guarding the lions

of trafalgar square

his stories made the hairs

on the back of her neck 

stand up, 

but not so, 

shelter, she kept low

in the rain, 

by the secret doorway

with t, and Jean

nelson's column 

protrudes

ask me anything

back to wandering

wandering around again

this time into the city at night

not out of it

but bob was playin jammin

and it all came back to me

I fell in love with london again

and then I thought

would it be rude 

to overtake the limping man

would it be wrong

to leave because I can't stand

the smell of the streets

on a person, so many questions

so many thoughts

and to divide yourself

to cut fiction short

I need to write something down

a book I had in my head for years

but the words

between thought and scribbles

-------------------non--/sense

shadows of nothing

a flash in the dark

and she felt un-beautiful

pale and flaking

making 

out nothing shadows

had those

shadows 

meant something

she wouldn't be there

she would be long gone

instead she felt un-beautiful

under the gleaming cold stars,

she wished she hadn't sacrificed half

of her former self 

for a self that was now divided, 

being divided, 

overrided 

the qualities she once possessed, 

such as being whole and wholly in control 

of her own self

time dissolved

fading numbers

                letters embossed

in dirt

your cats are here

funny when you go

           we stay     put

your presence 

your presence it shook
it touched

a hundred thousand cats

your presence 

your presence never lacked

love, 

but in absence

in absence

we haven't 

found a way

to go away

to go away

we hear them everyday 

a thousand meows

sound out, the felines

you left behind

are wailing

they're sailing 

through the days

            all aimless and shit

twilight thought

life, shouldn't it be

more about beauty

than duty, 

I'm acutely 

aware 

of the fact

that we're all going to die

selflessness and pieces

to cut yourself into pieces

and give them all a part

to gain in increases
before you come to depart
I learnt the art

of selflessness 

during a winter spent in lahore

before a spring that somehow tore

away the baby tulips from the sun

I learnt, to give them all a single part

of the entire sum

of being

and yet to still feel 

as though it isn't nearly enough

it's tough, so goddamn tough

to be there for people

to be there

and when I'm going through the motions

I never ever dare

                                ask        for a soul to be near

cos I understand that to tear

yourself into parts 

is more than one can ever ask

for, so learn

learn to be there for yourself
and learn to be kind

a sisters love

always around

even when you're not

but you were there

and reunited 

it went away

girl I don't quite know 

what to say

but when I looked into your eyes

I knew you knew

the love between two 

sisters, runs so deep

that words don't need

utterance

to just know 

that this is me

that that is you

that even though
we're so far apart, like glue
God binds souls
and one day,
one day
will come back x

where i be

geographically lost

mentally absent

i've travelled the length 

                  of this city

yet i still haven't

found it

yeah 48 hours

west, souf

norf and east

i been all around

my forehead creased

in confusion

the puddles

they weren't an illusion

nah they were real

they soaked right through

so I stopped, socks drenched

I began following blue arrows

the sparrow

i don't know

what happened to him,

but i know rhino the chicken

escaped

and then there was that

industrial waste
land with african cosmetics

and a shop called stuff it

where there were stuffed animals

                            and shit

yeaaaah im bare confused

battered by the wind

spiritually starving
---------one day you'll bring
someone comfort. 

ode to all my friends

so much faith in me

you keep me strong

so much faith in me

you don't know how much I long

to make things right for you

to see you always smiling

you're so beautiful and brilliant

I don't know why you're hiding

-------you're beauty

I wish I could make you see

just how special you are

just how far

you're bound to go

I know one day you'll show

the world your true colours

you just need to believe in yourself

like I believe in You

believe me sister,

God's promise is true

and I thank Him everyday 

for bringing you into my life

love to you all

dead grass

the grass 

on the other side,
it ain't green

it's dead and yellow,
but that don't mean 

nothing, see I ain't

looking for greener grass

I'm looking
for a dream ever-last

                                and the truth is
----all dreams come hard
and
               yellow grass

it may be all
                     burnt and scarred

but to water it

to make it green

to invest time and energy

into something
                   that will one day come to mean

so much to so many

that's what its about
          that's what its all about 

riggy and i

my best mate

she's you, sis

 we always have a laugh,

people watching 

in tooting

ain't nothing better

than people watching

in tooting,

ain't nothing better

than             people watching

  ain't nothing better 

                    than               cotching 

moon-dancing in aisles

               and squatting

in sunlight

  we saw them all 

watching, we were mocking

fictional characters

                SO             out of this world

bopping

along like some ghetto santa 

             so much banter

yeah, nothing was wrong
then, nothing was wrong

cold days

cold days

wrapped in a duvet

sniffle, blind sided plays

in the background

and the world is still

you stare up at the window

feeling weary and quite ill

cold days

          you say

a part of you

                        likes being

cold

                wrapped in your duvet
alone, you told            

me nothing beats

that feeling
of humble grey solitude

cold days------------------
let us count ways
to be grateful

trippy day #970

the trippy moments that made up a day

 proper tired

nahhhh I can't be bothered to relay

the trippy moments that made up a day

there are too many

but let me get it down

before I forget

bethnal green to cambridge heath

hanging out in that cafe 

where I once met E

we discussed debts in the past

now here, everlast

gone-----

a derelict building, a cool factory

of design, 

a Lithuanian church

more than slightly sublime

a computer framed in gold

like a Samuel Palmer

but moving and mundane

and some

street art, before hackney, and another church

a treehouse, a pond and chickens

 cluck cluck

and then a bus bus

to St Paul's in the eve, 

across the bridge

over the river

thinking about you all

while moving with cold wind

a hundred narrow alleys

london. is. weird. 

new start #746

another new start

a hundred and ten new faces

another new start

the one I been waiting for forever

no I never

thought I'd arrive here

at present time

this is what I been working for

but wait----

an email from frog life
                            in westgate

but wait----

a conversation in the Waterloo Millennium green

with old scruffy mister tommy with rheumatism

he looked like Fagan

talked like him too

smelt like him too

with crutches and wrinkles

can't remember if he wore shoes

one hundred and one years old

with a mouth on him

but I didn't want it to stop moving 

but time was running out, as ever

and so I shook his worn ancient hand

and said another goodbye 

                                        goodbye
old man fagan

I won't tell you when I fly

I won't ask you to come along

--------sorry I didn't mean to lie

another new start

its the in-betweens that matter
like running under the stars at night
and talking to old man fagan about life

its the in-betweens that matter

but wait-----
nothing.

searching.

of all them people 

closest to me

they don't exist no more

                                        they ain't about that life

see of all them people

           I most wanna find

all them unforgettable people

ain't none of them online

I been wondering for too long

I been wondering how I can find

them people:

                  the real ones

that gone done disappeared

like I sometimes do

they alive still?

                                   if only I knew

where to find them                  

searching, still.

truth and lies

truth lies

in images that

                                       weren't 

in words that

                                   burnt

through paper

                  truth lies

in absence