Thursday, 31 October 2013

real friends

no phone, 
yet you find a way 
to stay 
connected to me
and I love you for that
for the fact
that you know
exactly where I am
-real friendship-

Sunday, 27 October 2013

all news is bad news

the kind of news
that turns your insides black
will we one day look back 
and wonder 
whether the outcome
would have been any different
had we been any different
in five years time
when you're released into the world
where then, will we be
by then, will we finally see
things any differently
/////////the deepest sadness I (n)ever felt
at the harshest blow that was ever dealt
                                                                    yet- nothing
but a weighty guilt, none could ever get 
listen, I won't ever forget
                                                                     where you are-----  
for the last time, 
I'm sorry.                         

twenty days

It's a new dawn
its a new day, it's a new life
and I'm feeling good
so good, 
yeah I wish I could 
preserve this feeling of goodness
cos' goodness me, I never felt so free
its like every possibility
just appeared before this minds eye
it's like I just defied
all prophecies, calling for my end
and now I'ma send 
so many blessings
for less things
matter, than blessings-
accept perhaps possibilities
yeah possibilities
they appeared before this minds eye
to a live a life, 
free of expectation, 
of waiting, 
a life of just being,
not continually breaking 
just existing exactly where you are
nah I'm not that far
just twenty days and that's it
I'm good, I'm gone
I got a million plans
and they can't all go wrong
I'ma go to the coast
work any place on a casual basis
bum around england, 
yeah man, I'm gonna make it
write, connect, 
capture, reflect
save up some money
and then when the winter comes
I'm good, I'm gone
nah, this time it won't go wrong
inshaAllah
-twenty days-

Saturday, 26 October 2013

much room, for a mushroom

not much room
for a mushroom
like you 
all yellow 
and deformed
looking all 
sad and forlorn
mushroom
against a backdrop
a forest tune
all pitter patter and bird song
mushroom, fungi
still going strong
take over the world
multiply
don't be shy
just do it fungi
just do it!

pearls and wild things

thousands of pictures
thousands of stories
thousands of insights
wild things, that maurice
sendak, never imagined
would come to life
just take a knife
and cut around them
for the most beautiful pearls
are often hidden
inside the hardest of shells
                               
                                             craccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkk
                                                                 //// -behold
iridescence. 

without

gave up          
              lost
phone
to be alone, to be alone
but now 
                                    home
seems further away
than ever before, 
and as much as I deplore
                          samsung e1080i              I want it back
for now I lack
 all love 
     all love                  is ab---------sent
                                it went
                                          unspent, 
unspoken
                                                for I lent
you more 
than just my words

said-less

those things never said
never processed
they never led
you anywhere
those things you never said
the things you did instead
of saying 
the things you never said
you distracted yourself, you read
hemmingway and travelogues
you skimmed through 
countless strangers' blogs
instead
you should have just said
those things you never said
perhaps those things would have led
you to unite 
with your former self
                                     --------------her

spirit

the grave 
cry, the spirit made
as it wandered woefully
on a lonely autumns day
in putney vale cemetery
                          when       will I be free
the spirit cried
take me away from here
the spirit cried
before it disappeared
behind a grave
                                                           grave stone,
                                                                                  faded bones
and flesh////
                                            (all gone)
we're going to die

Friday, 25 October 2013

heart

you caught me off guard
when you said my heart is hard
when your said my soul is scarred
when you said my thoughts are charred
yeah you caught me off guard
when you said I'm no longer here
yeah you caught me off guard
when you said I must take it everywhere
I go, this hard heart
you said I'd never truly start
over, without first 
purifying
-I'm trying...-/
                                to try
(for the voice within)/
makes it hard to deny
                                              // /sheer truth.

belief

to turn tragedies 
into tales
when will I cease to fail
at life, 
when will I let the strife
tranform me, 
into a decent god-fearing human being
for what I'm seeing---- 
now, is nothing
compared to what's to come
we are more than the sum
of our failures
(I have to believe this)

rough year

rough year
time to disappear
but what I truly fear
is that I'm too far gone to care
is that I'm too far gone
to turn back 
God, I miss You

phone-less

lost my phone
so I'm going it alone
for they said I could have it back
the hill keepers
but I don't want it back
I don't want to keep track
of anything or anyone
no I'd like to become
-invisible-

where to go, where not to go?

the blue mountains
are burning down
maybe it’s a sign
that I should skip sydney town,
and head back to Lahore
perhaps there, i’ll find what I'm looking for
perhaps then, I could put an end
to all this silly dreaming
you know I’ve been meaning,
to go back for so long,
the outback in Australia
maybe that’s not where I belong
this time round,
this time round, surely I’m bound
to be better
to do it differently
to not mess up my life again
for it already is
for I’ve already taken
pretty much every risk
that’s come my way 
time to take life seriously
time to put an end to this reckless play
just give me one more day
just give me one more day

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

keep pedallin'

life man, 
 it ain't about medals
gold stars or good grades
it's a well know fact
that every success fades
                        and in the end your just left        
                                                                    with you
                                     s'why it's so important
                                                                          to stay          true
to yourself,
nah, life, it ain't about medals
it's more about the pedals
it's about
going strong, going hard 
s'bout just going
just pedallin'
on
for yourself, yeah for you
you gotta just stay true,
forget the medals
focus instead, on the pedals
and just keep on pedallin'
just keep pedallin' man
-you're exactly where you're supposed to be-

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

she's good, she's gone

when she became good
i remember i could 
hardly talk to her
girl, 
                        you left me behind
in hopes you would find
clarity///////////
& you did
was I holding you back all along?
was I so wrong
in thinking, 
                           I was right....

pretend

we're fated to pretend
in the end
I'd like to think 
there won't be one
                                                      an      ending

Sunday, 20 October 2013

the train window, an opening into the universe

corn fields
a shade of mustard
custard
yellow trees
a whole line of them
and flashes of bright green
underneath the big indigo skies
blending before twilight

& I------

sit there alone
                                                         wandering why
I never go home---------

midland magic
the giant white turbines
spinning
spinning
a hundred canal boats
water that carves through land
snaking, making
marks in the ground, reflecting pools
reflecting the shine
in your eyes, in the eyes

-of a  thousand past lives-

& a hundred caravans
& a hundred fluffy white sheep
in a fading darkness
unmistakable starkness
in a darkening fade-ness
none-the-less
-------realllllllllllllll so etherealllllll
a thousand and one 
lone train journeys
-a hundred and one sunsets
each like no other-

journeying, it sets the soul free------
    watching the skies bleed
                         quietude

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

keep spinnin'

collecting them 
like you're collecting pokemons
she said, she said
leave out the semi colons
and just keep
spinning

days upon days, words upon words------ (& nowhereness)

met another stranger 
on the train
she went by the name
of Alannah
Alannah, from Alberta
not a tourist
just there, 
yeah she just didn't really care
about nuffink, 
s'why I spoke to her maybe
maybe I was fascinated by the crazy
way she spoke out loud
cursing, pursing
her lips, creasing her 
forehead, like she knew....
some kind of something
yeah kind of nut-nut, kind of stuck in a rut-rut
a singer a dancer
a proper chancer
taking chances
like skipping amsterdam
like not giving a damn
just ending up wherever
like in the home of the professor
reading the book he wrote on mutants
wolfman and chinese albino///// ---(non)nuisance////
----but easily percieved
that way

so when the small hand hits five
she comes back to life
she gets this drive
to just be-------------------------------------so freeeeeeeeee
so I just leaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvvvvve
so I just speaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkk

non(sense)
and so I saw her

the girl who changed my world
..........................youuuuuuuuuu...........................
yes you love, and we shared everything
before going our separate ways----------
separate ways

we both crave a little space

---and so I go back to drifting, 
all the while sifting
through the possibilities 
laid out before me, 
(so many possibilities, 
but all leading down a thousand dead ends)

and then I got a text on my mash-up mobile
for a while it was
-refreshing and fun
meeting you tonight S-

---and that's it, the story of life----

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

gone before you got there

oxford street in autumn
wandering around 
after dark
lost in the crowds
lost in thought
deafened by the loud
noises, noises that taught
nuffink to nobody
--------vacuums///////empty vessels
///human beings with low levels---
of immaterial understanding-------
yeah us

oxford street in autumn
i saw you then, 
no I didn't 
I saw you then, 
no I didn't
----------------------------------------gone before you got there------------------------------------
nah, it's too late to go back
but it's too early to go forward
so I'll just stay right here
                                                 
                                               right where
I am

-------------------oxford street in autumn--------
the arabs they bought them
everything, ever material thing
that ever came into existence
they lost sight 
                                          of what it means to be in existence
and yeah I'd rather be a hippy, seeking
than a plastic male or female doll reeking
of sweet sickly perfume
------don't assume,
 don't make assumptions
-for you came away to soon---
to realise anything......

------------------------gone, before you got there------------

there, then, now------& the distance between them

I ran after you 
followed you into WPY 
this time last year, I don't understand why
I was so cautious
maybe it was the chorus
of dissident voices ringing in my head,
but now, after all these months
 I  finally get what you said
and friend, I gotta get me
some of what you got------
friend I gotta stop tryna be
someone that I'm not
--------///////perspective
I've gotta get it,
                                 back

girl, truth

girl, truth
i don't want to see you again
because since you been gone
i made so many mistakes
and I don't wanta pretend
that I'm even slightly there
girl, if only I could care
enough to be good, if only I could
be the person, you see me to be
then maybe I wouldn't hafta leave
this place-----

haters gonna hate

haters gonna hate
but I wish I didn't say
what I did then 
cos listen I ain't about that life
///----back stabbing
in hopes of grabbing
what? some kind of glory
worthless shit,
                              same old story------
nah I ain't about that life
putting people down
nah I ain't bound
or enslaved, by my insecurities-----
surely,
we should all just be
                                       ---safe, innit?

life makes sense backwards

questions and answers
see nothing beats the real 
the surreal, 
---of walking in the heavy rain
bracing the chilly winds
over the bridge on a dark night
in this city, and man, 
how did that happen?
how did we find ourselves there
on that rooftop, sharing
hours before, I was staring
at the carpet in the jameel gallery
hours before, I was just thinking
about what life is
///// back to nothing
but this time, it feels magic 
again----

worry, so

days go by
days they never try
to fill themselves
they just are
----so---full----of themselves---
(why do you worry, so?)

something

you said i have this tendency
to mess up lives, with my uncertainties
and free-thinking
you said I'm switching//
                                     wholly        unflinching----
with the times; 
 with the passing of days
you said I'm changing my ways, 
I'm reverting to type,
turning left to right
in search of something 
--------in search of 
----------------------------------------something-------
(what do you know?)

Sunday, 13 October 2013

still writing, not sharing

poems
a hundred
 and eighty three drafts
and not a single one share-able
the real-against-fable
care to mislabel
comic occurrences
-sheer error-
swear down, 
you can't make this shit up------
//////life

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

waterloo sunsets

a thousand waterloo sunsets
with a thousand different souls
sharing conversations
that some how never get old 
this is what keeps me young

Friday, 4 October 2013

fried chicken

spot on
the fried chicken shop
course it had to be clapham
                       wonder what               happened
to all them people,
to all them wings,
to all them legs, breasts and other tings
like a hundred thousand feathers
-small pleasures-
                      freshie dreams   fleshy themes           they call it,    
    yeah           they call it
grease, bone and flesh
yeah they call it
       clapham -sense
common hence,
              it's        < funny >
it's the clapham all we knew
dressed-up yuppies, chunder and G's too
           and don't forget the               misfits
this takes the biscuit
<hahahahaha> but its true-
its clapham/ through and through
the fried chicken shop
                           sometimes you just gotta      stop
and take it in//////-----

time now, or never again

what's the point
of having ten thousand friends
when you haven't got a single one
you can really talk to
from the onset I sought to
talk to You Lord
but its been so long
and I've been so wrong
throughout 
throughout
You kept me strong
Ya Allah, You kept me strong
how can I prolongue
the future, when it's already arrived
forever I strived, 
to be better, but now only You
only You
can bring me back 
Lord I know I lack
everything I need
to get me there, 
Lord, you know I fear
nothingness, that's why I'm here
////no/where-
-about to dissappear
(for-ever evereververver)
////////Lord, I'm going away again
this time I don't know when
or if I'll ever be back,
and so I need You with me
Lord I need You 
just You. just You, just me....
-I'm a stranger, see-
/ a traveller, true to my name
a stranger/// how can I blame
circumstance
when the circumstances change
but this time Lord, I want to travel with You
/in solitude////
 where we are least alone/

Thursday, 3 October 2013

heaps of---

thin                                                                
bracken///////////////////////

never go home

i never go home
i just roam and roam and roam
sometimes alone
sometimes with the other
city strays
sometimes i just lay 
wherever
i like to hang out with clever
people, poets, artists, philosophers
friends and strangers
the trees and the big ben
the river and the sky
no i never go home
i just roam 
and roam and roam
sometimes alone
sometimes with other
city strays
one day, one day, one day
ima find a way
to live
(in this world)

outta this world

strange connections
deaths and ressurections
strange encounters
that count for
nothing, strange reflections
of past, future, present
sometimes pleasant
sometimes though
it just hurts you know
and I wonder
why am I the way I am
I wonder
why am I the way I am
and so I jam, 
I jaaam, I craaaaam
so much in a day
so I can't think 
or comprehend, the things
that happen
and the things that don't
////kind of outta this world////

----not here-----------

see i been living in this
wacked out dream
since I was fifteen
upstream, I been 
travelling
against a current
I been 
residing in some ill recurrent 
dream
I fell in a stream,
caught against a current 
and currently, 
I'm finding it hard to believe
-where I am-
                                ///////disassociation////
and listen I ain't tryna make
excuses for the things I done
I'm just tryna explain
how it all came undone
////it wasn't me
i wasn't there
how could I ever dare
to do the things I do 
if I were present/ incandescent------
mentally absent
the material self hasn't 
made any choices//////
------there were none/