a flashback

a dream

a flashback

there you were

its too late to backtrack

i heard

you went to the mountains

i heard

you went to the mountains

you went to the mountains

alone

i heard 

you went to the mountains

-so out of reach and hollow through-

you went to the mountains

to renew

spirits, did you not?

are we not

one and the same

proclaim

on top of a mountain

life is not real

on top of a mountain

the sunrise, did it heal?

did you find God

parallels/////

did you watch
particles, stars, constellations

                                                soon to collide
                                                                            

who knows

maybe you'll find me
one day, in His remembrance

(the peace that you feel is real life)

solitude in mosques

there, 

lying on a carpet

of a mosque

flashbacks

to the holy land

where I lost

my mind, 

floating-------------

as ever

two years

------------whatever

i'll be so far away

from here

that here

won't matter

no 

here won't matter

red zone

what you doing here

errr yeah

i live upstairs

in the red zone

s'why you'll find me 

often lurking here alone

I sleep in paleo

and dream in the earth gallery
I reside in a fallacy
created by a mind
          not mine
and most days you'll find
----------me in unlikely places. 

carries messages, nerves and cells

the inherent 

emptiness of the human condition

you know it well 

you said you would tell

me all about it

ten thousand souls you left hanging

gates crash---- a mighty clanging

resounding

cold and metallic

then one day

you look through your pockets

only to find

torn numbers and broken lockets

half-names and tasks incomplete

promises obsolete

for there is

nothingness, but You

but You, but You Lord

                         my vein is missing

my jugular vein is no more

and so everything is nothing

inessential

when the gloom

is so thick

the moon so slick

and silver

and invisible

and solitude is

all encompassing

and there's only i

the sky is only sky

clouds with nothing beyond

nothing below

nothing above

and i is nothingness

nothingness to love

just letters

that came to pass

that never last

so why do we care

               so why do we bare

the inessential

fine hawk

trapped in a mirror                         

within a dream

don't wanna wake

                                            cos that'll only mean

I'm outta time 

                I'm outta time

                                I walked on blue

I treaded across a fine 

and flimsy sheet of chalk

from above a hawk

stared

                                 its beady beady eyes

dark, imploring demise

                      came unto me

sunrise

a crystal carpet of iridescent

                         ice

                     the fading moonrise

the dawn break

               the violent swans

the steam above the lake

              the worthy pines

the wooden spines

and a single thought

and a single                     thought

it came to pass

self-destructive 

                             child

why do you go so 

                                     wild

often

                   so mild

wholly riled 

                     and extreme

                                        you whisper

you scream

                   death come unto me!

death came to see

                   

                                        you weren't joking

and by then it was too late

was it not too late?

and then it came to pass

here be

here be

here be peace

here be east

and west 

the meeting point

the junction

here lies
                    your soul
your sole
broken
presumption       

and it came to pass

and it came to pass

no going back 

here be 

everything you are

everything you were

the sum of it all

you've come far

but further is closer

and closer is on the horizon

the horizon never ends

here is near

here is almost here

you're almost there

keep going

then

you got through

you ran ten thousand miles

to a place you almost knew

the earth grew
                        wider

it had to be here

here be -----everything

mornings not for people

before dawn

then dawn itself

folding in on itself

         a time 

before time, 

birdsong 

words wrong, 

before time

before the line

a sentence, a paragraph

an utterance

dawn, 

there in camden

neon lights and random

things and things

looked so different

without people

without the people

in the cold soft light of dawn

without the people

exposing and forlorn

offloading, bits of torn-----

paper

not much later

I followed the grand union canal 

up to the path I know well

 up primrose hill

          the sky was murky and so ill

           the sun it will

not rise for me

or the youngsters already there

like they came out of 

a tv series, a novela, a movie 

about broken dreams

and love and what it means

to be that age

-------a teenage 

     are, you there, 

still? another sunrise

the sun was missing

or it rose the other way

and I wasn't looking

so I wandered back onto 

that old train 

and closed my eyes, 

wishing sleep came

when it was supposed to

and there then, it came out

the sun, in lower marsh

I had a cup of tea alone

and then at lunch 

I went home

to the river 

a home

to me 

a place to be

and even later on 

that very day

I went to see St Paul

I heard the cathedral say

it's you

 it's you again

it's you

and so I crossed the silver

but still the

whispers continued

so soft like the tunes they sung

the men with dreadlocks

and the two musicians who came

up again

and a crowd of ten thousand

but to travel, to travel and to just be

exactly

where you're supposed to

it doesn't get much better....

                          than this

alhumdulillah 

bus windows

and now your leaving

to go there

the place where real life

sometimes resides

and now where am I

where am I

                       floating

on

            getting  

somewhere

             forgetting

that there

           is a place

where you exist

sometimes I stare

 through bus windows 

and just miss

you              

people we meet

algebra

algazali

alfriston

and geometry

collecting ammonites

and firing up 

clay 

we're all made of it

you came up again

and throwing up to the sky

sandwiches

as night

fades

into day

the seagulls swoop

and catch them

by the bay

from eat

from eat

wasted you took them

before you left

goodbye 

meanwhile

morrocan love

the family waited

for a stranger

they were fated 

to meet

and

the empty polish club

with fruit and lemons

flashing lights

and demons

gone

faces we know

names we don't

but love

is out there-------every(where)

and tyger tyger burning bright

william blake, he was right

belief

underneath

falsitude

it lies, it connects

everything

kitties and wool

knitting for kittens

so beautiful, you were smitten

for shining iridescent eyes

purrs so soft

you kept sewing 

you got so lost

in your stitches and thoughts

come back again

to the material world

--------no, never
you whispered 

take spring

 she's back; 

                        you said

5am          she's wandering around

in your head

            I saw the thread

of light, 

the sunrise

beyond the lake

I heard the birds

         make

whimsical and pretty

noises: sound patterns in the air

I could hear,

them tweet tweet tweet in the sky

        people, we can also fly

                just go to the lake

                              and take

a deep breathe

for this is living

for spring is giving

us a chance 

to start again

 -----------take it

dropped out

dad you once said to me

no one can live your life for you

we won't be around forever

and neither will they

listen carefully to what i have say

you can';t live in someone elses' pocket

you;re heart, sometimes you have to lock it

one day you'll understand

one day I'll understand

muse-

i need

a new muse

to diffuse

some gold beams

to re-fink

dem old schemes

I need 

a new muse

to amuse

I need

some new news

                       some how you knew        I could use

someone

to inspire

to re-ignite the fire

within, maybe its you

liar

maybe its you

do you never tire

of being there

with you

nothing will make you

miss your parents more than

spending time

                           with someone else's

mum I miss you

I hope you can see through

these layers

           don't listen 

to them nay-sayers

they don't know what we do

mum I love you so much

                                  it's true

mum I dream about you

a lot these days

I wonder if you visit the graves

alone now

I am with you

x

such/ truth

such

in urdu it means truth

the truth is

such

keep in touch

im telling you now

I won't

if I can't keep in touch

if I can't stay such

with God

or the two who raised me

the siblings who tried to make me

better, 

or myself

what makes you think

I'll keep in touch with you

nahhh I'm telling you now

I won't call back

I got a list, a goddamn stack

of lists, of all the people

who I ain't

kept in touch with

straight up, I'ma just tryna live

such 

I won't keep in touch
don't ask me too

rip tide, terror

rip tide

rising high

stranded

the shining moon

the gleaming chalk

the midday sun

///the equinox:
escape the lot                      

of crashing tidal waves

the terror

of being cut off

on shore

                                                        cut off 

in every sense, I swore

by land and sea

by you God 

you mean more to me

than all this 

so why can't I 

be it

hostel memories, green snake

back here, in this hostel 

where I got it back 

alone, I had my back

some years ago

at present time I slack

off but against the sunset sky

the moon

the sheep at dusk 

I know there must

be so much more

much more, than this

------battle-scars
and a list

homesick for heaven

will I make it back 

before the gates close, a procession

of thoughts....my heart knows 

what my soul denies

       a hundred thousand rhymes

later

--- I'm still here

squirming like the green snake

in the grass -

         don't go blind

viaduct 380

the golden viaduct, glorious

I saw it fast fading

through the rare view mirror

along with the fleeting evening sun, 

the blossom bloomed in a millisecond 

and it begun

to impart its secrets to the wind

                                          we spinned 

around 

380 degrees

       380 degrees

               home, 

380 degress

smiling ghosts

is it

you like to visit

death

death left you bereft

death left you dispossessed

blessed, 

                                    death it don't smile

so why run a mile

to a place

   -----unknown

words in an alleyway

see I got this theory

that there ain't really 

all that many people in this world

nahhh

because everyone I see and meet

I seen before,

as i left through the back door

a glance, a stare, 

                            a smile
--a few to spare

that one time that one time 

                          that one time

turned into forever

and seeing you again

with that other dino guy

more than surreal, 

i recognised you 

from the colour of your highlights

in some back alley

of haringey

yeah and we

walked for a bit

and talked about shit

like gold shops and the past

you said you didn't remember 

the last time you saw me

I do, yeah I do

it was at the platform at south ken station

back when i was mental and almost through

with life

 but then

its strange like that

and you just

cross paths

when paths come undone

paths

                            come undone

con(time)

there in that place

we used to jam

all these months later

it's me and tan

who are here

this place

by that one

z---- house
but the sun
don't shine no more
not there

most things aren't

mister kabba

from sierra leone

sitting there on that bench
theoretically alone-------

you said i wanna be your friend

you said i wanna be your friend

i said naaaah you don't

you don't wanna be my friend

but i'll see you around

i'll see you around if it's meant

......most things aren't

burundi dreamers

early mornings late nights

the river

...............................i set my sights

towards  

the beautiful women from Burundi

i still haven't sent you your pictures

                    from big ben at twiight

you, your old ma, your little boy

i stroked his cold cheeks

stared at your pink suitcase

and pointed you to respite

--------------you'd just arrived

from heaven