dairy love

vegan sisters

absent others

nothing left

but a refrigerator

full of soy milk

and tofu

who knew, 

this is how it would be

concept

a harrowing emptiness

to be filled

maybe by

reading,

poems in a library

maybe by 

trying to understand

                                     primary

concepts

such as

a universal hollow

or maybe by

wandering in the rain

drinking tea

withholding 

                               physical pain

no longer able to blame

anything or anyone

but circumstance

but yet to always

be wandering

and wondering

and missing

and wishing

that things change

and so there 

in that somali resturant

there,

feeling at home

and like a stray cat

in a city, in fact

sure nights are black

and sort of cold

because its getting old

and nobody knows

what its like 

                                     to withhold
 physical pain

time is (forever) runnnnnnningggggggggg outtttttttttt

nah, you never understood it

                                     the urgency in my voice 

each rushed and impulsive choice

I made

naaah            you never understood it

our time was running out

                             you never understood it

our time was running out                              

          I was losing            sleep 

                                          thinking about 

how our time was running out

you didn't know it

I did. I was rushing about

talking to clocks

trying to convince

             all big hands to stop

ticking,    I tried convincing

                                                            the sun to quit turning, 

just for a while

ten million years maybe

now it's all so hazy

-----almost like a vague dream

                                                      that never was

-naaah, you never understood it-

vertigo beautiful

vertigo beautiful

you're one of a kind

vertigo beautiful 

the One, did he bind

our dreams together

vertigo beautiful 

I hope we never 

lose each other

lose touch with forever

may we seek to uncover

to understand

life's secretly grand

plans for us

in God we trust

girl, I look forward

to seeing you 

in another world, 

perhaps by another river

beautiful vertigo 

i hope our dreams

won't entirely wither

away into nothingness

love to you

cassette in my head: why

lately i been feeling so low

don;'t matter how hard i try

i can't seem to let go

i can't seem to forget 

its like there's this cassette

in my head

and it's been playing

on repeat

don't matter how hard I try

somehow I just keep

winding up here

cut off, 

                 at loss

    lingering

mingling

with old demons 

I can see them

and they can see me 

if only I could remove the shackles

and finally be free

-------------------------free

lately I been feeling so low

don't matter how hard I try 

I just can't seem to let go

one day 

I really hope I come to know

            and understand

                                 why

                                                                    why

smoke and storm

caught in a storm

blown by the wind
the light grows dim
and the smoke engulfs
-----------until
there is nothing

shawshank jigsaw

your life is a film

a great epic

something like

shawshank redemption

but richer and sadder

                    bigger and madder

now you're in an open prison

working and teaching

paying your dues

and often and often and often

I think about you

I think about your jigsaw life

and now when they say

                                I'll end up like that
before the the gates close

I'm no longer offended

rather I wonder if I could spend it

in the same way---- this fleeting existence, 

travelling forever

living out of a bag

leaving no trace

no numbers and nothing to brag

about, no, just living in a way 

the dead living 

would never understand, one day

tell me your story

i promise I won't write it down. 

insomnia's children

-------------------night walkers

flight's daughters

--------------inflicted with sleeplessness

mystique and thus

thinking////

a never-ending thought

         naught

nothing but darkness

the dark         

                          kind of insomnia

the kind that won't ever go away

always always always awake

and never asleep

no we never found a way to keep

hold of the dreams

that sometimes turned 

into nightmares

slight cares

voyaging through

dark and lonesome thoroughfares

                            the kind of insomnia

that won't ever go away

forever wide awake 

                                     at night

asleep during the day

but still 

never quite there

present

in the present

in the present that is

not the present

in the illusion that came 

and went

-------------------------------you spent

too much time with the moon

elephant rain and fading shadows

over a year 

has it really been that long

I braved the storm 

to see you 

from elephant in the rain

to the back ends of bermondsey

pass the goldfinches

and the south asian factory from the past

pass the piles of cotton

oh dear, I've forgotten to take off the mask

too busy walking the dirt paths, 

the gali's, -----to the sound 

of the rickshaw,

but being there in the empty studios

the three of us again

drinking pineapple juice

out of wine glasses

soaking in neon melancholy----

and talking about magic

about hawksmoor

gone and re-gone,

d'you know how much I adore

you both

the only couple 

that makes me want to get married

so I can have that

friendship and love

prancing in masks

plaiting plastic blonde hair

knotting and knitting

we never had to ask,  

macrame, tea

the basement in the black

the red light that guides

the car ride, mourneful sighs

the station

faith is life

life is love and love is sad

and full of sorrow

but beautiful nonetheless