noticing things

the way the evening light

hits the cherry blossoms

the way the clouds shift

making shapes, broken and solemn 

the way the wind passes through 

the way the tropical palms sway

every time that you 

drift by and opt to stay 

rooted, muted, in a secluded

patch of green

the way the ancient crows seem

to know everything

they make their homes in pines

out of small lines

of straw

straw, that's what it's for

to make a home

*

the way the evening light

hits the weather vane on the asylum 

the way that you wear silence

as a cloak, concealing

it pointed east

the crow took flight, fleeing

in that very direction

(a home to come back too)

*

the way the gates were opened

the gates to the secret garden

the way that life unfolds

the way the universe holds

onto you------ and keeps you upright

in restless times, when nothing is right

see, when you spend so much time alone

you notice the crow in his home

you notice each undertone

wandering and wondering 

seeking refuge

in a secret refuge

(a thousand of them)

you notice things

the way things are 

for just a moment in time

and everything is as it should be

everything is everything 

Alhamdulillah

slow down, don't stop

a thousand moments

                  maybe more

a frail old man

eyes fixed on the floor

he carries a mammoth book

 he moves slowly

ever so slowly

(from a bus window)

                                          at twilight

a blind man bumps into

                    a sign outside a newsagents

a hovering stick before him

he moves slowly  

ever so slowly

someplace else

       a lady using crutches

she struggles as she clutches 

onto her everything

             she moves so slowly

ever so slowly

///heart breaks, at seeing souls make

    slow movements

but to move still

but the bravery 

but the life

but the bravery and the life

but the life 

      on the other side

the boys and girls from chelsea

sip martini's outside bars

dressed in tuxes and gowns

 on roadsides with fancy cars

the other side

a small private school boy

exclaims the lipstick pen is epic

unceasing laughter 

it's epic, shit it's so epic 

that lipstick pen

but also your boyhood  

spirit (keep it safe forever kid)

the kimono

the strangers

the runners that run by

the river that flows 

the lost foreigners that wander

drifting, sub alive

                   --- unable to identify 

with the townscape

and the people that make

it so

so so so so 

no tarrying, for some, just travelling

though

just looking to

the sky

and at the people

gosh the people
wondrous and unearthly

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

V&A reveries III

hiding in silver

waiting in gold

searching in tapestries

for wisdom, I sold

nothing, but a map 

a map a map a map 

I told you not to go

off track off track off track

it's not safe, but wait

forget it, just keep going

go any way you like

I'll keep wandering by the casts

under curly delicate glass

far from home in asia

far from home in the far east

far from home in renaissance

hmm hmmm hmmm but at least

we're in the same dimension

on the great bed of ware

if i fell asleep would I wake

elsewhere

 i wonder

life at the museum

it's all people watching and botching

up words.... too lost in thought

I can't remember a single thing

you said stranger,
 oh...?

oh japan is that way

oh kipling is there

asia is behind you

you're really quite near

////can I dream again?

sad girl

sad girl 

why are you so sad

you never said goodbye 

she know's you well enough

to understand

and if she doesn't that's ok

soon she'll forget, 

sad girl, you regret

everything

why not live well

so you have less to regret

                                            to forget

nothing is set

in stone 

not even your heart

(though you may think it)

sad girl

why are you so sad

you keep shutting everyone out

to keep from getting hurt

you end up getting hurt still

sad girl, I wonder what it will

take for you to learn

sad girl 

don't worry the feeling will pass

don't worry sad girl 

you'll get better soon

and when you can breathe again

nothing will seem so bad

gosh, sad girl 

why are you so sad

everything is ok

it will be just fine

though you may not believe it

there's a fine old line

between sorrow and gold
try to unfold
///// those old mind maps
             timelapse

the future is bright *believe it*

a prayer

Oh Allah

please forgive me 

for the times I fall short

the most merciful, 

ever majestic 

i'm so lowly and fraught

with injury, so inwardly

elsewhere, but oh Allah

I can hear

you calling me

so I rush to pray

peace is my forehead

pressed against the ground

tears streaming down my face

no longer lost, I am found

Ya Allah I miss You the most

I miss the days where I would 

converse with you for minute eternities

Oh Allah, I'm eternally 

without, without without 

when You were beside me, 

I miss those days

I never felt alone, you always raised

me Allah, please raise me up again

I miss lying in masjids at fajr 

I miss walking on hills reciting prayers

I miss feeling close to You

I miss gazing out of the bus window on the 155

and feeling as though I'm truly alive

under Your watchful eye

You've given me so much

Helped me through my darkest days

Showed me miracles

and helped me to lay

my demons to rest, 

Oh Allah

life is a test, and it's tough

and I feel like I'm forever failing

I've tried scaling

so many walls 

but i keep falling back down to earth 

Oh Allah

You closer to me, than my jugular vein

please don't let it be in vain

please help me to gain

Taqwa. 

shalimar gardens, in battersea

it felt like shalimar gardens 

at twilight 

it always did

the birds never hid

away in trees

they flew in the pink sky

only they were black kites

maybe eagles

not pigeons and seagulls

and the water had all dried out

and the people had all gone home

and it was always better then

once the people had gone

and the world was quiet

and still and anew

it felt like shalimar gardens
what else was there do
but to tarry for a while longer
just a little while longer

weeping willow and a blackbird at sunset

restless skies

blustery winds

weeping willow

weeps louder 

his entire body is shaking

swaying, wildly flailing

tears are everywhere 

blackbird tries to console him

he perchs onto his shoulder

and whispers into his ear

for a moment weeping willow

stops flailing and wailing

he is still, he can hear

///mysteries, everlast///

twilight reflections in a secret garden

everything changes

 maybe for a while

maybe forever

who's to say, 

one day you go through a turnstile

the next you're on the other side thinking hey

where am I how did i get here

you're there then

you're there 

a wander after work 

wonder why you always dare

to take the road less travelled

perhaps you like the way it feels

earth and gravel

beneath your feet

pass the royal marsendon hospital

the sky is pink

trees are shrouded in cherry blossom

a heaviness begins to sink

everything is dark 

the birds begin to sing

but so beautiful too

a wander over albert bridge

the gold lights go on

the sirens are getting louder

fear pulses through the city

but above is only colour

only calm, 

the river is pink

a wander, ---disarm 

helicopters overhead

headlights and an uneasy traffic

twilight reflections

I find that secret heavy door

that leads to the secret garden

there is no one

just me beneath the noisy darkening sky

the sound of the water fountain

so melodic and sweet

just a dozen worn empty benches

just some more trees

vague gnarly ancient ones

hello trees, it's me again

it's sy, i wonder why

everything is always so weird

and strange 

                            so out of reach 

so out of range

i saw a rainbow today

when life gets you down

get the bus

it's cheaper

you lost your wallet 

always were a believer

of what's meant to be

will be, look out the bus window

you'll see - life goes on

shit sy, life goes on

and on and on and on

until it doesn't anymore

no sooner will you realise

what it was all for

you'll realise

that there was less to realise

than you always thought

when life gets you down

when you've been ill for so long

in your broke kingdom, where you belong

when you been so ill

so still, so unable to instill

a sense of peace within

and wonder

go for a wander

(even if it's in your mind)

so many roads go on forever

and you might just find

there's a rainbow down that way
it's okay to stray
off the beaten path

*this isn't everything*

when life gets you down

let the purple petals rain down on you

look to the gold light, feel it burn holes into

places that know only darkness

that brown girl with the purple hat

so small, she was facing you on that 

bus, looking at you the whole time

as if trying to communicate something

when life gets you down

go up to the secret film room

and hide for a bit, get lost in the moving stills

when life gets you down

follow mister robot in the museum

he was there, he was,  he was

make everyone laugh

even if it renders you half

a person, it won't worsen

cos your  windpipes already broke

for even in telling a joke

there is relief  -----------

shit sy, when life get's you down

when you think of everything 

and everyone you've ever lost

every decision that cost

you your peace and joy

look out of that bus window

             the river is still flowing

it's flowing

you are not a river

you are a person

and you can see the rainbow

                 and you can truly grow

through it all

///time lost//// senses gained///

pollution

pollution
the air is black and grey
the solution
is to float far far away

into the cosmos
there's no air up there

up above
there's only stardust
that's more than enough
sustenance

down on earth
I am perfecting the art

of falling apart 

the atmosphere is killing

gravity- let me go
I'd like to depart
I'd like to float

upwards  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

the art 

of wearing your earthly
 heart

on your material sleeve

where does that leave

  you?   

bereft -------


time and time and time
again
when oh when oh when
will you learn
child of the stars
to breathe in gold
and not hold
within clouds of black dust
bits of poisoned earthly crust
here on the cusp
//////              of a cosmic life
let go



the art              

 of wavering

of endangering 

       a hard-fought peace

this cough won't go away
 it won't cease

pollution
london  air is black and grey
to breathe it in
it will make your insides fray

your lungs will no doubt
fall apart

the night forest in translucent 

the sky is doing something

///words relayed, responses delayed

the storyteller and the wanderer

we clamber over gates

start down a baron path way

a metallic river

the trees are growing all around

i struggle to make a sound
 to speak to breathe

ribs rattle and bones squeak

mouths stays quiet

modern soul

pollution
the air is black and grey
the solution
is to float far far away

into the cosmos

and on and on and on and on and on
(yo im dying out here)

lost not found

sunlight, a crack in the window

   a beam of gold in a grey room

it spreads across the ceiling

      i watch it shift 

          all the while    reeling

from thoughts of yesteryear 

        yesteryear 

the daffodils were in bloom

spring was drawing near       

back then

     you and I would share

                         everything 

but maybe nothing too

shit man, I miss talking to you. 

        I miss wandering wherever

      I miss never

wanting to be anywhere else

i miss having a best friend

   someone to talk too 

most days I feel so alone

    but that feeling is nothing new

I wish we were able to see through

bullshit and pretense

           past and future tense

wish you could just be you

and I could just be me 

and we could meet somewhere in the middle

i spent a lifetime building walls, 

         what remains, nought but empty halls 

derelict spaces, disused and wasted

echoes reverberate        

          and nothing even matters 

lost not found

-----to be unbound

by time and space

by hurt and haste 

to find grace

in unlikely places

to remember things right

                                      to forever delight

in memories luminous in nature////

>>>>>>lost not found